empress (of the lost)
who: river and doctor
what: forgiveness?
when: aug. 8
where: Bluebird
rating: G?
status: incomplete
( river = unknown variable (x) )
what: forgiveness?
when: aug. 8
where: Bluebird
rating: G?
status: incomplete
( river = unknown variable (x) )
It hurt the most to realize just how many memories had been so easily forgotten. Her and Simon [she is eight years old] sitting in their living room and arguing about who made the biggest impact on modern physics [Albert Einstein or Isaac Newton? River argues the former and Simon only concedes when River begins crying and Daddy tells him to stop upsetting his little sister.]
Outside, River sniffled and made a quiet gasping sound. Inside, she numbly put the image aside and retreated farther and farther - until something she sensed made her blood run cold. Doctor - - that - - is not mine.
It felt tangible, like a computer program, like something hardwired to every cell of her being. And it wasn't hers it wasn't hers! River clawed backwards, desperately wanting to get out and do so immediately. This fabrication made her feel inhuman.
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When the terror gripped her, he wanted to pull her away, pull her out of the memory, but he wanted to see as well. Needed to see what scared her so badly.
Fighting, blood, screams, the crunch of bone, pain, gunfire.
Miranda
He chased after River, wrapping his mind around her, attempting to shelter her from the pain, afraid to leave her alone in her mind with the fear.
Shhh it can't hurt you, I've got you, you're safe. Come with me, River. Focus on my thoughts, focus on my voice.
The Doctor began talking aloud along with his thoughts, slowly pulling away, leading River along with him.
"That's it, just a little further," he coaxed, firmly holding her head between his hands, unwilling to break contact until she was with him.
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The word made something click; suddenly the machinery fell into her hands, her world tainted by a sheen of hypnotic blue. And there was the enemy.
River's hand was a fist, cutting through air and space, colliding hard with his chest. Her body was an extension of the motion, taking hold of the tie she had examined before with such love, pulling it back, and with a practiced yank, sending him to the floor behind her.
She was on him, then, with moves only a dancer could accomplish as her hand closed around his throat and her eyes watched his - unfocused.
The blankness in those eyes, pupils dilated, void of emotion, was possibly the most terrifying thing of all.
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His fingers latched around River's wrists, squeezing them tightly. He didn't want to hurt her and he really didn't want her to hurt him, if for no other reason than he knew it would break her.
Unable to speak with her hands so tightly around his throat, he reached out with his mind. What he found scared him more than anything else. It was all white noise, blocking out everything that was River.
RIVER! Stop! Listen to me, River. The Sun now rose upon the right:
Out of the sea came he, Still hid in mist, and on the left Went down into the sea. What's next, River? Brilliant, beautiful, River, what comes next?
He could feel the pressure building behind his eyes, and even with his special physiology, he still needed air.
RIVER WHAT COMES NEXT?!
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Words. Words seemed so familiar to her. She could remember speaking them, using her mouth in conjunction with her vocal cords to form thought into syllable. And there were words in her head from a familiar voice. Something about it...her grip slackened enough to let him breathe.
There was panic and fear all around her, coming from him, from the walls. Yet it did not register in the usual way. It wasn't her own. Still, his words permeated her skull, garbled by the noise inside into binary madness.
What came next? A challenge and a puzzle and a question she had to answer.
"A-and the good ssouth wind still - blew behind. B-but no sweet b-bird did f-follow." Her voice was quiet and distorted, but something came back to those eyes. They grew wide - impossibly wide with horror. "...no sweet bird did follow..."
River the Girl let go and skittered back as far from the Doctor as the room allowed, staring at her hands while her mouth opened and closed in silent screams.
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When she scrambled away looking horrified, he crawled toward her, making soothing noises.
"Shh, it's okay," he said, holding up his hands. "It's ok, see, I'm fine, I'm fine," he repeated, despite the fact his throat felt raw and he was pretty certain he had a huge lump where his head had hit the floor.
"River, look at me," he said, his voice low and calm as he slowly reached for her, pushing her hands gently down. "River, it's okay, I found you, see," he said, smiling. "I found you."
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"Don't - ! Hurt you..." Her voice broke as her fingers moved to his throat, pulling back fearfully at the last second. She splayed her trembling hand over her mouth. "Hurt you...Can't pretend. I'm dangerous."
There was so much of everything to her now; shame, horror, sorrow. Here was the only man in the universe that could - no, that wanted to - help her, and she'd almost killed him. Would Kaylee be next? River curled into herself, wishing to disappear.
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"You could have killed me, but you didn't," he said softly, sliding an arm around her shoulder. "You didn't, you stopped," he pointed out, gently pulling her against his chest. "But you didn't, you stopped and you remembered."
He rocked River gently, repeating the soothing noises and reassurances over and over.
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River was finding it too hard to speak. She let him hold her because it was comforting, because she'd adopted him as her family. The gentle rocking and the beat of his hearts calmed her, allowing her to close her eyes without fear.
"So sorry. So so sorry. Don't deserve this isn't right. Making everything complicated. Two by two when in actuality one by one. It's River causing all this pain."
She reached once more to his neck to touch the welts that reminded her of her fingers. Let her destroy herself, Doctor. Already beyond repair. She decided life was easier to deal with when Simon had her on so much medication she felt sick.
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The Doctor closed his eyes, focusing on his body, healing the visible signs of damage on his neck. When he was certain the marks were gone, he opened his eyes.
Knowing he needed to get River away from her current train of thought, he began telling her a story, sharing a part of himself with her. It was of a time long ago, when he was just a boy on Gallifrey, trying to learn how to live after looking into the time vortex, seeing all of space and time. How terrifying it was, but he managed to survive and learned to cope. Just like River would learn to do.
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"And you kept running," she softly answered when his story came to a close. She chewed on her lower lip, giving a low, shuddering breath. "I'm running. Won't touch it won't let you touch it." She paused then, her words half-questioning, half-pleading with him, "Will you lock me up in TARDIS too? M'dangerous like Him."
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Then he smiled brightly, his voice lightening. "Just a bit of organizing, that's all! It's going to take some time, but nice thing about being a Time Lord is that I have loads of it. Now, it seems to me that someone wanted a peek at my library," he said, nudging River. "What do you say? Want to see?"
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River nodded gratefully in response to his offer, smiling at him with so much respect and adoration. The idea of a Time Lord's library seemed incredible.
They helped each other stand, River unsure of who needed the assistance more. "Library," she said decisively. "I'd like to."
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"Come on then, there's books waiting for you!"
Once River was settled, he'd go find the other Time Lord and ensure he left the girl alone.
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Clearing her throat, River squeezed his hand in return. "I'd like to read."
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Not with the Master.
"But yes, you can stay there and read, and you can always come back again, alright?"
Isolating River from the rest of the world was the last thing she needed.
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