to the presumably bewhiskered ones whom it may concern:
Dear Creatures Which Dwell In My Attic,
I am aware of neither your genus nor species, though if I were to hazard a guess I suppose a safe bet would be some form of rodentiae. I cannot fathom how (assuming that you are among the physically smaller orders of mammals which inhabit this diverse planet of ours) you can make such incredibly loud scratching noises, particularly while I am trying to sleep. While I realize that you are likely nocturnal by nature, I should like to remind you that you do not have actual jobs to go to in the morning, unlike your human "housemates". Thus, if we are to continue this heretofore peaceful coexistence, I must implore you to cease these nighttime disturbances. I would hate to be forced to take what you might deem to be "drastic" measures...
Very Sincerely,
athelasleaf
P.S. I often wonder how you came to reside in the attic in the first place, but perhaps it is best I do not know.
I am aware of neither your genus nor species, though if I were to hazard a guess I suppose a safe bet would be some form of rodentiae. I cannot fathom how (assuming that you are among the physically smaller orders of mammals which inhabit this diverse planet of ours) you can make such incredibly loud scratching noises, particularly while I am trying to sleep. While I realize that you are likely nocturnal by nature, I should like to remind you that you do not have actual jobs to go to in the morning, unlike your human "housemates". Thus, if we are to continue this heretofore peaceful coexistence, I must implore you to cease these nighttime disturbances. I would hate to be forced to take what you might deem to be "drastic" measures...
Very Sincerely,
athelasleaf
P.S. I often wonder how you came to reside in the attic in the first place, but perhaps it is best I do not know.