In game sexism
What do you do when somebody tells you not to do something? Don’t go there, it is dangerous. In real life, you might actually listen, but in larp, that would probably not be as much fun. I was confronted with this when a bomb was found at a gala event. Off course I wanted to see it and help defusing this imminent danger. In my pretty dress, without protection. A man a had not spoken to before told me not to go there. I could do three things: listen to him, ignore him and have a discussion about it. Listening would mean side lining myself, I consider ignoring a fellow player bad role-play behavior and I also don’t really want all my characters to be aggressive feminists.
To me, this scene had a mechanism that I had seen before: a man protects a woman by telling her to sit still and do nothing. Doing nothing is incredibly boring. So I tried to discuss this. My mistake was to do this on Facebook, I should have known better. I explained that I was pondering the topic of sexism in larp and wanted to have a discussion about it. I had a lot of fun in settings exploring sexism and other social constructs, but sometimes I just want to have an adventure without being told to sit still and do nothing just because I’m a woman. At first it seemed OK, though quite a few people did not really understand (or read correctly) what my aim was: to discuss. Instead they gave well meaning advice on how to play more powerful characters and that if I were to wear armor men would be less inclined to protect me.
A friend pointed an observation I really liked: quite a lot of men want to play the hero, the chivalrous knight. But not a lot of women come to a larp to play the damsel in distress. We are here to have our own adventure. Other people defended their right to be sexist. I tried to argue that I’m fine with in game sexism, as long as it is an interaction. You don’t really start interaction by shoving somebody aside.
Sadly, I felt that I had to leave the discussion. People thought it was necessary to try to attack me personally and told me to quit playing. I was very glad of the PM’s people sent me in support after people got nasty. To me the reactions from various “sides” proved that it is indeed a sensitive topic that deserves discussion. I hope to find a better platform for it, somewhere.
To me it boils down to this: I’m not an extra in your personal gritty realistic social drama, just there so you can dismiss me to add some flavor to your character. I’m your fellow player in an event that might by a gritty realistic social drama or a high fantasy setting where we can be anything we want. (You could be anything you want and you chose to be a sexist asshole.) (Also, I chose the word extra on purpose, and not NPC. I think you owe NPC’s to keep their enjoyment in mind as well.)
Sexism is an interesting topic to explore. It is a great source of conflict and conflict is interesting. But is it really interesting to explore this topic by forcing it upon the people who experience it already in daily life? Also, I don’t think you can explore this topic when not everybody is involved. I consider the kind of sexism I’m tired of as unequal. For the sending party it is easy and does not require any emotional investment. For the receiving party it is harder because you have to defend yourself and you are forced to play with a topic you might not even like for various reasons.
I’ve been to an event were sexism was part of the setting: a suburb in the USA of the early 1960’s. It was great. What I really liked about how we played with sexism was this: it affected everybody. The men had their struggles with the gender roles as well. I’m not entirely sure about the exact details of the characters, but it were stories like this: A man was scared to admit that his wife had left him. A young man found out that he was a father but the child was given up for adoption. A married couple that would have been great together was torn apart by social expectations concerning parenthood. A young gay man tried to fit in by dating a woman, got her pregnant and now felt forced to marry her and forsake his lover. (The drama density was a bit high, but drama is good.) There are other examples of events that explore this topic: From the 2014 Nordic larp yearbook Brudpris and Livsgald pop to mind. Exit III, the event I was talking about is also in the yearbook. I greatly enjoy playing with gender roles, preferably in a well balanced setting. I’m just not enjoying it always and everywhere.
As a closing remark: The first (non-advertisement) hit on DuckDuckGo (google alternative) for “larp sexism” is an article by Tara Clapper: Medieval fantasy larp and character sexism. A section expresses how I feel about sexism in larp: your milage may vary.
“I've spoken with other female LARPers who have indicated that what they are able to do in LARP makes them feel empowered in a way that they do not feel in real life; I think it's unfortunate that in some cases, respect and equality do not easily transfer to a real-life setting. However, we can focus on what we can do to achieve the same level of respect in real life.
I've also spoken with female LARPers who feel that in-game sexism limits them and makes them feel powerless. It's difficult realizing that this is not only something that can happen to your character, but you as a person. In this case, sexism in LARPs reinforces the real world issues many of us wish to escape.
I've felt both ways in game […]”
To me, this scene had a mechanism that I had seen before: a man protects a woman by telling her to sit still and do nothing. Doing nothing is incredibly boring. So I tried to discuss this. My mistake was to do this on Facebook, I should have known better. I explained that I was pondering the topic of sexism in larp and wanted to have a discussion about it. I had a lot of fun in settings exploring sexism and other social constructs, but sometimes I just want to have an adventure without being told to sit still and do nothing just because I’m a woman. At first it seemed OK, though quite a few people did not really understand (or read correctly) what my aim was: to discuss. Instead they gave well meaning advice on how to play more powerful characters and that if I were to wear armor men would be less inclined to protect me.
A friend pointed an observation I really liked: quite a lot of men want to play the hero, the chivalrous knight. But not a lot of women come to a larp to play the damsel in distress. We are here to have our own adventure. Other people defended their right to be sexist. I tried to argue that I’m fine with in game sexism, as long as it is an interaction. You don’t really start interaction by shoving somebody aside.
Sadly, I felt that I had to leave the discussion. People thought it was necessary to try to attack me personally and told me to quit playing. I was very glad of the PM’s people sent me in support after people got nasty. To me the reactions from various “sides” proved that it is indeed a sensitive topic that deserves discussion. I hope to find a better platform for it, somewhere.
To me it boils down to this: I’m not an extra in your personal gritty realistic social drama, just there so you can dismiss me to add some flavor to your character. I’m your fellow player in an event that might by a gritty realistic social drama or a high fantasy setting where we can be anything we want. (You could be anything you want and you chose to be a sexist asshole.) (Also, I chose the word extra on purpose, and not NPC. I think you owe NPC’s to keep their enjoyment in mind as well.)
Sexism is an interesting topic to explore. It is a great source of conflict and conflict is interesting. But is it really interesting to explore this topic by forcing it upon the people who experience it already in daily life? Also, I don’t think you can explore this topic when not everybody is involved. I consider the kind of sexism I’m tired of as unequal. For the sending party it is easy and does not require any emotional investment. For the receiving party it is harder because you have to defend yourself and you are forced to play with a topic you might not even like for various reasons.
I’ve been to an event were sexism was part of the setting: a suburb in the USA of the early 1960’s. It was great. What I really liked about how we played with sexism was this: it affected everybody. The men had their struggles with the gender roles as well. I’m not entirely sure about the exact details of the characters, but it were stories like this: A man was scared to admit that his wife had left him. A young man found out that he was a father but the child was given up for adoption. A married couple that would have been great together was torn apart by social expectations concerning parenthood. A young gay man tried to fit in by dating a woman, got her pregnant and now felt forced to marry her and forsake his lover. (The drama density was a bit high, but drama is good.) There are other examples of events that explore this topic: From the 2014 Nordic larp yearbook Brudpris and Livsgald pop to mind. Exit III, the event I was talking about is also in the yearbook. I greatly enjoy playing with gender roles, preferably in a well balanced setting. I’m just not enjoying it always and everywhere.
As a closing remark: The first (non-advertisement) hit on DuckDuckGo (google alternative) for “larp sexism” is an article by Tara Clapper: Medieval fantasy larp and character sexism. A section expresses how I feel about sexism in larp: your milage may vary.
“I've spoken with other female LARPers who have indicated that what they are able to do in LARP makes them feel empowered in a way that they do not feel in real life; I think it's unfortunate that in some cases, respect and equality do not easily transfer to a real-life setting. However, we can focus on what we can do to achieve the same level of respect in real life.
I've also spoken with female LARPers who feel that in-game sexism limits them and makes them feel powerless. It's difficult realizing that this is not only something that can happen to your character, but you as a person. In this case, sexism in LARPs reinforces the real world issues many of us wish to escape.
I've felt both ways in game […]”