Ponder

[atfm]

A few weeks into the new year, perhaps still looking back on the old one, perhaps looking forward to what's to come, I'd like to try something. I want to ask a question and hope that a lot of people will answer it for me. Just because I'm curious and because I believe it's something we all wonder at some point

Comments

[unicorn23]

Am I happy? I don't think so. There are a lot of things missing in my life. Yes, I have a job but I don't find it particularly fun. I can always move on and find something else but either I'm too scared to venture out there or I'm just too damn lazy about it.

I also want to move out because I feel as if my life won't get started until I do so. Again, this hasn't happened yet because I'm not actively pursuing it and also because I'm not looking forward to how my dad will react. I've heard enough crap from him when my sister moved out and how she's wasting all her money paying rent, blah, blah, blah. He's really getting on my nerves more and more with his crappy and overly critical attitude and general lack of support on anything. But I digress.

Another thing that's contributing to my lack of happiness is the lack of friends. I have all my online friends but having friends here with me is an entirely different thing. No man is an island and I can certainly attest to that. Why is it so hard to meet people with the same interests as me? I'm a perfectly nice person, I think. *sigh*

Lastly, I'm in this stage in my life where I want to be in a relationship. I was fine with being single for the majority of last year but now, it's a different story. I know being in a relationship is not the be-all and end-all but that's what I want in my life. I need that someone to balance out my work life and my social life.

I know most of the above can be easily solved if I just got off my ass and did something but it's really easier said than done, imo. It's kinda sad that I'm not motivated enough (at least not yet) to do something about my life and to make it better. This isn't the right attitude at all and I know it and it feels like I'm just taking up space in this world and not taking full advantage of being alive.

Wow, I can't believe I just wrote all that. That was very good therapy and I'm glad to have that off my chest. Thanks for that chance, hon. I needed that.

[randriantastic]

*huuuugs* I feel really similar, Charness! I'm starting to feel kinda over my job and wondering if I can really do it for two years while I do my course, gah. But it IS decent money and they're being good to me about flexible hours and stuff, so that's good, I guess.

I've also been thinking about moving out - I love my sister but I feel like a lot of the routines I'd established are kinda not there any more... and I kinda feel a lot like I have to be indebted to her and Jake for doing stuff around the house, and then there's the whole gay thing which is kinda an unspoken issue. But I don't think I can really afford it at the moment.

Friends. I'm really hoping to meet some new friends in my new course, but who knows. I don't know if I've really opened up all that much, so why should I really make any new friends if I made only one in my Bachelor's? And a few of my friends have moved away or are going to this year, which is a bit bleak.

Relationship. I've been in a total funk over the past few days, maybe a week, about wanting a boyfriend. I was fine with being single for a while, but I think I'm back in this phase again. I think I want something constant in my life - though I guess relationships aren't always the most constant thing. And this is where my mother would start going on about God, ugh, I am going to make an entry about that.

sigh ANYWAY. You asked, Max. ;)

[atfm]

At least you'll know that you can hopefully quit the job after two years, but it can be a long time if you don't like it. When does your course start?

Living together with someone after you've lived on your own for quite a while can be difficult because you establish your own routines and patterns and don't have to worry about anything else. So, it's understandable that you think about moving out.

I think France has made you a lot more social, and if you're really open for new friends, you'll eventually find them. I imagine that it could happen quite easily because you're a wonderful person.

A relationship is a constant at least for a while, it's just something to hold on to when everything else gets a little chaotic, and wouldn't it be nice to have someone to come home to? Having someone you love and who loves you can counterbalance a lot of bad things and put them in perspective.

Yes, I asked, and this is the kind of answer I wanted, just completely honest.

[randriantastic]

It starts Feb 11, which is not far away. I have an info session tomorrow, which I'm kinda exciting about!

Have you considered a career in therapy? ;)

[atfm]

Ooh, nice! How was it?

LOL, no. ;)

[randriantastic]

sigh it was really bleak. It wasn't an info session as advertised - it turned out instead to be a course advice session, and it was so lame because everyone showed up at 12, and then there were 4 advisors, and there was NO system and it was so disorganised and I waited ages. And then when I saw the lady, I felt like I didn't get as much information as I wanted but I didn't seem to have any questions, ugh, and other people spent so much longer with them, you know? Anyway, it was bleak. Sorry to rant. :-p

[atfm]

Ugh, lack of organisation sucks, especially when you could really use some guidance at the beginning of a course. You can probably still get some more info somewhere if you have more questions, right? And as long as the course doesn't suck...you'll be fine, things will fall into place.

[unicorn23]

Oh gosh, what a pity party. ;)

I really hope 2008 is a better year for you and me (and for our mutual friends) because I can't take this nonsense anymore. I want to be happy for a change!

[atfm]

Having a job you enjoy is crucial I think because we just do spend a lot of our time working, and if we don't like what we're doing, it's a huge waste of time in our lives. At the same time, it's very understandable that starting something new, getting oneself going to change something, can be very daunting.

Moving out is a very important step towards living one's life not only in one's own responsibility, but also on one's own terms. It's essential to one's personal development. It may be part of your culture to live at home as long as possible, but at some point, even your dad is gonna have to accept that you're a grown woman and need to start living your own life, and that's the point - even if he's not happy with it, it's YOUR life.

Friends are so, so important, and no matter how many good online friends you have, they can never be a substitute for real-life friends. Socialisation greatly contributes to happiness and one's sanity, and I very much understand that you regret not having friends.

As for a relationship, it's not the most important thing there is, but it would be nice to have one, wouldn't it? and if that's what you feel you need right now it doesn't matter if anyone else says it's not that important because it'd obviously contribute to your happiness.

Motivation is a huge issue for a lot of people. Somehow, we often complain about the way our lives are but still can't get ourselves to do anything about it, and we hate it.

No problem. :) *mwah*