(no subject)

[icarus_like]

Who: Zak and Lee
Where: The hotel room
When: Wednesday nite. Before Lee and Moira's movie
What: Brother stuff. And Lee getting beat up. Normal.
Status: Imaginary PG-13 for imaginary F-word. Could be complete or could go on. UP TO DEXY. Ahem.



The construction business wasn't what Zak wanted to do. So, taking the advice of both Moira and Laura, he was putting in the time with books. Moira directed him to the library, and he saw that they were going to go to the bookstore later. He was a simple kid, really, happiest with friends and a couple of books to bury his nose in. And happiest too with his brother. One day, maybe, his brother would be happy with him. Eh. Bringing home dinner of take-out chinese, Zak entered the hotel room with bag of food and a bag of books. And a goofy little smile.

Lee looked up from his spot on the bed and lifted his eyebrows. He'd been sitting indian style, drawing in a sketch book he'd picked up the other day. It had some finger smudges on the back cover, and he looked like he'd need a shower before bed, in just a tanktop and knee-length shorts. "You brought home dinner." Thank the Gods.

"I did. I bring home the bacon and fry it in the pan." He grinned a little and set everything down on the room service table they kept. "We need a real apartment." He paused, "I need a real apartment." A glance over, and he made to snag up the sketchbook. "You're drawing again." That was good!

"We need a real apartment." Corrected, but then he made a small noise as his sketchbook was snatched away. "Hey." But Zak wouldn't be very pleased with what he saw.. at first. He was making the sketch of an FTL, and figuring out all the pieces, and where they needed to be, and what he could use to substitute.

Not pleased. But it was expected. "I forgot how well you drew." He looked over the FTL drawing and nodded a little, then began flipping through absently.

The previous two pages were the other parts of the engine of the Viper, and how the FTL could be attaches.. but then there was a random sketch, only half finished, of the Viper itself. It served no real purpose.. but he'd felt like drawing. And the page before that one, had a half-finished picture of what looked like the park, and an empty playground. It had stick-figure sketches of children, which he'd never fleshed out. "What did you get? It smells good."

"Chinese food! I was walking by from the library, and it smelled delicious. Then they gave me boxes with the food in it. And these." He produced chopsticks with a lift of his eyebrows. "To eat with."

"I'd love to see you try and eat with those." Since, well, he had no idea who would try to eat with two pieces of wood. "Give that back." He held out his hand for the book.

"When were you at a playground?" He didn't give it back yet, setting it instead atop his books. "Get the plates, would you?"

"You don't eat it out of the box?" He was standing then, to go into the kitchen and wash his hands, then he was grabbing the plates and setting them near the food. "Have you looked at apartments?"

"I don't know. We could." He handed him a box then and grinned boyishly. "I tried a piece of that one. It's good. Chicken. What's with the playground?" Asked again.

"Chicken?" He glanced at his brother, then was dishing out some of it onto a plate, and grabbing a plastic fork to try some, then he lifted his eyebrows. That was good. "Not bad."

Zak, now that Lee brought up the idea, was going to eat out of the box. He grabbed the noodles. And then the chopsticks. And stabbed at the noodles to try to eat with them. Took a few tries, but he did. By twirling the noodles around the stick. "Leland." Short whistle to get his attention. "Playground."

"I was sitting in the park. It was there." He glanced over at his brother. It was more than that, of course.. but Lee wasn't interested into going into it any further.

He gave his brother a glance. "Look. I know you're still fraking weirded out by my being here. But I'm here. And you've changed, I know, but you need to deal with it and be my brother again." Where the hell did that come from? Well. Laura helped with her pie.

That startled him and he looked up at Zak once again and stared a moment, before shaking his head. "I never stopped being your brother, Zak."

He looked down at the noodles, and passed them over. "Try these." But then, rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "I know. But you.." He paused, and shrugged.

"But I what?" He was reaching out to push his fork in and try some of the noodles, and shrugged some.

"You don't talk anymore. Sometimes you do, but you remember something or something clicks and you clam up." He had to get a fork to eat the pork that he got, munching on a snow pea.

"A lot of things happened, Zak." But then again, he knew that. And while Kara and their father had been able to talk about it a few times, Lee hadn't had anyone to talk to. No one he wanted to talk to. And by the time Kara had tried to bring it up, he'd already decided he was fine, and never wanted to talk about it again.

"If I hear that one more time from any of you, I'm socking whoever said it." Maybe not, but it was ridiculous. "I know. But you've been taking it all the hardest, it seems." He fell into one of the chairs easily, content with the pork.

"Just because I don't feel like talking about my feelings with the old man, or the woman who.." He took a slow breath. "Just because I don't feel like talking about my feelings with anyone doesn't mean that I'm taking it the hardest."

"The woman who.." He prompted, lifting his eyebrows again. "And it means that you're the one bottling it up the most."

"Why does everyone want to fix me? I'm not broken." He looked back over at Zak again. "Just different."

"Frak off." But he didn't mean it too angrily, "I know how you are, Lee. You've always been this way. But there's a point where even you break." He pointed with his fork. Zak had never minded that his brother was the quieter, because he knew that Lee would come around when he needed to. But it was different now, as everyone pointed out to him, and Lee might always be his brother, Zak would also like his friend back.

"I didn't break, Zak. I'm not fragile." He fancied himself a rock. He couldn't be broken.

The kid knew better though. "You're still incredibly stubborn. More than ever." He motioned for Lee to eat again and sat back, watching his brother thoughtfully.

That made Lee roll his eyes. But he was eating again, leaning against the counter as he did. "Don't stare at me while I'm eating, it's rude." It was half serious, and half a tease.

He stared more obviously, and then made a face before grinning. Then grabbed some more noodles. "Moira's birthday is soon. I have to get her something still."

"Is it?" He lifted his eyebrows and looked back at his brother. "What are you going to get her?" He'd spent an evening with her.. and hadn't spent another one for a little bit, because he'd liked her company. Well. He'd liked her company a bit more than he should have.

"She really likes reading." He grinned boyishly. Part of the reason he liked her. "Did you want to come to the birthday dinner? Since you two have met. I could ask Lulu."

"I'm not sure." Admitted. "I don't know her that well."

"It's up to you. I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

"We should probably ask her, instead of her friend." Unless it was some sort of surprise dinner.

"Can't. It's a surprise. I'm taking her out during the day and bringing her back around the time Lulu is done." He rocked on the two back legs of his chair.

"Are you? You seem to be getting along very well with her.. she's a very nice woman."

"She is. She's.." He trailed off and smiled, looking down briefly. Then looked back up at his older brother in mild nervousness. "I'm not.." Zak trailed off again. "You think I'm moving too fast?" Too fast. It had been two, nearly three years. But for him, it was still only months.

That made him lift his eyebrows. "No. I don't. I think you're doing a good thing. She's very pretty, and she's very nice. I think she'd be good for you."

"You're just saying that because you'd have no chance against me with Kara." He grinned, joking.

"I have no chance with Kara anyway." Reminded in a softer tone. "I think Moira is wonderful, Zak. I'm glad you're spending time with her."

The grin faded a little as he was reminded of that. "I still think it's bullshit." Just so he knew. Then looked down sheepishly again, "Thanks."

So what are you going to get her for her birthday?" He turned to lean his back against the counter and took another bite.

He grinned sheepishly and lifted his eyebrows. "It's silly."

"As long as it's not a thong and a teddy, I'm sure it's just fine."

Zak turned bright red at that. "Leland." He grunted and rolled his eyes. "I'm getting her a helmet and knee and wrist guards."

"For roller blades? Skateboard?" He lifted his eyebrows in return.

"Flying." Replied.

"..In a plane?"

Zak grinned and slowly shook his head. "She's going to try to fly. By herself."

"..You're kidding, right? You can't just fly with nothing."

"She can levitate things, and we were talking about it. She thinks she can."

"..That's very odd, Zakariah." Just so his brother knew. But he was finishing off his food and tossing the plate into the garbage.

"They think our space travel is odd." He pointed out. And then grinned again, like the kid brother telling big brother what was going on. "I met a person who was purple. Like her skin and her hair. And another one who was green."

"I think that's just a little too strange for me."

"They're both really nice. The girl, Clarice, is really sweet and softspoken. The green man, Lorne, is very..flamboyant. He hit on us, I think."

Have you asked Moira on a date yet?" A sudden change of conversation. Sorry, Zak. Lee had a way of doing that.

More so than he used to. He stared for a minute, then shook his head. "Not yet. Not an official one. Though I guess we've been on a few?"

"Ask her out. Let her know you're interested, or you're going to lose her to me." That came with a little smile.

Poor Zak didn't believe it. Lightning didn't strike twice in the same place, after all. Besides, "You're married." Snorted.

"I am." He agreed, and looked down at his wedding ring. He had been joking. Mostly. He wasn't going to steal Moira.. and he seriously doubted that Moira would even take a second look at him.

He knew Lee was joking anyway. "What's she like? What was your first fiance like?"

"My only fiancee, really." He hadn't yet told Zak that he and Dee were only engaged for about three days, before marrying. To spite Kara. "She was.. nice. Sweet."

"Only fiance?" He lifted his eyebrows.

My wife.. I asked her to marry me, and we married three days later."

"That quick." Zak wasn't stupid. And if Lee proclaimed his love to Kara, but married this other girl afterward. "Kara ran." As fast and as far as she could, probably.

He let out a slow breath. "We were together one night, and when I woke up in the morning, she was married." Ran? Sprinted was more like it.

He winced. Poor Lee. Then he looked at his brother curiously. "Are you in love with your wife?"

"I love my wife." Was he in love with her? No.

"Not what I asked, Leland."

"It's my answer, Zakariah. I love my wife."

He stared for another minute, then nodded and started closing up the boxes of food, falling quiet as he put things away.

"Maybe we should separate." Spoken only after a few moments.

Clarify that, Lee? Zak turned around and simply lifted his eyebrows. Honestly, he wasn't sure if the blue-eyed Adama meant the brothers, or him and his wife. Or both.

"Maybe you should get an apartment, and I should stay here." The brothers, Zak. He wouldn't divorce without a good reason.

"Oh." Zak never could keep things in as well as Lee could. Especially when it came to Lee. He looked down, obviously hurt, and returned to cleaning up.

"You're angry with me more than you're pleased to have me around. I just think we'd get on better if we didn't see one another all the time." That way Zak wouldn't have to deal with the prick that his brother had become.

"You're projecting." He spoke quietly, rearranging the cartons. "I feel like the white elephant in the room, Lee. Everyone knows I'm there, and it's odd, but no one says a word." He had spoken with Laura about it. And it was time to tell the ones who were doing it. "I don't even know why you're angry with me."

"I'm not angry with you, Zak."

"Then what is it?"

"You liked the boy I was. And you're disappointed in the man I've become."

"That's bullshit." He glared at his brother. And he'd tell you why too. "Because you haven't given me a chance to get to know the man you've become."

"This is the man I've become." More softly.

"You're as bad as Kara." Equally quiet. He rubbed the back of his neck, nervous tic and gesture that they both used to have, but he noticed Lee didn't do as much..if at all..anymore. Then he just fell silent.

He'd stopped. It was a weakness he'd wiped out. "I'm not like her."

"Yes you are. You both run." Sprinted.

"I'm not running from anything."

Small snort escaped, but he didn't reply. Instead, he finished with cleaning up and moved back toward the beds. Zak fell against his and just stared up at the ceiling.

"I'm not running, Zak." Insisted again. "Why don't you trust me anymore?"

He sat up and stared, "I don't know." Honestly said. "It's different. And I don't know how to fix it." He used to be able to.

"I'm not broken. I don't need help. I don't need to be fixed. This is who I am."

"I'm not trying to fraking fix you, Leland. I'm trying to be your damn friend! But fine. We'll forget that because you're perfect the way you are. So gods damn perfect, just like always."

"I'm not perfect." He tensed his jaw some, and was moving towards the bed. But even as he said it, he knew it was true. He'd been the perfect child, growing up. The perfect son. He'd done what he was told, without asking questions. Obediant. Like a dog.

"You're fraking perfect and you know it. You strove, still strive, to be perfect! What the frak was with the tense-up with the old man when he came in here? Gods, Lee. Can't even unclench when you're stranded on some gods forsaken unknown world!" Lee was perfect. Zak tried. And usually failed miserably.

"I'm not perfect, Zak. If I was perfect, I wouldn't be in love with my brother's girl. And I wouldn't have married another woman, just to get back at her."

"But you put that out there. So frak that, right? Frak talking about it, or anything. Because you have to be perfect." So maybe Zak was egging him on. A little.

He shook his head some, but was clearly displeased. "I'm not going to do this with you, Zak. I'm not perfect. And there's nothing wrong with trying to impress your parents." And failing, when it came to their father, who had always likes Zak more, even though Lee did everything he could to be the best, the old man still seemed, to Lee, to like his youngest son more.

That was funny, because Zak thought it was the other way around. You know, being the fuck-up and all. And if the old man liked Zak more, why hadn't he been at the graduation? "You always impressed them. You impressed everybody you've ever come into contact with!"

"Impressing someone and having them like you are two different things." Lee was impressive, but Zak charmed everyone he met.

“It could be both if you'd stop being such a dick."

Now that made the elder Adama stare at his brother a long moment, then he turned to grab his jacket off the chair. "Thanks for dinner, Zak."

Frak. "Lee.." He stood up, going after the older one.

"I'm a dick, Zak. That's what happens when people grow up. They change."

He tightened his jaw, so tired of hearing about growing up. And how he didn't understand. And how things changed. He knew, alright? He knew, but then he didn't know. And no one was giving him a chance. "Yeah, right. Sorry I didn't get to grow up." Having -died- and all.

"This isn't about you, Zak. It has nothing to do with you."

"You've made that abundantly clear this last week or so, Lee. I tried." To include himself.

"Don't do this." Firmly, from the elder brother.

"Do what?"

"Don't make this all about you. Poor Zak, he died." Lee shook his head some. "The rest of us had to live with it. You wake up here and it's like nothing ever happened. The rest of us had to bury you. And I grew up while you were gone. I fell in love. Twice. I made a baby. I bought a house. I got promoted. I got my own Battlestar. I got shot, in the chest, by the woman I love. The old man got shot, almost died. We've been running for our lives-- for the human race-- And here we are." He opened out his arms some. "And you want me to be the boy I was when you left me. And I'm sorry, Zak, but he's dead, too."

He fell silent. Too silent. And reared back and socked Lee in the jaw. Hard. "I didn't know! You think I wanted to leave you there like that! That this is so fraking easy, acting like nothing ever happened? I don't know how else to act because none of you will tell me a damn thing!" He didn't care that he just punched Lee, he grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. "Do you think it's so fraking easy to know that you have all been through more than I'll ever know and I can't even begin to help?" He let go, shoving him, and turned away. "I hate that I left you. I hate that I failed. Again." Maybe it was poor Zak. But only because his hands were tied and he couldn't do a thing about it. "I want you to grow up, Lee. I just..always thought I'd be included."

"I'm glad you weren't there, Zak. I'm glad you didn't have to go through what we're going through. I'm glad you didn't see me grow up." Because he didn't particularly like what he'd grown into.

What a horrible thing to say! "If I didn't know you, I'd punch you again." He sort of knew what Lee meant though.

"You hit me again, Zak, and I'm going to hit you back." He'd gotten a free one, since his brother loved him so dearly.

"If you're conscious."

"You hit like a little girl."

"You're just saying that until you excuse yourself to the bathroom to weep."

He lifted a hand to rub at his jaw, finally. "I should teach you to throw a punch. Obviously, Starbuck never did."

"I didn't want to break your face. Then I'd be Zak, that Ugly Guy's brother."

He smirked and shook his head. "You should think about what I said, about us separating."

"You should think about what I said. Be my friend, Lee." They'd get along better that way, he thought.

"I am your friend, Zak." More quietly assured.

"Then act like one sometimes." Reminded quietly as well. "And I will too." He eyed Lee then and lifted his eyebrows. "Going to admit whether you need a cold cloth or what?"

"I'm fine. I've been hit a lot." Promised with a little smirk. "I'm trying to, Zak." Act like a friend.

"That does not surprise me." He snorted a little, and then smirked in return, "I know."

He rolled his eyes some. "So I'm going to ask Moira out to dinner and a movie tonight." Hah!

"You should have friends. Don't go falling for her." Double hah.

"Being in love with Kara Thrace is enough for any man."

"It's true." He grinned a bit, nodding knowingly.

"..So, what, are you over her now? Moving on to brunettes now?"

"I'm not over her, Lee." It was part of the reason he hadn't asked Moira on an official date. "But she's over me." Obviously. And logically so.

"Me too." He let out a slow breath.

Not logically so. Zak stared silently for a minute, "I'm sorry."

"She knows what she wants, and she goes after it. I've always known that about her. I went into this knowing that."

Zak lifted his eyebrows a little, but didn't say anything.