[House & Snape] Friends in Low Places

[pwnsgod]

Who: House and Snape
When: After Snape tells Harry to GTFO
What: DRINKING AND ANGST!
Where: Snape's Place

Comments

[reluctant_pawn]

"That's why he needs, Potter. But the idiot nearly let me take him away! Without a fight!"

"Why can't you be his family?"

"Because, he belongs with Potter and hopefully I scared the imbecile enough to realize it." Snape sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "And he hates me for it. Ungrateful brat."

"Why?"

"Because Teddy worships him. He'd be miserable with anyone else."

"He likes you."

"It's not the same. Potter is his family. He's lost enough without losing him too."

"Why can't you all, you know, be a family?"

"Because he. hates. me."

"Yeah, yeah."

"What makes you think I'd want to be saddled with Potter anyway?"

"Other than the pinning, the moping, the puppy eyes, the drinking, and the dates?"

"We've never been on a date," Snape muttered.

"You went to the park."

"I thought Teddy would enjoy getting out. He'd been ill for weeks."

"You were togehter."

"I'm sure he'd be shocked to hear you say that."

"The shock him and stop bitching."

"If I go anywhere near him, he'll no doubt try and kill me."

"Then I'll go near him."

Snape snorted. "Which will only make things infinitely worse."

"Nah, I'm great at this stuff."

"I'm not a teenager, House. I don't need you passing him notes in class."

"But it would be sooooo much fun."

"I just need to stay away from him. I'd no doubt bugger it up anyway."

"Pfff."

"You're sure we can't obliviate Wilson and the girl?"

"It might be easier just to fuck and then oblivate ourselves."

"Possibly. But you weren't that great the first time."

"Neither were you."

"So what do you suggest? You do recall that I said he hates me?"

"Make him, you know, not hate you. I suck at this. Don't ask me."

"Useless."

"Oh, I woudln't say that."

"Don't do anything stupid," Snape warned, his scowl returning. "I'm going to have to kill myself if I'm out of hangover potions."

"I never, ever, do anything stupid."

"You just drank an unknown liquid," Snape said dismissively. "Stupid."

"It wasn't unknown. It was firewhiskey."

"I lied."

"What the fuck did you give me?"

"Firewhiskey. But it could have been anything. Your daughter tried to poison me. It's only fair I attempt to poison you at some point."

"Oh, fuck off."

"Go home. Do whatever it is you domesticated family men do."

"And leave you here?"

"I'll be passing out soon. Or sleeping soon."