(Untitled)

[the_five_signs]

Who:  Sirius and Remus (Yeah, he's really getting around, isn't he?)
When:  February 24th, 9pm
Where:  Remus' house, Sirius (and Remus) bedroom
What:  Remus needs to have a talk with Sirius
Rating:  PG, this is Remus!
Status:  Complete

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[bloodydrapery]

At the sound of Remus's voice, Sirius sat up quickly. He hadn't been doing much of anything, really, just lying back staring at the ceiling. Something had been bothering him lately, eating away deep within his chest, but he couldn't quite put a finger on it.

"Hey," he smiled at Remus. "What's up?"

[the_five_signs]

"I wanted to let you know that I've rented an apartment, for Jalil.. he's the man who's been living here for the last two weeks." The one Sirius hadn't ever met. It seemed strange to Remus. "I'm going to be living there every other day.. spending the night every other night. So I'll still be around for Lily and you, and if Harry needs me, but I need to spend some time away, and with a friend that I actually see more than once a week. I don't this want to turn into.. a fight. So just tell me that you understand. I'm not breaking up with you, I just.. think we need some time apart. And if we don't live together, I won't be so upset that I never see you."

[bloodydrapery]

After the first sentence or two, all Sirius could really hear was a blur of sound and his blood rushing in his ears. Remus was... leaving?

Leaving? Leaving... Sirius?

And had he said... living with someone else? Another man?

How... what...? Sirius was staring now, he was fully aware of that. And he definitely wasn't smiling anymore. But everything was rushing around in his head, and he couldn't really make sense of it all. There were too many words and he just knew that somewhere along the line, he had to have heard wrong. "You... you're what?" he managed finally. "Remus, you're... you're leaving?"

[the_five_signs]

"I'm going to be spending every other night with a friend, I'm going to be spending all the other nights right here. That's all." Reminded with a slow lift of his eyebrows.

[bloodydrapery]

'That's all,' Remus had said. As if it were simple. As if it wasn't a big deal at all.

But if that were the case, why did Sirius's heart feel as though it were splitting inside him?

"Moony, I... I don't understand..."

[the_five_signs]

"What don't you understand? I know you've been sick the last few days.. but what about the fifteen days before that? And the month before that? Sirius, I live with you and I never see you unless I'm coming to bed. When come up, you're sleeping. When I wake up, you're gone. Merlin, Sirius, I haven't slept in our bed for a week and you haven't noticed. It's just time to give it a break. I'm lonely. I've made a few friends and I'm going to spend some time with them."

[bloodydrapery]

"Remus, I--" Sirius started, and then stopped. What could he say? It was the truth... he'd been spending more and more time out of the house. When in the house, he'd been mostly in their room. He and Remus hadn't talked like they used to in a long time, and that feeling that had been squeezing on Sirius's chest clenched harder.

"I'm sorry, Remus. I've... I've been spending a lot of time with Harry, and I... I don't know. I've had this... this feeling. Like restlessness or..." he shook his head and squeezes his eyes shut for a moment in frustration. "Like I felt when I was trapped in Grimmauld Place. And sometimes I just... had to get out, and I didn't even think. Remus, I'm-- I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I honestly wish I could give you a better explanation but I can't."

He stepped off the bed and went to stand before Remus at the doorway. "But Moony, I can tell you that I never wanted to hurt you, ever, and I really, really love you. Don't... don't do this."

[the_five_signs]

"That's alright. You're restless, and that's okay. So am I." He inclined his head some. "How long have you been spending time with Harry? The last week? The last two? Since New Years Eve?" He was getting a little defensive now, but he kept his voice evenly calm.

[bloodydrapery]

Sirius glanced up at Remus. He could only assume Remus's reaction had to do with the fight he and Harry had. Sirius knew about it, but there was no way in bloody hell he'd try to come between a disagreement his boyfriend was having with his godson. There was just no way to do it without hurting someone he loved, and while it seemed like he'd failed at that anyway, it was something he really didn't want to do.

"For a while," he shrugged, meeting Remus's eyes and silently pleading with him not to be upset.

[the_five_signs]

"You spent the entire month of January with Harry?" This had Remus lifting his eyebrows some, almost challengingly. "Sirius.. if I hadn't come up here to tell you that I was going to start trading off days between here and an apartment.. you never would have known."

[bloodydrapery]

"No," he answered, shaking his head. To an extent, Remus had misunderstood what he'd said. "A lot of that time, when I'd leave, I wouldn't be with Harry, or anyone. I'd just... find myself walking, or sitting at the ravine. Or turning into Padfoot."

To Remus's statement, he shook his head frantically. "Moony, that's not true!" He reached out and grabbed Remus's hand, needing a way, any way to stop this from happening. "Don't you know how important you are to me? Moony, I'm sorry I've been an idiot and I hurt you and I don't think... I don't think I can ever tell you how bloody sorry I am, but just give me a chance and I can fix this. I promise! Whatever I'm going through, I can't get through it without you." You're everything to me.

[the_five_signs]

He tugged his hand away, though. "Then fix it. I'll be here every other day. Come see me some time." His eyebrows lifted slowly.. then he turned and moved out the open door. He had to go now, or he'd break down and agree not to leave at all.

[bloodydrapery]

Where Remus's hand had been, it now felt like Sirius was holding an icicle. He pushed himself out the doorway and tried, one more time. He couldn't just let Remus walk away. "I love you, Remus," he promised to the werewolf's turned back. "You know I love you. You know I'll always love you."

[the_five_signs]

"I love you too, Sirius. I really do. You know that." He turned around to face him. "I'm not breaking up with you. I'm spending three nights a week at an apartment. And if you're ready to put some effort into our relationship, when I come home, you can come see me. Take me on a date. Watch a movie with me. Something other than ignore me. Even if you just come to tell me that you're too tired to do anything and that you need to spend a day as Padfoot. Anything would be better than nothing. But just anything isn't going to make things okay."

[bloodydrapery]

Sirius stared at Remus through glassy eyes for a long moment, taking in his words as best he could. He understood. He hated it, wished to Merlin he could make this moment go away. But he understood, and he couldn't deny Remus this. He knew he had to do what would make his boyfriend happy. And he just had to swear to himself that he would do everything to make sure he didn't lose him. Finally, he nodded, afraid if he spoke he might actually cry. Sirius Black didn't like to cry.

[the_five_signs]

"Thank you. I just need some time to think about a few things." He leaned in and gave him a brief kiss on the mouth.. then headed down the hall.