a quiz and a love update
Its the ABC's! ;)
[A is for age]: 23
[B is for beer of choice]: Leinie's Honeyweiss...but I'm really not that picky.
[C is for career]: ::sigh:: Office Bitch, for now
[D is for your dog's name]: Taylor and Darwin (but i call him Weenie)
[E is for your essential daily item]: uh....soap? i like my Patchoulli French soap.
[F is for favorite song at the moment]: er...can I get back to you? (what Ellen said, most likely. I like what she likes. )
[G is for favorite games]: oh....computer puzzle games. You know, those ones you can try out on certain game developer sites...yeah, Im weird.
[H is for Hometown]: Im a nomad. Ain't got no hometown, yo.
[I is for the instrument you play]: I sing. LA!!!
[J is for favorite flavor of juice]: cranberry grape
[K is for kids]: later, definately. But REALLY not now. Nope.
[L is for last hug?]: awwww...this is sad. But, well...two weeks ago...best hugs ever, too. guh. lets move on....
[M is for marriage]: I want to, when the time is right.
[N is for name of your crush]: So, is it a crush if youre involved in some way? or rather, that the feelings are mutual?
[O is for overnight hospital stays]: um...i think i had one when i was nine, for my ear surgery.
[P is for phobias]: uh...haunted houses. its bizzare, i know. OH, and of suceeding, apparently.
[Q is for quote]: the one on my journal page...i like that one. dont know who said it though....
[R is for biggest regret]: Giving in to my fear of sucess.
[S is for status]: uhhh...not married? thats the best i can do.
[T is for time you wake up]: 6:45 am. stupid Adult life. :(
[U is for underwear]: oh, love the thongs. no panty lines :)
[V is for vegetable you love]: hmmm...mushrooms, beets, aaaannnd...green beans. oh, and i like asparagus too.
[W is for worst habit]: Falling in love too quickly. oh, well, that and picking at my blemishes.
[X is for x-rays you've had]: uh, several. nothing severe though.
[Y is for yummy food you make]: oh man, i ROCK at pasta/chicken concoctions that i throw together for dinner. I'm actually pretty good at making meals now that ive been doing a lot of it.
[Z is for zodiac]: Capricorn. Baaaah.
Well, things are as okay as they can be. Geno is out of the hospital, as of Sunday. He called me on his way home. He sounds so much better. He's getting what he needs, and his life is finally full of possibilities and hope, instead of the depression and pain. Okay, well, yes, the stress and anxiety of his troubles are STILL there, but now he has the strength to face them, and gain what he needs to grow and move on. SOO, he is doing better. As for where I fit into this...well, its still up in the air. Bottom line, he can't really be in a bonified relationship now. With anyone. Of course, feelings cannot be simply shunned away, and we both agree that we want each other in our lives...so, basically, we wait. I wait. is this scary as hell? Yes. WHY am I doing this? because i want to be with him. and he will get better. And, hell...we're so young. Who needs to rush??? Im not really ready for anything THAT serious anyway. So, we wait. He learns who he is, as an induvidual. He needs his identity before becoming involved. Its hard, because I cant say all the things i want to, and we can't be as intimate as we have been, i imagine. No more kissing and such. :( well, maybe just for a little while, then we can ease back into things. It really is a touch and go sort of deal. I really care about him, and am willing to put my own needs on hold for a while. Because in the end, by doing that now, i can potentially achieve MORE because he will be able to care for me and be with me in ways that benefit BOTH our lives. See? theres a lot of hope, and faith involved here now. How much more gratifying will this be? It will move past an instant gratification sort of interaction, to something more meaningful. What I actually want more than that instant gratification of having just ANYONE to hold. Because, i no longer feel that need. This is not about just having ANYONE. Hell, Im sure if thats what i was going for, i wouldnt be sitting here lamenting my loss of physical affections for the near future. No, this is everything to do with going further, and reaching for more. MUCH more. THe connection and companionship i want and need. some sadness and disappointment now for long term deeper happiness in the future? i dont think thats actually that large of a sacrifice. The only thing that could hinder this is the uncertainty that simply comes with life. Ah, well...cant predict the future, can only more toward it.