(no subject)
Let me take a moment to whine, since I haven't in a while.
First up: my job. And just not to horribly confuse anyone, I am a lifeguard. I indicated on the handy dry erase board that I need 05/05 off (as in yesterday) last Thursday. But the not-so-handy manager took herself off the schedule for Thursday and Friday and therefore never saw the note. Maybe she was forced to take herself off the schedule, because of being late on the Wednesday before, or maybe she just didn't want to come in at 8am like everyone is supposed to. But, for the past four months I have been working a Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday schedule. So when I finally make plans, and not "let's go out and get trashed on Cinco de Mayo plans" but I'm coaching swim team plans, for a Monday that I normally don't work, I do. I tried haphazardly to get someone to work for me, and he didn't take the time to call me back either. And I got a small chiding at this afternoon... yet, it obviously wasn't that big of a deal because the person who was working with me last night didn't even call to ask where I was. And hopefully said manager has got it through her brain that I am taking the LGI training course, and therefore cannot work the days that it's taking place.. including this Wednesday -which I am on the scheudle for, and am apparently working by myself.
And, I was the first person at work today, therefore the latter person should go up on stand first. But who went up first? Me? You suck.
Secondly: school. So this past semester I could have tried a little harder. I turned up with two A's, a B- and a C-. But my parents nag me constantly about school only when it's grade time. First of all, they did a little to help me achieve the scholastic success I did in high school and nothing to help me when applying to University. So piss off. If I don't get my scholarship back in the Fall, I will be paying for class, not them. And my dad just had to bring up Grad school, which really isn't any of their business either unless they are investing in me finanacially. If it takes a semester or more after this upcoming spring, I don't think anybody is going to die. And I feel like they are constantly comparing me to Travis, and his big plans for engineering and blah blah blah. Which is extremely annoying, because I am not him, and I have neither the motivation nor the incredible intelligence of him, nor his outstanding athletic skills, so it's not even a fair race.
Now for something completely irrelevant. Where you have disdain for me still looming in you, though I'm sure you have convinced yourself it's dying away, I have contempt. But that is only a fading shadow to a love that is harboring inside of me. There are many reasons why our relationship failed, and I cannot believe I'm bringing this up if only to taunt you with, when you will only turn your head. I think I am trying to excuse my disloyalty and the hurt I caused. I am in love with someone to the point that it hurts, and all I ache for is him, and everything is a fuzzy background. I feel that God does not peer over me constantly measuring the days of church I attend, or the amount of undying faith that would take me to jump from the highest cliff and break off this mundance love if only He spoke directly to me and said "Do so." Instead, I feel very sure that my belief and knowing of His mercy and love and grace suffice. I have an insatiable appetite to live, and be alive, and I think that as long as I do this with passion and humanity, God will be pleased for me.
First up: my job. And just not to horribly confuse anyone, I am a lifeguard. I indicated on the handy dry erase board that I need 05/05 off (as in yesterday) last Thursday. But the not-so-handy manager took herself off the schedule for Thursday and Friday and therefore never saw the note. Maybe she was forced to take herself off the schedule, because of being late on the Wednesday before, or maybe she just didn't want to come in at 8am like everyone is supposed to. But, for the past four months I have been working a Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday schedule. So when I finally make plans, and not "let's go out and get trashed on Cinco de Mayo plans" but I'm coaching swim team plans, for a Monday that I normally don't work, I do. I tried haphazardly to get someone to work for me, and he didn't take the time to call me back either. And I got a small chiding at this afternoon... yet, it obviously wasn't that big of a deal because the person who was working with me last night didn't even call to ask where I was. And hopefully said manager has got it through her brain that I am taking the LGI training course, and therefore cannot work the days that it's taking place.. including this Wednesday -which I am on the scheudle for, and am apparently working by myself.
And, I was the first person at work today, therefore the latter person should go up on stand first. But who went up first? Me? You suck.
Secondly: school. So this past semester I could have tried a little harder. I turned up with two A's, a B- and a C-. But my parents nag me constantly about school only when it's grade time. First of all, they did a little to help me achieve the scholastic success I did in high school and nothing to help me when applying to University. So piss off. If I don't get my scholarship back in the Fall, I will be paying for class, not them. And my dad just had to bring up Grad school, which really isn't any of their business either unless they are investing in me finanacially. If it takes a semester or more after this upcoming spring, I don't think anybody is going to die. And I feel like they are constantly comparing me to Travis, and his big plans for engineering and blah blah blah. Which is extremely annoying, because I am not him, and I have neither the motivation nor the incredible intelligence of him, nor his outstanding athletic skills, so it's not even a fair race.
Now for something completely irrelevant. Where you have disdain for me still looming in you, though I'm sure you have convinced yourself it's dying away, I have contempt. But that is only a fading shadow to a love that is harboring inside of me. There are many reasons why our relationship failed, and I cannot believe I'm bringing this up if only to taunt you with, when you will only turn your head. I think I am trying to excuse my disloyalty and the hurt I caused. I am in love with someone to the point that it hurts, and all I ache for is him, and everything is a fuzzy background. I feel that God does not peer over me constantly measuring the days of church I attend, or the amount of undying faith that would take me to jump from the highest cliff and break off this mundance love if only He spoke directly to me and said "Do so." Instead, I feel very sure that my belief and knowing of His mercy and love and grace suffice. I have an insatiable appetite to live, and be alive, and I think that as long as I do this with passion and humanity, God will be pleased for me.