YESS!
Oh, sweet release.
The bamboo room is finished! Never again shall we be stuffed in a dust/death/poison filled room doing the shit work no one else wanted.
For shit money. I guess shit work=shit money in my case.
I spent a lot of time in the afternoon thinking about myself in a soul searching kind of way, trying to gague how things are going. Dropping the Kassi thing has made so much of a difference to me. It feels so good to have finally cut her away. I barely think about her anymore, and my compulsive desaire to check her LJ for potential misery has subsided. I feel so free and I am glad to be rid of that bitter sadistic seed in my mind. I no longer get that insane insecurity or rage from her existence. I feel so good, I think its the best thing I've done this year for myself. I was thinking a lot about introspection, the nature of it, and if I do it at all. People do those things so differently, I have a hard time telling whether I spend enought time with myself to get everything straightened out. And then I realized I spent about 8 hours a day in reletive aloneness. I idnetified some things I have realized where a problem, as well as some things I have overcome. It's interesting, but always a little intense. I don't even know how it would feel to lie to myself, I don't think I live in denial of anything, thankfully. It's sad when people desperately try and hang onto things that are already painfully obvious illusions. I can only hope I'm not living in denial right now, but I suppose at some level, everyone is. The very nature of human living right now requires a certain amount of denial in order tonot loose your mind. Or maybe my sanity is also an illusion. Haha... "or what if this reality... ISN'T the REAL one?? *woah, Matrix blows my mind....*".
Hahaha... that was fun.
I mean, everyone has thier problems that you can usually see right through. But somehow, form this perspective it's always difficult to discern. I just hope I don't try and hold on to my dillusions when they are dispelled.
Depression and stress aside, I think I am doing alright.
I just wish I had time to think and read about life beyond my fertilizer gun and my upheaved bedroom. Then again I wish I had time to even enjoy my tim away form work...
Sigh
Suck it up, Princess/
The bamboo room is finished! Never again shall we be stuffed in a dust/death/poison filled room doing the shit work no one else wanted.
For shit money. I guess shit work=shit money in my case.
I spent a lot of time in the afternoon thinking about myself in a soul searching kind of way, trying to gague how things are going. Dropping the Kassi thing has made so much of a difference to me. It feels so good to have finally cut her away. I barely think about her anymore, and my compulsive desaire to check her LJ for potential misery has subsided. I feel so free and I am glad to be rid of that bitter sadistic seed in my mind. I no longer get that insane insecurity or rage from her existence. I feel so good, I think its the best thing I've done this year for myself. I was thinking a lot about introspection, the nature of it, and if I do it at all. People do those things so differently, I have a hard time telling whether I spend enought time with myself to get everything straightened out. And then I realized I spent about 8 hours a day in reletive aloneness. I idnetified some things I have realized where a problem, as well as some things I have overcome. It's interesting, but always a little intense. I don't even know how it would feel to lie to myself, I don't think I live in denial of anything, thankfully. It's sad when people desperately try and hang onto things that are already painfully obvious illusions. I can only hope I'm not living in denial right now, but I suppose at some level, everyone is. The very nature of human living right now requires a certain amount of denial in order tonot loose your mind. Or maybe my sanity is also an illusion. Haha... "or what if this reality... ISN'T the REAL one?? *woah, Matrix blows my mind....*".
Hahaha... that was fun.
I mean, everyone has thier problems that you can usually see right through. But somehow, form this perspective it's always difficult to discern. I just hope I don't try and hold on to my dillusions when they are dispelled.
Depression and stress aside, I think I am doing alright.
I just wish I had time to think and read about life beyond my fertilizer gun and my upheaved bedroom. Then again I wish I had time to even enjoy my tim away form work...
Sigh
Suck it up, Princess/