What have you been up to?

[geniustoshiko]

Who: Owen and Tosh
What: A late-night chat
When: the early morning hours of February 5-6 (sometime in there)
Where: Tosh and Owen's flat

Comments

[geniustoshiko]

Well, alien AI was certainly something they were all familiar with, and Tosh wondered why Owen was keeping it a secret from her. Wasn't this something she could help with?

"cos I can't fix it."

Ah, so that was the problem. It was a trait of Owen's that Tosh knew well, because she had it herself- wanting to prove she could do things on her own, that she didn't need anyone's help.

It usually proved to be not such a wise idea.

Tosh thought for a few moments, squeezing Owen's hand and wracking her brain to try and remember if they had faced anything like this at Torchwood. Losing memories was pretty common, of course, when they Retconned people, but this...

"I think we had a case like this, once, maybe back before you joined Torchwood," Tosh finally said, thinking aloud. "It was mostly one of Jack's things, though- I do remember looking up medical records and brain scans for a woman who he said was losing her memory. Don't remember what came of it, though- perhaps you should talk to Jack?" Tosh offered, the memory being the only related thing she could think of. "I know you hate not being able to figure this out, but you can't always save everyone, Owen." She said this last part gently, knowing it was something that would hit home with him.

[kingoftheweevil]

Every muscle in Owen's body froze. His lungs (reliable things, usually) refused his commands to breathe, dammit! The fingers Tosh held so dutifully clenched hard around hers; he had to force memory back into those parts of his thoughts that said to be careful not to hurt her, even if he had to pull away to do so.

He stood. Stretched in an empty gesture. "You want anything to eat?" The words tasted hollow and humorless.

[geniustoshiko]

Toshiko was not sure what had just happened, but it was as though an arctic wind had blown through the room, the mood changing suddenly and strangely.

"No, Owen. What-?" she looked up at him quizzically, unsure of what part of what she'd said had caused his sudden shift in mood.

[kingoftheweevil]

He didn't want anything either, but took his cue to stalk into the kitchen and pulled a beer from the fridge. Maybe it was because Chloe was blonde. That could have something to do with it. It wasn't her fault he'd never really come to terms what the loss of his fiancee. Not her fault he felt so damn helpless again. This was psychological repression at its highest.

Owen took a long drink.

[geniustoshiko]

Tosh remained on the sofa for the moment, frozen and stunned by what had just happened.

What did I say?!??

Over the past few months, Tosh thought she had become fairly proficient at avoiding the 'landmines' that could come up in their conversations, but now she was just completely lost. She could almost pinpoint the moment when she'd felt Owen shut down, throwing up a solid wall between them.

After a few moments, Tosh stood up, nervously making her way into the kitchen. She had a million things running through her head, though none of them seemed like the right question to ask.

So she just stood in the doorway, silently watching him.

[kingoftheweevil]

"She wasn't just a woman."

Owen rolled the taste of beer around his mouth. He didn't drink because he liked to -- he drank out of necessity. Years of being a bachelor taught him that much. Drinking became an offhand conversation starter in clubs with attractive women. Drinking gave him an image.

With Torchwood, its importance was elevated to a whole new standard. You drank to forget the horrors you saw and the monsters you faced. The monsters people turned into; Suzie with her madness and the rest of them with the way they rid themselves so casually of her presence. Well that was that! So long and good night in the morgue. (He knew what it was like to wake up on that cold slab of metal, now.)

Owen swallowed a mouthful of beer but the taste stayed thick on his tongue.

"Her name was Katie."

[geniustoshiko]

It took Tosh a few moments to understand what in the world Owen was talking about.

What woman? Who is-

Then her words came back to her.

a woman who was losing her memory

"You knew her," Tosh said, the words more of a sad statement than a question.

[kingoftheweevil]

He met Tosh's eyes with a sad grin of his own. And shrugged. Shrugged of all things despite the strange weight on his chest. His scar itched, but Owen figured he was just imagining it, playing with the bottle in his hands.

"We were going to get married."

[geniustoshiko]

Now it was Tosh's turn to freeze, her heart skipping a few beats.

"We were going to get married."

Perhaps it was just the complete shock of the thought- the Owen she knew never seemed like the marrying type, an idea Tosh had resigned herself to a long time ago.

Tosh closed her eyes for a few moments, letting out a long breath and hoping she could think of something to say.

"I'm sorry," was all she could manage, said in a voice that was little more than a whisper. "I'm so sorry, Owen."

[kingoftheweevil]

"Don't be." He wasn't short with her. No, his voice showed resignation where anger would normally be. He'd grown with Tosh, in the past few months, and in so many ways the bliss was frustrating. He hadn't felt this happy since Katie, and that somehow seemed wrong. Everyone he'd ever been happy with seemed to disappear.

"It was a long time ago. This just brought back some unfortunate memories, is all."

[geniustoshiko]

"Still, I'm sorry," Tosh murmured, taking a few steps forward and stopping just in front of Owen. "I had no idea."

Not that it really would have ever come up in casual conversation. Still, Tosh felt a bit sad that Owen had never told her about that chapter in his life.

Reaching out, she tentatively placed her hand on his arm, not sure how he would react.

"You can tell me about her, if you want," Tosh offered quietly, wanting to let him know that she would listen.

[kingoftheweevil]

He wanted to be savage with her, because that was how the old Owen (capital "O") would have reacted. He would have screamed and shouted, cursing at her until he made her cry, and yes, there was still that part of him that reasonably might have. That part considered it, fighting a bitter war with his sense of reason.

In the end, this wasn't a new Owen -- merely a tired one.

"Jack recruited me because of her." The soft, external monologue wasn't exactly intended for Tosh, but she was welcome to listen. "After I wouldn't give up when she -- when it killed her."

[geniustoshiko]

"Owen," Tosh murmured, wanting nothing more than wrap her arms around him and make the pain that she could see in his eyes just disappear.

Since she couldn't think of anything to say, she slipped her arms around his waist, leaning her head on Owen's shoulder.

[kingoftheweevil]

"I'm so tired of it." He breathed in her hair, hands coming around her waist from force of habit. Owen was hardly eloquent, but enough when it mattered. "I thought it was over -- the losing people thing. I thought it was over and that Torchwood was behind us. But now..." The rest of the sentence got lost in a ripple of dark hair and Owen closed his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Tosh."

[geniustoshiko]

"Shhhh," Tosh murmured, moving one hand up to run through Owen's hair, trying to comfort him.

But really, what could she say? You were always going to lose people- the fact that they were out of Torchwood should have meant that it happened less often, but somehow that didn't be the case.

"It's alright, Owen. We can figure this out. We can try." Tosh whispered.

[kingoftheweevil]

He held her a little closer, then, touching her back and the light texture of her hair. He loved the feel of it, airy in his hands like cobwebs but soft when he rubbed at it.

He couldn't hide the little smile, though, when Tosh was so earnest. Another kiss dropped against her hair, gentle as his words. "There you go again -- making me all soft and the like."