The end of the month meltdown
Jan 31st. I like to start my 28-day plan on the first of the month, so I started Jan 1st, then skipped Jan 29-31 so I could start again on the 1st Feb.
OK, so Jan 29-31 I didn't need to write anything down in my book, and I totally gave myself a free pass. I didn't go crazy, but I had a square of chocolate here and there, and on Sunday I had 2 cookies b/c that was all they had at my job training. On Friday, I had a burger on the ferry, and I didn't just get chicken burger and leave the bun off, but I got the full-on bacon cheddar burger AND FRIES. When was the last time I had fries? And about halfway through I decided that I didn't need another burger like that for at least a year. :)
I drove home on Sunday night, the 31st, knowing that I was starting the plan again the next morning. And I wanted to have a binge. Not a really really big one, but like, a normal restaurant meal (which are usually way huge, and more importantly for me, fat-riddled). I decided I wanted chinese food. I passed a chinese place in Nanaimo, then in Ladysmith. Then I started thinking about the one in Duncan (where I live). I decided to go home and invite J out with me, since he had mentioned wanting to go.
I got home, and he had made rice. He had venison tenderloins defrosted, but not cooked. I mentioned the chinese thing. He said we could go sometime in the next week, as he had already made rice. And then he asked if I would make the venison. Soooo... I did. I was so mad. Not at him, because he had been a nice boy and had something ready for when I came home, but because it was my last chance for a whole month at a fatty, greasy binge, that I had allowed that it was going to happen, that it could UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES happen the following week. It was my last chance for a whole 28 days, and I was going to eat a meal I could eat any other day? Lean meat, take as much or as little rice as I wanted, broccoli and tomato on the side.
I was pissed about this for at least 3 days. I am seeing the humour in it, but of course it's saddening too. How I got just as upset inside when my binge urges were dashed as when my healthy eating is sabotaged.
OK, so Jan 29-31 I didn't need to write anything down in my book, and I totally gave myself a free pass. I didn't go crazy, but I had a square of chocolate here and there, and on Sunday I had 2 cookies b/c that was all they had at my job training. On Friday, I had a burger on the ferry, and I didn't just get chicken burger and leave the bun off, but I got the full-on bacon cheddar burger AND FRIES. When was the last time I had fries? And about halfway through I decided that I didn't need another burger like that for at least a year. :)
I drove home on Sunday night, the 31st, knowing that I was starting the plan again the next morning. And I wanted to have a binge. Not a really really big one, but like, a normal restaurant meal (which are usually way huge, and more importantly for me, fat-riddled). I decided I wanted chinese food. I passed a chinese place in Nanaimo, then in Ladysmith. Then I started thinking about the one in Duncan (where I live). I decided to go home and invite J out with me, since he had mentioned wanting to go.
I got home, and he had made rice. He had venison tenderloins defrosted, but not cooked. I mentioned the chinese thing. He said we could go sometime in the next week, as he had already made rice. And then he asked if I would make the venison. Soooo... I did. I was so mad. Not at him, because he had been a nice boy and had something ready for when I came home, but because it was my last chance for a whole month at a fatty, greasy binge, that I had allowed that it was going to happen, that it could UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES happen the following week. It was my last chance for a whole 28 days, and I was going to eat a meal I could eat any other day? Lean meat, take as much or as little rice as I wanted, broccoli and tomato on the side.
I was pissed about this for at least 3 days. I am seeing the humour in it, but of course it's saddening too. How I got just as upset inside when my binge urges were dashed as when my healthy eating is sabotaged.