the best lion ever
classes have begun, i'm still working, i'm loving my new and old neighbors, getting used to the bus schedule and traffic jams, i've rearranged my room and cleaned the apartment, and in general i'm getting reved up for senior year. i really love being a senior...i actually notice a difference in my attitude, interaction with others, and even my walk. yes, my walk. i walk like a senior. everyone lives off campus now, no more cramped rooms and stupid dorm rules. i'm 21, and i'm still amazed at the fact that i can now order a drink with dinner. i do drink a bit more than i used to, and perhaps that's not so good, but honestly, i have a lot more shit to deal with now than before, and the good news about that is that the more complicated life came right alongside me turning 21....how convenient. living at surrey square is amazing. not only do i have my 3 amazing roommates, but also sam and matt in A7, Natalie in B8, and of course, Josh, Scott, and Akash in B9. and khushboo and sterling live across the street in riverbend club, and of course there's the waterford/steeplechase guys just down the road. i love coming home from work or getting off the bus knowing that there's always SOMEONE there to hang out with. i'm really looking forward to this year, and football season, and fall in general.
in other news....i've just kinda accepted that things are going to be complicated in certain areas of my life, and there's nothing i can really do about that. sometimes you just have to go with the flow and stop overanalyzing everything, stop obsessing over one thing. i'm just going to do what i want, say and do what i feel. i'm the type of person who is governed by my emotions, and there's nothing i can do to change that. i feel my way through the world and i like it that way. some things just can't be solved by reason, there's just no logical or fast solution to some problems.....life is so much more complicated and beautiful than that, as irritating as it is sometimes. if there was a quick fix to every problem or heartache, life wouldn't be interesting. somehow i'm different now, a part of me has changed forever as a result of this crazy summer, but i'm really glad. i don't regret anything, absolutely nothing. i can't really describe it...but somehow....i'm different. i'm not saying that everything is fine by any means. i get so lonely, so incredibly lonely at night, especially when i know how good it feels so wake up and have someone there, to fall asleep in someone's arms. it just makes it harder to be without it. "and i never felt alone/till i met you" intimacy...it's such a hard thing to obtain sometimes...but once you have it, it'll never go away. there are so many comfort levels with friends. there's the aquaintances that you say hi to on the street and make small talk with, there's the friends that you make who you can actually have a decent conversation with, maybe hang out with in a group.....then there's the good friends, who you have a connection with, call up just to chat, hug when you see them, and always invite to go somewhere with you, then there's the best friends....who know you better than yourself sometimes and are always there when you need them, even at 4 in the morning when you're crying your eyes out. these are the people that when you don't hug them, you just feel like something's missing. then there's the....more than friend....a best friend with a whole other level of intimacy. it's just so strange how this concept of intimacy, and especially touch, really defines your relationships...it's really all based on intimacy. just a realization i came across this week. anyways, i don't even remember what i was talking about...but i guess even though maybe i won't feel this way tomorrow...maybe i'll have a breakdown and go crazy with all this frustration...who knows? at least i know i'm not alone in this. but it'll be o.k., and this is gonna be a great year.
dammit, i should sleep....but this is my odd night. (meaning that i typically sleep well one night and don't sleep well at all the next) sigh...
in other news....i've just kinda accepted that things are going to be complicated in certain areas of my life, and there's nothing i can really do about that. sometimes you just have to go with the flow and stop overanalyzing everything, stop obsessing over one thing. i'm just going to do what i want, say and do what i feel. i'm the type of person who is governed by my emotions, and there's nothing i can do to change that. i feel my way through the world and i like it that way. some things just can't be solved by reason, there's just no logical or fast solution to some problems.....life is so much more complicated and beautiful than that, as irritating as it is sometimes. if there was a quick fix to every problem or heartache, life wouldn't be interesting. somehow i'm different now, a part of me has changed forever as a result of this crazy summer, but i'm really glad. i don't regret anything, absolutely nothing. i can't really describe it...but somehow....i'm different. i'm not saying that everything is fine by any means. i get so lonely, so incredibly lonely at night, especially when i know how good it feels so wake up and have someone there, to fall asleep in someone's arms. it just makes it harder to be without it. "and i never felt alone/till i met you" intimacy...it's such a hard thing to obtain sometimes...but once you have it, it'll never go away. there are so many comfort levels with friends. there's the aquaintances that you say hi to on the street and make small talk with, there's the friends that you make who you can actually have a decent conversation with, maybe hang out with in a group.....then there's the good friends, who you have a connection with, call up just to chat, hug when you see them, and always invite to go somewhere with you, then there's the best friends....who know you better than yourself sometimes and are always there when you need them, even at 4 in the morning when you're crying your eyes out. these are the people that when you don't hug them, you just feel like something's missing. then there's the....more than friend....a best friend with a whole other level of intimacy. it's just so strange how this concept of intimacy, and especially touch, really defines your relationships...it's really all based on intimacy. just a realization i came across this week. anyways, i don't even remember what i was talking about...but i guess even though maybe i won't feel this way tomorrow...maybe i'll have a breakdown and go crazy with all this frustration...who knows? at least i know i'm not alone in this. but it'll be o.k., and this is gonna be a great year.
dammit, i should sleep....but this is my odd night. (meaning that i typically sleep well one night and don't sleep well at all the next) sigh...