Day 55, evening; Athosian Camp; attn: Selen, Parrish, Miller, Belem, other Athosians [f]
Warning: Adult content, D/s themes
Selen had bundled him up with attentive care, but Radek still shivered a bit as he stepped out of the tent at Selen's side and felt the chill air on his face, and the sharply chill breeze stealing away the warmth from the outer layers of his garments. Unthinking, he stepped in closer to Selen, letting his... Alpha's body shelter him from the cold. As strange as it was to think of his lover in those terms, it was impossible not to now. Here, among his own people, where he was free to act naturally, Selen seemed to become even more proprietary with Radek, more possessive, and while part of Radek thought he ought to object, he found that he couldn't.
Intellectually, the idea of being owned by another was morally repugnant to Radek, but on a personal level, somehow, it meant something completely different. His attempts to make these two realities mesh failed every time, and while it was easy to pass this off as the result of his current... disfunctional state of mind, Radek was not entirely sure he'd ever be able to make sense of this.
For instance, if he understood Selen's promises, he was going to be all but displayed, later on this evening, in public, as 'owned', and the fierce pride in his lover's voice as he spoke of it sent shivers that had nothing to do with the cold all through Radek's body, and aroused him in a way that made no sense. Of course, expecting the things that aroused him sexually to make sense was in itself a little stupid, Radek reflected as they moved away from their tent, stepping out into what seemed a general celebration.
You cannot examine your psyche like an engineering problem, Radek reminded himself wryly, though he might wish otherwise.
Looking around him now, Radek noted the faintest glow in the west from where the sun had set, but the stars were well visible now, arrayed in utterly unfamiliar constellations. The brightest light now came from a large bonfire in the center of the agglomeration of tents and other structures. Radek had seen some of it go up, but he was surprised at how the nightfall had transformed the settlement. Everything seemed so simple and real, from the smell of cooking food to the sounds of the drummers and pipers making music near the fire, to the sights and sounds of children running and chasing each other here and there. His city of gleaming towers and ancient mysteries seemed like a fiction now, for all that he had left the place less than twenty four hours ago.
Radek realized that he had come to a stop in the middle of everything, and that Selen was gently tugging at his arm to get him moving again, leading him in the direction of the fire. The fire was where Selen had promised to... make use of him, in public and, recalling this, Radek felt a thrill of terror rise in him again. Was this really what he wanted? But asking himself what he wanted these days inevitably lead down a blind alley. This was something Radek was sure he ought to know the answer to, but for the moment it seemed that he didn't, and there was no point beating his head against it.
No, the questions he needed to ask now were more basic: Does it feel good? Yes. Is the man into whose hands you have delivered yourself trustworthy? Yes. Are you being hurt or harmed in any lasting way? Here there was the issue of the medications he had discontinued, which might indeed result in some harm, but this was a calculated risk, and Selen would not prevent him from getting help, or more medications, if needed. There was, as far as he could figure, nothing to indicate that what he was doing was dangerous or ill advised, for all that it was strange, unfamiliar and, at times, a little frightening.
Trust, Radek concluded, was the key. He could trust Selen, he reminded himself as his Alpha guided him to where he could now feel the warmth from the blazing; he could trust him with everything, and just accept that which he did not understand. That was the frightening part. He could not prevent himself from being frightened, but he could accept the fear too, and then even it, somehow, became part of what was good.
Fear however, was not quite the right word for what Radek felt when he noticed someone noticing him, glancing down at his garment and then up at Selen with a pleased and knowing smile. He was known then, not just as the half crazed foreigner who'd come to seek refuge with them, but as... 'pack' to Selen's 'Alpha'... and the other 'knowing' Athosins they met as they found themselves a place by the fire seemed to greet the idea, and them, with pleased approval.
So. This was normal, expected, and Radek stifled his little thrill of anxiety with that thought as Selen directed where to lay his kneeling pelt down. I am his, Radek reminded himself, never minding why that thought gave him comfort as he dropped contentedly to his knees. He is my Alpha and it is my pleasure to serve him before all the community, however he wishes to be served.
Selen had bundled him up with attentive care, but Radek still shivered a bit as he stepped out of the tent at Selen's side and felt the chill air on his face, and the sharply chill breeze stealing away the warmth from the outer layers of his garments. Unthinking, he stepped in closer to Selen, letting his... Alpha's body shelter him from the cold. As strange as it was to think of his lover in those terms, it was impossible not to now. Here, among his own people, where he was free to act naturally, Selen seemed to become even more proprietary with Radek, more possessive, and while part of Radek thought he ought to object, he found that he couldn't.
Intellectually, the idea of being owned by another was morally repugnant to Radek, but on a personal level, somehow, it meant something completely different. His attempts to make these two realities mesh failed every time, and while it was easy to pass this off as the result of his current... disfunctional state of mind, Radek was not entirely sure he'd ever be able to make sense of this.
For instance, if he understood Selen's promises, he was going to be all but displayed, later on this evening, in public, as 'owned', and the fierce pride in his lover's voice as he spoke of it sent shivers that had nothing to do with the cold all through Radek's body, and aroused him in a way that made no sense. Of course, expecting the things that aroused him sexually to make sense was in itself a little stupid, Radek reflected as they moved away from their tent, stepping out into what seemed a general celebration.
You cannot examine your psyche like an engineering problem, Radek reminded himself wryly, though he might wish otherwise.
Looking around him now, Radek noted the faintest glow in the west from where the sun had set, but the stars were well visible now, arrayed in utterly unfamiliar constellations. The brightest light now came from a large bonfire in the center of the agglomeration of tents and other structures. Radek had seen some of it go up, but he was surprised at how the nightfall had transformed the settlement. Everything seemed so simple and real, from the smell of cooking food to the sounds of the drummers and pipers making music near the fire, to the sights and sounds of children running and chasing each other here and there. His city of gleaming towers and ancient mysteries seemed like a fiction now, for all that he had left the place less than twenty four hours ago.
Radek realized that he had come to a stop in the middle of everything, and that Selen was gently tugging at his arm to get him moving again, leading him in the direction of the fire. The fire was where Selen had promised to... make use of him, in public and, recalling this, Radek felt a thrill of terror rise in him again. Was this really what he wanted? But asking himself what he wanted these days inevitably lead down a blind alley. This was something Radek was sure he ought to know the answer to, but for the moment it seemed that he didn't, and there was no point beating his head against it.
No, the questions he needed to ask now were more basic: Does it feel good? Yes. Is the man into whose hands you have delivered yourself trustworthy? Yes. Are you being hurt or harmed in any lasting way? Here there was the issue of the medications he had discontinued, which might indeed result in some harm, but this was a calculated risk, and Selen would not prevent him from getting help, or more medications, if needed. There was, as far as he could figure, nothing to indicate that what he was doing was dangerous or ill advised, for all that it was strange, unfamiliar and, at times, a little frightening.
Trust, Radek concluded, was the key. He could trust Selen, he reminded himself as his Alpha guided him to where he could now feel the warmth from the blazing; he could trust him with everything, and just accept that which he did not understand. That was the frightening part. He could not prevent himself from being frightened, but he could accept the fear too, and then even it, somehow, became part of what was good.
Fear however, was not quite the right word for what Radek felt when he noticed someone noticing him, glancing down at his garment and then up at Selen with a pleased and knowing smile. He was known then, not just as the half crazed foreigner who'd come to seek refuge with them, but as... 'pack' to Selen's 'Alpha'... and the other 'knowing' Athosins they met as they found themselves a place by the fire seemed to greet the idea, and them, with pleased approval.
So. This was normal, expected, and Radek stifled his little thrill of anxiety with that thought as Selen directed where to lay his kneeling pelt down. I am his, Radek reminded himself, never minding why that thought gave him comfort as he dropped contentedly to his knees. He is my Alpha and it is my pleasure to serve him before all the community, however he wishes to be served.