too much. too soon. to little to make it work.
Well I guess I might as well get it out there and tell people. uh im pregnant. And I am terrified. I have no idea how to raise a baby. I have no way to help support it, im seriously questing me and Johnathans relationship right now but i think its only because im hormonal right now. Anyway im 3 months. And honestly I dont want it but at the same time i cant give it up. I cry all the time now...in the shower in the car eating watching tv. im an emotional basketcase. Our house is a complete dump. None of his 3 vehicles work. We cant afford the house payments of a nicer place plus the expense of a baby. plus more and more i am realizeing i am dating a guy who is perfectly content not trying to better himself. I am so confused. I have always been strongly opposed to abortion and this sounds terrible but now that im put in this position i have sympathy for people that do it. I no how they feel. I even considered doing it. but it just needs to be said that people dont need to judge people who get abortions unless theyve been put in a place like this. plus Johnathan is completely ignorant as to how hard this will be if we do this. He wants the baby and thinks it will be such fun...but i no better. I will offically be giving up my life and point blank...I dont want to do that yet. But i suppose I will have to. I also am begining to get bored of Johnathan and frusterated with him, for all sorts of reasons he generaly pissing me off on a regular basis. Not to mention I feel like ive let so many people down and that most of all ive let Jesus down. I miss my relationship with him so much, but no matter how hard I try or how long i wait in silence i cant feel him. And that breaks my heart. I also figure this will be it. Everyone will offically hate me up there though i suspect most of you already do. I miss you and I would give anything to be back up there with you all. I miss PA so much it hurts. dont get me wrong hicktown grows on you but i just miss the general love of jesus within my group of friends up there... But im trying really hard to move past this and just be happy and make the best of things. thats all i can do i guess.
Well there it goes its out there. Go ahead and say it- "I told you so" yep you were all right i did fall astray and end up getting pregnant, I wish i could have seen it coming like everyone else did. I feel so alone and so ...helpless.
Well there it goes its out there. Go ahead and say it- "I told you so" yep you were all right i did fall astray and end up getting pregnant, I wish i could have seen it coming like everyone else did. I feel so alone and so ...helpless.