Entering with a crack...of apparation that is...

[potion_stained]

Who: Severus Snape (OPEN)
When: Right now
Where: The Park
What: Snape is here, ready to take points from those responsible for this mess.

Comments

[xxdabiffestxx]

Now here's what it is, like: Biffy was well certain he wasn't supposed to be here, but he was well certain that if he was where he was supposed to be he'd be having to do flying or revision for his flying exams or flying or something, and he'd done flying already that week and having to do it at all hours just because some Hitler or something was coming over to shoot them up with guns and things was actually against his human rights and could cause him stress, so bunking off wasn't like something he wasn't inclined to do, if you follow, and this place wasn't any gayer than Germany or wherever it was they'd been, you know, in Europe or some shit, isn't it? So he wasn't bothered. It was well lame not having his homeboys around to chill with, but their loss, isn't it.

So he was sitting on a bench or some shit in like a park and this geezer just sort of appeared, like, and started chatting up nonsense and this and that, and Biffy looked up from tamping his pipe and said cheerfully: "Isn't it that magic is gay shit for fairies, like?"

[potion_stained]

Snape turned on his heel, glaring at the man with the most offending vocabulary he'd ever had to witness.

"What? Are you capable of speaking proper English?"

[xxdabiffestxx]

"You know," Biffy replied with wide-eyed innocence, "you isn't my teacher so you can't actually tell me how to talk. And anyway you've got on a dress so you can't say shit to me, you bender."

[potion_stained]

Snape's jaw clenched and his fingers tightened around his wand. "You are obviously some kind of mentally deficient imbecile, which is the only thing keeping me from hexing the tongue to the roof of your mouth."

[xxdabiffestxx]

"Yes, well, you've got on a dress." Biffy considered for a moment and then continued: "And you're going on about doing things to my mouth, which is actually sexual harrassment and I'll report you and say you touched my bum and are a paedo."

(OOC: If you want to actually put a hex on him or something I would find that hilarious and you have my permission :V)

[potion_stained]

"I've changed my mind. You're not an imbecile, you're merely the worst sort of chav."

Snape raised his wand, casting a silencing charm on the obscene stranger.

"Did you have something else to say?" he asked, smirking.

[xxdabiffestxx]

You're a massive gaylord and you've got on a dress was what he was going to say, only nothing came out, so he tried again, and this was just bollocks and that dress-wearing geezer had just done a magic on him which was actually against his human rights and shit, besides being kiddy-book nonsense for remtards who want to be benders when they grow up, but he couldn't actually say any of that so instead he made a few rude gestures and considered trying to nick the geezer's little fairy wand or maybe his mobile if he had one, only that would be effort, like, so instead another rude gesture.

[potion_stained]

"You're no different than the immature students I deal with on a daily basis. The only thing that separates you, is that there are rules preventing me from doing anything truly horrible to them. You, do not have a guarantee of safety."

Snape raised his wand and smirked. "Petrificus Totalus." He watched in amusement as the man sat frozen on the bench.

"I'm sorry, were you saying something?"

[xxdabiffestxx]

Right, this was definitely against his human rights and he was going to report this guy for molestation and shit and his mum was going to kill him when she found out. You just wait, fairy dress bender. You just wait.

[potion_stained]

"Yes, that's what I thought."

Snape left him there as he took in his surroundings, sniffing the air and listening for the familiar sounds of London. But the air was all wrong, and while the imbecile had the correct accent, things did not feel right.

He turned to face the idiot. "I'm going to release the spells, and you're going to tell me where we are. If you value your life, you'll stop spewing out rubbish and tell me what I wish to know."

Snape released the spells.

[xxdabiffestxx]

"I don't know, you bleeding loony, we're in a park or some shit," Biffy said instantly, so very very indignant. "It obviously isn't London because London is all bombed out and shit with, like, holes in and rubbish or something and they bitch about it on the radio all the time so we feel bad and try and shoot up Jerry, whoever that is, like with our guns and aeroplanes and shit, so we isn't in London and there isn't any Hitlers so it isn't Germany - you turned me into a gay-ass statue!!! That is so actually literally against my human rights, and I'm telling my mother."

[potion_stained]

Snape sighed, rolled his eyes, and put the silencing charm on the idiot once again. "You obviously have issues concerning your latent homosexuality that need addressing," he said absentmindedly as he thought.

Just his luck that he stumbled upon the craziest person in wherever the hell he was. Not England and apparently not Germany, if he could believe the insane git.

[xxdabiffestxx]

You can't keep doing this, it is against my human rights and I am SO telling, Biffy mouthed at the fairy dress bender angrily. It wasn't his fault this geezer had no sense of directions or some shit, he was in the bleeding RAF not the Association for Fairy Dress Bender Park Tour Guides or whatever. And then he had accused Biffy of being a bender, which was rich and he should talk since he was wearing a dress and had skanky hair like a gypsy. This was the most utterly unfair thing since that time with the firing squad.

Biffy did have a map, though, and in a fit of momentary usefulness he pulled it out and threw it at the fairy dress bender. It was all such as printed on a scarf or some shit so it ought to be just the thing, benders liked silk scarves, didn't they? Standard. (It was a map of the Germany/France border, and thus not likely to actually be useful in the circumstances, but Biffy'd had a moment of meaning well when he got it out, which ought to count for something like with karma or some shit.)

[potion_stained]

Snape snatched the map, looked at it and tossed it aside. "This isn't Europe you twat," Snape snarled, ignoring the man's angry mouthing. "And if you don't settle down this minute, I will petrify you again and leave you for the birds to shit upon," he added for good measure.

[xxdabiffestxx]

SO. TOTES. INDIGNANT. He was trying to be HELPFUL! Snape don't know that this isn't Europe! It could be Europe! This dress-wearing geezer comes along and asks where they is and then starts FRONTING on him and turning Biffy into bleeding gay-ass STATUES and then gets all like OH I'M SO BLOODY SMART when Biffy actually tries to be HELPFUL? What a massive ungrateful gaylord, honestly, see if Biffy tries to be nice to you ever again. Paedo.

Night!!

[potion_stained]

Snape nearly cracked a smile at the lunatics indignant air. He'd never seen someone so out of control with their emotions, with the exception of Potter of course, who couldn't keep his mouth shut to save his bloody life.

"You're really quite mad, aren't you?"