Smart
Zuko/Ty Lee
Smart
It wasn’t love, she knew that for sure.
What they had, what she wanted of him, what they did together-it wasn’t boyfriend-and-girlfriend stuff. It was passion and heat and anger and…stupid.
She wasn’t stupid. If she was stupid she’d go home to the circus and let Azula come and burn her only safe place to the ground. Instead she was happy, suffocating happiness. It was the rest of the world that was stupid; she was just protecting herself from the inferno. From the flames that grew through her country and ate up the people within it until only the ashes remained.
People like Zuko.
She had seen him cry once, right after that thing with his Uncle. She’d bounced into his new room without warning, ready to act stupid and smiley and safe for this boy she’d once known. But he was not the boy she’d once known. He was sad; frighteningly sad. Something about Zuko’s eyes had been too deep for her. But she flipped into them impulsively, knowing there’d be no safety net to catch her if this routine was to fail. They were so close then and for a fraction of a second he was perfect and she was overwhelmed by his very scent. Then he was shouting, grabbing her wrist and twisting it- she didn’t cry out, just bit down on her lip until the tears went away.
When he finally let go she hit him back, amazed she could. She did not think such courage lived inside her.
Zuko gave her courage.
Then she ran, as fast and as far as her legs could take her. She fell asleep when they gave out, and dreamed of eyes and scars and blood. Mai found her the next morning, dead to the world amongst one of the Earth King’s old gardens.
“You’ve done something stupid haven’t you?” Mai stated matter-of-factly as she hauled her friend into bed. Mai didn’t wait for an answer, which was good because she couldn’t think of one. All she could think about was him.
She understood Zuko in a way, because she refused to pay attention long enough to listen. She refused to believe him. Instead of the lies he told himself she heard the truths that sat below them like leaves in a tea cup. She knew him. She knew about his anger, the thing that threatened to destroy him from the inside out one day if he wasn’t careful. She knew about his sadness, it ached in the middle of his heart until she didn’t know how he got up in the morning. He was complicated. There was layer after layer of him to poke through, to try and understand. Then he’d change and she’d be stuck at the beginning again, looking for something that was never quite there.
That was why it had started really. Zuko refused to give up and she was too stupid to say no- she had been looking at him and he’d been glaring at her and then she was kissing him and he was holding her and…it was right somehow. Everything else in her life was wrong wrong wrong; but this was right in a way that couldn’t be put into words. She wouldn’t stop if she could. She was tired of not believing him. She was tired of not understanding him. She wanted his destroying anger for her own and she gave him some of her clawing happiness and together they were at peace for a while.
And for awhile they were at peace.
Ty Lee blinked. She’d forgotten where she was for a minute, in the bed of a beautiful Prince. She had felt his skin, felt his heat as he’d pulled their kiss into something bigger. She wasn’t sure if it was better yet.
“Hi,” she muttered into his ear with a tiny giggle. He had the nicest ears. He made her happy, not the frantic kind - the real kind that filled you up until you had to spread the happy everywhere. She was so tired she wanted to sleep the day away, and so energetic she wanted to run across the palace and sing his name into every doorknob.
“Ty Lee,” he whispered back, as if he was amazed she was even there. As if she would disappear at any moment, leaving him with the smell of incense and the taste of someone who never stopped smiling. He tugged the top of what was once her braid playfully. Zuko’s face was pulled into a different emotion she had yet to know. Ty Lee couldn’t wait to figure it out.
“It’s a lovely day isn’t it?” she laughed. She wanted to spend her life at this in between moment.
“What are we going to tell them?”
He didn’t have to say who they were; she knew who they were; Mai and Azula. Mai would be sad and avoid them all together. Azula would be nice, too nice. Then she would use them.
“We don’t have to tell,” The words got stuck in her throat. She already knew his answer. He could only lie to himself really. It hurt to be this good.
“Ty Lee,” he whispered again, but now his words had a surreal steal edge. “We can’t do this. I don’t even know what this is.”
“I know,” she replied, holding him close. He avoided her gaze. “But…”
“Ty Lee…”
She kissed him. “You make me feel safe.”
He pushed her lips away. “I can’t protect you.”
“I know,” she cried softly as she held his hands tight. “You make me feel brave.”
He pushed her hands away. “I can’t give you courage.”
“I know.”
Carefully she pulled her things together. Her clothes were wrinkly. She smiled at him and began on her way. He made no effort to make her stay, she didn’t expect him to.
His words were almost too soft to hear. “Ty Lee.”
She turned, her face half way in the light of the hallway, halfway in the dark of his room. “Yes?”
“You make me…happy.”
Her eyes filled with his sadness. “I can’t give you joy.”
“I know.”
Ty Lee quietly closed the door.
He was the inferno she had tried to protect herself from, a human flame that grew through her country and ate up the people within it until only the ashes remained.
What they had, what she wanted of him, what they did together-it wasn’t boyfriend-and-girlfriend stuff. It was passion and heat and anger and…stupid.
It wasn’t love, she knew that for sure.
But someday it would be, if she could be courageous and safe. If he could be joyful.
She had faith in them.
All alone, Ty Lee turned to face the dawn of a new day.
Smart
It wasn’t love, she knew that for sure.
What they had, what she wanted of him, what they did together-it wasn’t boyfriend-and-girlfriend stuff. It was passion and heat and anger and…stupid.
She wasn’t stupid. If she was stupid she’d go home to the circus and let Azula come and burn her only safe place to the ground. Instead she was happy, suffocating happiness. It was the rest of the world that was stupid; she was just protecting herself from the inferno. From the flames that grew through her country and ate up the people within it until only the ashes remained.
People like Zuko.
She had seen him cry once, right after that thing with his Uncle. She’d bounced into his new room without warning, ready to act stupid and smiley and safe for this boy she’d once known. But he was not the boy she’d once known. He was sad; frighteningly sad. Something about Zuko’s eyes had been too deep for her. But she flipped into them impulsively, knowing there’d be no safety net to catch her if this routine was to fail. They were so close then and for a fraction of a second he was perfect and she was overwhelmed by his very scent. Then he was shouting, grabbing her wrist and twisting it- she didn’t cry out, just bit down on her lip until the tears went away.
When he finally let go she hit him back, amazed she could. She did not think such courage lived inside her.
Zuko gave her courage.
Then she ran, as fast and as far as her legs could take her. She fell asleep when they gave out, and dreamed of eyes and scars and blood. Mai found her the next morning, dead to the world amongst one of the Earth King’s old gardens.
“You’ve done something stupid haven’t you?” Mai stated matter-of-factly as she hauled her friend into bed. Mai didn’t wait for an answer, which was good because she couldn’t think of one. All she could think about was him.
She understood Zuko in a way, because she refused to pay attention long enough to listen. She refused to believe him. Instead of the lies he told himself she heard the truths that sat below them like leaves in a tea cup. She knew him. She knew about his anger, the thing that threatened to destroy him from the inside out one day if he wasn’t careful. She knew about his sadness, it ached in the middle of his heart until she didn’t know how he got up in the morning. He was complicated. There was layer after layer of him to poke through, to try and understand. Then he’d change and she’d be stuck at the beginning again, looking for something that was never quite there.
That was why it had started really. Zuko refused to give up and she was too stupid to say no- she had been looking at him and he’d been glaring at her and then she was kissing him and he was holding her and…it was right somehow. Everything else in her life was wrong wrong wrong; but this was right in a way that couldn’t be put into words. She wouldn’t stop if she could. She was tired of not believing him. She was tired of not understanding him. She wanted his destroying anger for her own and she gave him some of her clawing happiness and together they were at peace for a while.
And for awhile they were at peace.
Ty Lee blinked. She’d forgotten where she was for a minute, in the bed of a beautiful Prince. She had felt his skin, felt his heat as he’d pulled their kiss into something bigger. She wasn’t sure if it was better yet.
“Hi,” she muttered into his ear with a tiny giggle. He had the nicest ears. He made her happy, not the frantic kind - the real kind that filled you up until you had to spread the happy everywhere. She was so tired she wanted to sleep the day away, and so energetic she wanted to run across the palace and sing his name into every doorknob.
“Ty Lee,” he whispered back, as if he was amazed she was even there. As if she would disappear at any moment, leaving him with the smell of incense and the taste of someone who never stopped smiling. He tugged the top of what was once her braid playfully. Zuko’s face was pulled into a different emotion she had yet to know. Ty Lee couldn’t wait to figure it out.
“It’s a lovely day isn’t it?” she laughed. She wanted to spend her life at this in between moment.
“What are we going to tell them?”
He didn’t have to say who they were; she knew who they were; Mai and Azula. Mai would be sad and avoid them all together. Azula would be nice, too nice. Then she would use them.
“We don’t have to tell,” The words got stuck in her throat. She already knew his answer. He could only lie to himself really. It hurt to be this good.
“Ty Lee,” he whispered again, but now his words had a surreal steal edge. “We can’t do this. I don’t even know what this is.”
“I know,” she replied, holding him close. He avoided her gaze. “But…”
“Ty Lee…”
She kissed him. “You make me feel safe.”
He pushed her lips away. “I can’t protect you.”
“I know,” she cried softly as she held his hands tight. “You make me feel brave.”
He pushed her hands away. “I can’t give you courage.”
“I know.”
Carefully she pulled her things together. Her clothes were wrinkly. She smiled at him and began on her way. He made no effort to make her stay, she didn’t expect him to.
His words were almost too soft to hear. “Ty Lee.”
She turned, her face half way in the light of the hallway, halfway in the dark of his room. “Yes?”
“You make me…happy.”
Her eyes filled with his sadness. “I can’t give you joy.”
“I know.”
Ty Lee quietly closed the door.
He was the inferno she had tried to protect herself from, a human flame that grew through her country and ate up the people within it until only the ashes remained.
What they had, what she wanted of him, what they did together-it wasn’t boyfriend-and-girlfriend stuff. It was passion and heat and anger and…stupid.
It wasn’t love, she knew that for sure.
But someday it would be, if she could be courageous and safe. If he could be joyful.
She had faith in them.
All alone, Ty Lee turned to face the dawn of a new day.