Ohhh Stalkerbook
Well, this is one reason to dislike facebook. Allow me to tell you a story that happened just minutes ago.
One cold day in January, I was sitting at my desk in the Office of Student Activities and Multicultural Affairs. I had just finished getting my submissions for The Offering all set and good to go. Then, out of nowhere, the slightly creepy and kind of...'off' janitor came in. I figured he just needed to borrow something or talk to Pascha, one of my bosses. However, I was wrong.
The janitor left the door ajar and leaned on it as he asked me "Do you have a facebook?" I was of course, creeped out. I have only said "hi" to this man. Somehow, a few months ago he found out my name. No big deal, we exchanged 'hi's' when we saw each other. But now, he was stalking me on facebook? Should I be creeped out of my mind?
I finally said 'yes' in response to his question, and the janitor said "Oh, okay. I was on it the other day and you know how it lists the friends of your friends?" I nodded. "Well, I thought I saw you, it said 'Melissa Dorval' and I thought it was you. I wasn't sure though, there's a really strange picture." 'Oh god', was all I could think.
He stood there, neither of us saying anything. I did not want to explain, but then the janitor said "I don't even know how to describe it. You're kind of leaning forward, and I think you have a rose in your mouth?" 'Oh jesus' was all I could think.
I looked at him as I awkwardly fidgeted in my seat. "Oh, yeah. Uh, haha. I was playing this teen girl game from the 80's with my friends and I, uh, had to see if I could balance a lemon on a spoon." Why the hell was I explaining this to the janitor? How do I find myself in these awkward moments?
He gave a small chuckle. "Oh, I see." 'Do you?' I thought. Do you really? I prayed that he would leave soon, but no. "Yeah, I thought it was you but it's such a crummy picture!" Woah, now he's insulting my facebook picture? I don't think so!
I said nothing and continued to fidget. "So do you use that a lot?" I thought this was a very odd question and didn't want him to know my obsession. I shrugged. And then he said "Yeah. So are you a senior?" I couldn't imagine how he knew that, and hoped he hadn't actually gone on my facebook. He has to be at least 45 and he's kind of a creeper, as I've said. I nodded again, hoping my coldness would give him a giant hint. No such luck. "Oh that's nice. Are you excited to graduate?" I nodded. "What's you're major, then?" "Creative writing." He adjusted his weight from one foot to the other. "What do you do with a degree in that?" "You do whatever people will hire you to do and hope for the best in the meantime." "Are you applying to grad school? Here?" I tried to look annoyed. "Yeah, but not here. In the midwest." I think, by then, he finally got the hint. "Oh. Well, good luck." "Thanks." He turned and left, "See ya later!" 'Not if I can help it', I thought to myself.
So, in conclusion, janitors stalking you on facebook + conversations regarding that = shudders, and prayers that you won't find him breathing heavily over you one night, having broken into your room and staring at you while you sleep.
Thank you.
<3,
Melissa
One cold day in January, I was sitting at my desk in the Office of Student Activities and Multicultural Affairs. I had just finished getting my submissions for The Offering all set and good to go. Then, out of nowhere, the slightly creepy and kind of...'off' janitor came in. I figured he just needed to borrow something or talk to Pascha, one of my bosses. However, I was wrong.
The janitor left the door ajar and leaned on it as he asked me "Do you have a facebook?" I was of course, creeped out. I have only said "hi" to this man. Somehow, a few months ago he found out my name. No big deal, we exchanged 'hi's' when we saw each other. But now, he was stalking me on facebook? Should I be creeped out of my mind?
I finally said 'yes' in response to his question, and the janitor said "Oh, okay. I was on it the other day and you know how it lists the friends of your friends?" I nodded. "Well, I thought I saw you, it said 'Melissa Dorval' and I thought it was you. I wasn't sure though, there's a really strange picture." 'Oh god', was all I could think.
He stood there, neither of us saying anything. I did not want to explain, but then the janitor said "I don't even know how to describe it. You're kind of leaning forward, and I think you have a rose in your mouth?" 'Oh jesus' was all I could think.
I looked at him as I awkwardly fidgeted in my seat. "Oh, yeah. Uh, haha. I was playing this teen girl game from the 80's with my friends and I, uh, had to see if I could balance a lemon on a spoon." Why the hell was I explaining this to the janitor? How do I find myself in these awkward moments?
He gave a small chuckle. "Oh, I see." 'Do you?' I thought. Do you really? I prayed that he would leave soon, but no. "Yeah, I thought it was you but it's such a crummy picture!" Woah, now he's insulting my facebook picture? I don't think so!
I said nothing and continued to fidget. "So do you use that a lot?" I thought this was a very odd question and didn't want him to know my obsession. I shrugged. And then he said "Yeah. So are you a senior?" I couldn't imagine how he knew that, and hoped he hadn't actually gone on my facebook. He has to be at least 45 and he's kind of a creeper, as I've said. I nodded again, hoping my coldness would give him a giant hint. No such luck. "Oh that's nice. Are you excited to graduate?" I nodded. "What's you're major, then?" "Creative writing." He adjusted his weight from one foot to the other. "What do you do with a degree in that?" "You do whatever people will hire you to do and hope for the best in the meantime." "Are you applying to grad school? Here?" I tried to look annoyed. "Yeah, but not here. In the midwest." I think, by then, he finally got the hint. "Oh. Well, good luck." "Thanks." He turned and left, "See ya later!" 'Not if I can help it', I thought to myself.
So, in conclusion, janitors stalking you on facebook + conversations regarding that = shudders, and prayers that you won't find him breathing heavily over you one night, having broken into your room and staring at you while you sleep.
Thank you.
<3,
Melissa