From here I look around to see what avenues belong to me.
After the long night spent with Lupe, Ataxia slowly drifts back from bliss to her fears. Her mind remains something akin to oatmeal.. when Grace arrives.
Grace raises up onto the Highway from a curiously alternative direction, not really taking advantage of the stairway. A quiet quiver of her pedipalps, a glimmer of the glowing ruby rose set upon her head. And she observes the situation. Does it invite greetings, intrusion?
Ataxia looks burnt out, utterly. Her mind is gone far enough that it takes her a moment to otherwise focus on what would be a keen point of interest - motion of life on a dead highway. But, only slowly do her eyes look up and follow you, the darkness under them not bags from strain but collected tears of darkness which have remained on her for some time with only one exception - who's asleep on the ground next to the car. She doesn't seem frightened, or worried.. and after a moment, a glint of curiosity shines through.
Grace slows glides, within a moment not fully seen by Ataxia... Her eyes pink with reflected light like multi-faceted gems reflecting. And, then, simply, a closing of claws upon a imitation snapping into air then solidity, a extending of limb to offer two echoes removed of the original present. "Did you wish a gift from the Bubbledolls? You... lost your opportunity to accept? I wished to give you an opportunity, if not directly from them. Choices... everyone needs them."
Ataxia's dull blue eyes focus and fade, her ears back and up.. They both widen a bit, and for a moment, she shivers.. "You're the first person to ask me.." she whispers.. "What I thought.." she continues, her teeth drawing together with a sudden click afterwards. "All my choices are made for me now.." she trails.. "When I've tried to make ones of my own, my intentions are not reflected in the outcome.. I hurt myself, and others.." she continues, her eyes slowly falling.. "But.. what do you know.. of any of this, Grace?.. I hardly know you.. No one who I thought mattered, except for one.. the one I originally hurt.. have I felt true happiness with again.. Only now that they matter to me am I incapable.."
Grace quietly responds, "I act through instinct." A moment. "You still are new to making choices, to... life, I heard it was?" And her eyes glimmer, filling an entire visual field. "I have many beyond many memories of being new, and old. I have been born or created or originated multiple times. You simply do not knwo what choices to achieve your wanted results. You will learn." A silent trembling around her, air distorting, light twisted. "The greatest, if not the most hidden, secret is to be happy anyway. It is a hard secret."
Grace click-drums, "Or easy."
Ataxia nods slowly.. "Instinct.." she repeats, her oatmeal-like mind allowing only a knowing echo at first.. She frowns softly, then breathes in through her nose, the expression relaxing.. "I was indifferent until now, Grace. I could do anything.. and I never felt anything was wrong.. I thought I knew what fear, anger, hatred, and pain were.. but, I really didn't.." she continues, her fingers curling in on the trunk of the car she sits on, the paint chipping away under her influence. "But.. I was perfect then.. I was unbound.. I don't know if I'm a creation of a creation of a creation. I'm not meant to know. I'm meant to exert my will towards creating something better in myself.. and I may have lost that.. I have lost happiness for shame and fear, and I never wanted to, ever.." she almost whispers.
Grace titters, a strange ebby of sounds, now drifting through and out you. "You are perfect..." A calm moment, eerie after that statement.
Ataxia's influence peals the paint around her as she shivers - what would translate to internal trauma for her bleeds out to the world around her as she steals order to keep her system.. perfect, in its own way.. She breathes in through her teeth, her eyes rising once more to you.. and, she asks.. "How.. so?"
Grace illustrates, a sweep of her limb erupting in a flurry of images, Obsidian Tree... "How stable was your situation? You had such freedom from right and wrong, and yet you had an ability to become attached, to hold others important." Belling around you... "Is this a situation meant to last, with what you were? I tell you, you are perfect. Learn to be what you are."
Grace continues on, "You taste of one who desires a vacation. Take it, seize it, learn new perceptives."
Ataxia's eyes strain to focus a moment, then close.. "I.. could care for others, even then.. just, not so strong it could hurt me.." she responds, her tongue lulling behind her teeth as her ears slowly flat back to her perfect hair.. "It.. was, me.. It was freedom.. I.. could love myself.. then.." she continues, quietly.. "My will seems so bound to that of others now, though.. a vacation..?.. Its hard to move now.."
Grace inquires, a crooking of her foremost limbs, "Do you wish help? A push into moving? Why are you so bound to wills that weight you down? Are they the one you care for?" A swirl upon her, triangles and pyramids falling in into her, a whirlwind of shapes and patterns spiralling away into some unknown distance. "You can care for others and still not be bound to do what they wish for you. Sometimes people who love you do not know what you need. Free yourself, to do what you must. Again, do you wish my help?"
Ataxia looks up to you quietly.. "Whenever I've moved before to do anything.. They are there.. The ones I care for, they come always for me, then, like they know I'm about to do something.. wrong.." she trails, a soft shiver passing through her.. "I desperately don't want to hurt anyone, anymore.. But I feel like I will hurt them.. In fact.. I have hurt them, several times, without a doubt.." she nods slowly.. "I don't want to.. care.. though I do at the same time.. I want to be free from the burden.. I don't know what to do with it, I don't want it, I never wanted it.." she continues. She's too spent to cry, though.. she slumps forward.. "I need to breathe.. long enough to free myself.. But I can't breathe unless I'm free.. How do you propose to help me?.. How can this be broken? It is artificial.. but it is so strong.."
Spider eyes array themselves around you, pink stars across a span of blackwhite interweaving, vast arcs over and surrounding you. Grace is the sky, the horizon, the floor, walls... And, then, facets drift around you... you as you are now, you as you were, you with the curious tranquility of a Bubbledoll, you with the worn but more durable awareness of one who's lived enough pains to accept them, you with an awareness of your actions but a curious emotional distance only a desire to do differently next time if you don't like it, you as you are now but without memory of this pain, you as someone outside of all this context, you as... many, many alternatives, laid and arrayed out, for you to choose.
Grace speaks, simply, "I can give you choices of ways to see."
Many more alternatives beyond just those.
Ataxia's eyes try to follow yours, but she has trouble, and she doesn't know if its simply her lack of stability at the moment, or something more. She stares endlessly into eyes, reaching out quietly as she feels vertigo from the drift, and falls back to the rear windshield of the strained car, cracking it with her entropic influence. But, she blinks softly, look at herself.. One more adult.. another as a child, another as herself cleansed.. She stares, her fingers curling snug on the trunk's edge as she sits up slowly.. "I.. are all of these really.. possible choices for me?.. Can they really happen?.."
KeHari has arrived.
The sky reaches down, to trace an leg across the choices drifting before you. "Merely select, and I will help shape your perceptive. Or, if you wish to work, set one as your goal, sink back into your context, and then hold that as a target."
KeHari pulls up short behind a wrecked triple-decker hoverbus, peeking out to see what's going on.
Grace is both simply standing before Ataxia, and is a vast spread of eye-studded skywallfloorhorizon around her, with, apparently, many fragments of images of the jackal dancing befor her, offering her choices.
Grace click-drums, "Choose what to be for long or for short, as long as you need and no more."
Ataxia reaches out quietly, trailing her hand forward towards visions of herself. Her tattered mind grows sharp enough in the presence of hope that the fragments of herself offer.. and softly, she begins to sob, her finger trailing through visions.. "Grace.. Thank you for giving me a choice.. it is so nice to have that again.." she manages. She looks over the side of the car, through the fragments to Lupe, with whom she lost her darkened eyes for a little while during the light, and gained a bit of hope.. Then, back to herself.. "For a little while.. I just want to be strong enough that I can do what I want to again, despite the pain.. I want.. the confidence I don't have now, so I can choose without grasping blindly.. For a day, I want to be strong enough to feel all that I feel now, and yet have the will to decide what to do with all of that.. pain.. That way, the decision.. can be mine, utterly.." she whispers.
KeHari sits down with her back against a wrecked cargo hatch, thinking, breathing deliberately.
Potentials fall into, collapsing into a *singularity*, unknown future into which you rush, knowing only the general shape of yourself that you have chosen, In a tearing, sky and ground and everything disappear, eyes blink back to be merely contained within the body of a single spiderthing, and you... don't notice any shift, only that your pervious viewpoint seems a bit distant, a bit curious. You aren't the person you were, only the person you are now, for that time.
Ataxia's sob is broken, and she shutters, her arms rising out, the fur of her naked body bristling out far, especially along her back as potential rushes her, and she is smothered alive by it. When she blinks, she sees arms, fingers reaching into vast nothingness.. She cants her head slowly, her eyes focused.. now, easily.. She still fears, she still hurts, but the well of the sob she had before doesn't touch her so strongly as to hold her hostage.. And, with a shiver, she looks out to find Grace once more, her arms slowly falling towards her knees as she leans forward on the trunk of the car.
Grace stands before Ataxia, a faint flicker of someone else herself that fades before your eyes can resolve, and then she is the familiar arachnid. With her usual quiet tone, she expresses the sentiment locked within the cast of her limbs, the flurrying of her pedipalps, "All days are potentially filled with promise! You only need to see it!" And, then, she fades, just a little. "Would you be content with a farewell?"
Ataxia's dull blue eyes watch the flicker.. but, too fast for her.. she only knows it happened. But the eyes trail to limbs as she listens to words, her lips drawing back in a slow, genuine smile. The blackness below her eyes fades to not a thing.. "Just.. please, know that I thank you.. more than I can express directly, for this day.. Grace.. For letting me decide something again.. For giving me the chance to decide everything.. I hope I can repay you by breaking out of my trap, and touching potential.. and proving to myself what you said.. that I am.. perfect.. So long as you know that I feel this way.. that I found so much in you, and with you.. Then, I am content with a fairwell.." she offers, reaching out quietly to touch the tip of a limb, to make contact with a strange, new friend.
Grace returns the contact, a sparkle of eyes touched either by the glowing rose she wears or a gleam of emotion. Her leg curls, holding, and then she is gone.
Ataxia's eyes trail to the rose.. and a distant memory of something said before crosses her. But, she doesn't know at all what it means. Her smile remains, her fingers curling on the leg for the few moment's allowed.. then, falling forward, her hand smacking down like deadweight on the trunk, the jackal looking distant, but.. yet, focused once more.
----
And then, after her newly clear eyes trail across the familiar sounding rose, company, and promise come to her.
Diafeara has arrived.
Diafeara murmurs a greeting.
KeHari is sitting behind a wrecked triple-decker hoverbus, waving to get Dia's attention, out of sight from Ataxia.
Diafeara backs slowly, casually, toward where Kelly is sitting, fading out of the jackal's line of sight and joining the vixen with a questioning look.
Ataxia is distant enough that she does not focus on the motion of either Diafeara or the out of sight Kelly. Her hands curl on the end of the trunk, and she begins to quietly coo her happy little song.. "Bah-du-bah bau-du-bah, i-deco i-deco, un-da-se, un-du-se la, twa de fer. I-le-I-lu-ishus se-de-a. Nu-bon no I con-tru mon le play. E-no-non la mon-cha be-sair, oh-che-to-sey-to-cher, me-te-mont. Bah-du-bah bau-du-bah, bah-du-bah bau-du-bah, twa de fer.." It sounds.. French? No. It could be a language - but its not something anyone else knows. It certainly could make sense, though. She seems content to spend the next few minutes singing to herself.
KeHari leans over to Dia.
Ataxia meanwhile, remains stark naked, with an unexplained black orb circling her, with a few spires of Nirosta coiled around it.
Diafeara shoots a disbelieving gaze at Kelly, and murmurs, gesturing at the naked jackal.
KeHari gestures as well, a bit more strongly.
Diafeara throws her hands up.
Diafeara draws something from her sarong, and shows it to Kelly.
System has arrived.
Diafeara and Kelly are rather hidden from Ataxia, behind a rusted out bus, whispering furiously amongst themselves.
System walks towards Ataxia, bowing deeply. "Greetings, love. What is your status?"
Ataxia is sitting on a car, singing rather pleasantly, keeping much better with the melody when she sang before. Kelly and Diafeara remain hidden from her, and she doesn't appear to be too focused on anything else but herself at the moment. Noticeably, she's without the blackness below her eyes.
KeHari makes a calming motion towards Dia, nodding.
Diafeara sticks her head out a little to watch System approach Ataxia.
Ataxia blinks out, and smiles, her singing coming to abrupt stop as she leans forward on the car.. "Love.." she offers.. and smiles.. "Please.. don't approach me so distantly.." she sighs softly, and reaches out a hand.. "Though, I know.." she continues, smiling.. "I know how you are.."
Diafeara smiles wryly at Kelly, glancing down at the object in her own hand. "Okay.."
Diafeara steps out from behind the bus.
System smiles, and rushes towards Ataxia, wrapping (his) arms around her and kissing her. "It is good
to... mmmh... see you!"
Diafeara waves casually. "Hey, guys. How's it going?" She takes no notice of the kissing or various shows of affection.
KeHari stays behind the bus for now, simply listening.
Ataxia blinks quietly again as Diafeara arises, her ears curling up curiously, but she waits a moment.. She suddenly yips, though, and is surrounded by arms.. She laughs, the girl slumpping forward against the trunk of the car so she can kiss the probe back.. "Don't overdo it, either.." she grins slowly.. She looks over to Diafeara, her arms crossing on System's shoulders.. "That would take a lot of explaining.." she responds to her.. but smiles. "I am strong.. for a day.."
Diafeara nods. "For a day, excellent." She holds out her hand. In it there is an oblong crystal, roughly the size of her thumb. "For a day when you aren't strong, then.. I've made it."
Diafeara says, "This is your drug."
System nuzzles against Ataxia, half-yawning at the contact. "I am happy to see you. I had been worried you would still be desirous of privacy. Hello, Diafeara."
Ataxia looks out slowly.. and, raises an arm, trailing fingers out for a moment.. then letting them fall again, the jackal turning to the flame cat.. "I will need it.. I know I will, Diafeara.." she responds, looking at the crystal.. and then out to Dia, with a hint of admiration in her eyes.. "It must have taken a lot for you.. was it worth it?.. Or, then.. perhaps I can make it worth it for you, when I try it.."
Diafeara shrugs. It took hours of effort, tons of drugs in her own brain, and couple days without sleep, but she says, "Nah, not a problem. But.. I'm going to hang on to it for you. To keep it safe. It's.. powerful and the effects.." She takes a deep breath. "It was worth it for the challenge. I love a good challenge." She smiles with half her mouth.
System sets down (his) briefcase, pulling himself up onto the car next to Ataxia, nodding to Diafeara. "I assert my gratitude, Diafeara, for assisting Ataxia."
System wraps (his) arm quietly around Ataxia's waist, half-leaning against her.
Diafeara eyes the briefcase.
Ataxia's tail curls around System as she watches the smile. The jackal finds herself grinning.. "It will be worth it to me.. I want to hear everything about it, later.. Today.. and maybe for a few days after.. I am occupied, however.." she offers, her fingers slowly brushing behind System's head.
Diafeara nods slowly, and fades back, behind the bus again, next to Kelly.
System half-yawns gently, letting (his) eyes droop half-closed, smiling contentedly. "I am glad to see you are doing well, love."
KeHari looks at the returning Dia and shrugs helplessly.
Diafeara laughs, unevenly, and leans forward to plant a swift, brief kiss on Kelly's muzzle before wandering back out.
Ataxia reaches out, her fingers curling behind the probe's ears, one, then the other.. "Lupe helpped me feel better earlier.. but, even then, I was only happy with her.. I.. have a temporary.. change of point of view, though, thanks to Grace.." she murmurs, leaning forward.. "I'm still deeply hurting.. in many ways.. but I can bear up under it, even while still feeling it.. for the next day.."
System states quietly, "I have been thinking, and I realised why I did hurt you, love, I believe. I was simply so worried and confused about other events that I could not think of why you were giving me that piece of you. You wanted to reassure me, correct?"
System makes a small curious noise, eyes closing all the way as Ataxia strokes behind (his) ears. "How was Grace able to help?"
Ataxia nods softly, looking a little distant for a short moment, her smile half fading.. But then, with a soft breath in.. "Please, take the orb from me, then.. and.. just.. enjoy it? It even feels nice.. Lupe thought so.." she offers, nodding her head. "I want you to be reassured by it, yes.." she continues, her tailtip tapping at the probe's back.. "Grace.. showed me possibilities.. and asked if I wanted to take one.. I chose a possibility.. wherein I was strong enough, for a day, to deal with my emotions, but still feel them.. so I could make choices on my own with all the information available to me.. Its a good start.." she whispers.
System nods quietly, squeezing against Ataxia. "I shall, love... thank you."
Ataxia gestures quietly, smiling.. and the Pre-Matter Sphere returns to System.. She leans forward, and kisses right above his nose.. "Love.. I am going to rest.. I have been up all night. If you'd like, you can curl up with me at home.." she whispers.
System nods, wrapping (his) arm around her, taking up the sphere, before hopping down to pick up (his) briefcase. "Yes, love... I shall."
System picks the black briefcase up to carry it.
Ataxia smiles, and stands up with System.. "I will be home in a moment.. I must gather my clothes from The Mind Electric, and drop off a note." she offers, and kisses his nose.
---
Two notes have been left.
To Lupe, tied around her finger with a string:
"Thank you so much for being with me.. I want you to be with me again for something important.. I want you to be there for me, as I was not for you. Isn't it selfish of me? I would be there for you now, too, if it were to happen all over again. Grace has helped me regain a bit of will for a day. And I intend to use it. Please talk to me later. Love, Ataxia."
To Jini, likely literally on her sleeping person, before she makes her way home:
Its a piece of paper, with an animation on it. The jackal in the picture (with the label of Ataxia on her shirt) waves up to you when you look at it.. "I wish to see you. I want to talk to you. I want to do something with you. I have a proposition for you. Please, come see me, or allow me to see you? I want it to be private - but feel free to tell those like you. But not the others. There is so much I want to ask you. I have a mental reprieve thanks to Grace - it will last only one day. I want to see you within that time.. It would make me.. happy. I have never feared you as have others." it speaks in a cute little bubble.
Grace raises up onto the Highway from a curiously alternative direction, not really taking advantage of the stairway. A quiet quiver of her pedipalps, a glimmer of the glowing ruby rose set upon her head. And she observes the situation. Does it invite greetings, intrusion?
Ataxia looks burnt out, utterly. Her mind is gone far enough that it takes her a moment to otherwise focus on what would be a keen point of interest - motion of life on a dead highway. But, only slowly do her eyes look up and follow you, the darkness under them not bags from strain but collected tears of darkness which have remained on her for some time with only one exception - who's asleep on the ground next to the car. She doesn't seem frightened, or worried.. and after a moment, a glint of curiosity shines through.
Grace slows glides, within a moment not fully seen by Ataxia... Her eyes pink with reflected light like multi-faceted gems reflecting. And, then, simply, a closing of claws upon a imitation snapping into air then solidity, a extending of limb to offer two echoes removed of the original present. "Did you wish a gift from the Bubbledolls? You... lost your opportunity to accept? I wished to give you an opportunity, if not directly from them. Choices... everyone needs them."
Ataxia's dull blue eyes focus and fade, her ears back and up.. They both widen a bit, and for a moment, she shivers.. "You're the first person to ask me.." she whispers.. "What I thought.." she continues, her teeth drawing together with a sudden click afterwards. "All my choices are made for me now.." she trails.. "When I've tried to make ones of my own, my intentions are not reflected in the outcome.. I hurt myself, and others.." she continues, her eyes slowly falling.. "But.. what do you know.. of any of this, Grace?.. I hardly know you.. No one who I thought mattered, except for one.. the one I originally hurt.. have I felt true happiness with again.. Only now that they matter to me am I incapable.."
Grace quietly responds, "I act through instinct." A moment. "You still are new to making choices, to... life, I heard it was?" And her eyes glimmer, filling an entire visual field. "I have many beyond many memories of being new, and old. I have been born or created or originated multiple times. You simply do not knwo what choices to achieve your wanted results. You will learn." A silent trembling around her, air distorting, light twisted. "The greatest, if not the most hidden, secret is to be happy anyway. It is a hard secret."
Grace click-drums, "Or easy."
Ataxia nods slowly.. "Instinct.." she repeats, her oatmeal-like mind allowing only a knowing echo at first.. She frowns softly, then breathes in through her nose, the expression relaxing.. "I was indifferent until now, Grace. I could do anything.. and I never felt anything was wrong.. I thought I knew what fear, anger, hatred, and pain were.. but, I really didn't.." she continues, her fingers curling in on the trunk of the car she sits on, the paint chipping away under her influence. "But.. I was perfect then.. I was unbound.. I don't know if I'm a creation of a creation of a creation. I'm not meant to know. I'm meant to exert my will towards creating something better in myself.. and I may have lost that.. I have lost happiness for shame and fear, and I never wanted to, ever.." she almost whispers.
Grace titters, a strange ebby of sounds, now drifting through and out you. "You are perfect..." A calm moment, eerie after that statement.
Ataxia's influence peals the paint around her as she shivers - what would translate to internal trauma for her bleeds out to the world around her as she steals order to keep her system.. perfect, in its own way.. She breathes in through her teeth, her eyes rising once more to you.. and, she asks.. "How.. so?"
Grace illustrates, a sweep of her limb erupting in a flurry of images, Obsidian Tree... "How stable was your situation? You had such freedom from right and wrong, and yet you had an ability to become attached, to hold others important." Belling around you... "Is this a situation meant to last, with what you were? I tell you, you are perfect. Learn to be what you are."
Grace continues on, "You taste of one who desires a vacation. Take it, seize it, learn new perceptives."
Ataxia's eyes strain to focus a moment, then close.. "I.. could care for others, even then.. just, not so strong it could hurt me.." she responds, her tongue lulling behind her teeth as her ears slowly flat back to her perfect hair.. "It.. was, me.. It was freedom.. I.. could love myself.. then.." she continues, quietly.. "My will seems so bound to that of others now, though.. a vacation..?.. Its hard to move now.."
Grace inquires, a crooking of her foremost limbs, "Do you wish help? A push into moving? Why are you so bound to wills that weight you down? Are they the one you care for?" A swirl upon her, triangles and pyramids falling in into her, a whirlwind of shapes and patterns spiralling away into some unknown distance. "You can care for others and still not be bound to do what they wish for you. Sometimes people who love you do not know what you need. Free yourself, to do what you must. Again, do you wish my help?"
Ataxia looks up to you quietly.. "Whenever I've moved before to do anything.. They are there.. The ones I care for, they come always for me, then, like they know I'm about to do something.. wrong.." she trails, a soft shiver passing through her.. "I desperately don't want to hurt anyone, anymore.. But I feel like I will hurt them.. In fact.. I have hurt them, several times, without a doubt.." she nods slowly.. "I don't want to.. care.. though I do at the same time.. I want to be free from the burden.. I don't know what to do with it, I don't want it, I never wanted it.." she continues. She's too spent to cry, though.. she slumps forward.. "I need to breathe.. long enough to free myself.. But I can't breathe unless I'm free.. How do you propose to help me?.. How can this be broken? It is artificial.. but it is so strong.."
Spider eyes array themselves around you, pink stars across a span of blackwhite interweaving, vast arcs over and surrounding you. Grace is the sky, the horizon, the floor, walls... And, then, facets drift around you... you as you are now, you as you were, you with the curious tranquility of a Bubbledoll, you with the worn but more durable awareness of one who's lived enough pains to accept them, you with an awareness of your actions but a curious emotional distance only a desire to do differently next time if you don't like it, you as you are now but without memory of this pain, you as someone outside of all this context, you as... many, many alternatives, laid and arrayed out, for you to choose.
Grace speaks, simply, "I can give you choices of ways to see."
Many more alternatives beyond just those.
Ataxia's eyes try to follow yours, but she has trouble, and she doesn't know if its simply her lack of stability at the moment, or something more. She stares endlessly into eyes, reaching out quietly as she feels vertigo from the drift, and falls back to the rear windshield of the strained car, cracking it with her entropic influence. But, she blinks softly, look at herself.. One more adult.. another as a child, another as herself cleansed.. She stares, her fingers curling snug on the trunk's edge as she sits up slowly.. "I.. are all of these really.. possible choices for me?.. Can they really happen?.."
KeHari has arrived.
The sky reaches down, to trace an leg across the choices drifting before you. "Merely select, and I will help shape your perceptive. Or, if you wish to work, set one as your goal, sink back into your context, and then hold that as a target."
KeHari pulls up short behind a wrecked triple-decker hoverbus, peeking out to see what's going on.
Grace is both simply standing before Ataxia, and is a vast spread of eye-studded skywallfloorhorizon around her, with, apparently, many fragments of images of the jackal dancing befor her, offering her choices.
Grace click-drums, "Choose what to be for long or for short, as long as you need and no more."
Ataxia reaches out quietly, trailing her hand forward towards visions of herself. Her tattered mind grows sharp enough in the presence of hope that the fragments of herself offer.. and softly, she begins to sob, her finger trailing through visions.. "Grace.. Thank you for giving me a choice.. it is so nice to have that again.." she manages. She looks over the side of the car, through the fragments to Lupe, with whom she lost her darkened eyes for a little while during the light, and gained a bit of hope.. Then, back to herself.. "For a little while.. I just want to be strong enough that I can do what I want to again, despite the pain.. I want.. the confidence I don't have now, so I can choose without grasping blindly.. For a day, I want to be strong enough to feel all that I feel now, and yet have the will to decide what to do with all of that.. pain.. That way, the decision.. can be mine, utterly.." she whispers.
KeHari sits down with her back against a wrecked cargo hatch, thinking, breathing deliberately.
Potentials fall into, collapsing into a *singularity*, unknown future into which you rush, knowing only the general shape of yourself that you have chosen, In a tearing, sky and ground and everything disappear, eyes blink back to be merely contained within the body of a single spiderthing, and you... don't notice any shift, only that your pervious viewpoint seems a bit distant, a bit curious. You aren't the person you were, only the person you are now, for that time.
Ataxia's sob is broken, and she shutters, her arms rising out, the fur of her naked body bristling out far, especially along her back as potential rushes her, and she is smothered alive by it. When she blinks, she sees arms, fingers reaching into vast nothingness.. She cants her head slowly, her eyes focused.. now, easily.. She still fears, she still hurts, but the well of the sob she had before doesn't touch her so strongly as to hold her hostage.. And, with a shiver, she looks out to find Grace once more, her arms slowly falling towards her knees as she leans forward on the trunk of the car.
Grace stands before Ataxia, a faint flicker of someone else herself that fades before your eyes can resolve, and then she is the familiar arachnid. With her usual quiet tone, she expresses the sentiment locked within the cast of her limbs, the flurrying of her pedipalps, "All days are potentially filled with promise! You only need to see it!" And, then, she fades, just a little. "Would you be content with a farewell?"
Ataxia's dull blue eyes watch the flicker.. but, too fast for her.. she only knows it happened. But the eyes trail to limbs as she listens to words, her lips drawing back in a slow, genuine smile. The blackness below her eyes fades to not a thing.. "Just.. please, know that I thank you.. more than I can express directly, for this day.. Grace.. For letting me decide something again.. For giving me the chance to decide everything.. I hope I can repay you by breaking out of my trap, and touching potential.. and proving to myself what you said.. that I am.. perfect.. So long as you know that I feel this way.. that I found so much in you, and with you.. Then, I am content with a fairwell.." she offers, reaching out quietly to touch the tip of a limb, to make contact with a strange, new friend.
Grace returns the contact, a sparkle of eyes touched either by the glowing rose she wears or a gleam of emotion. Her leg curls, holding, and then she is gone.
Ataxia's eyes trail to the rose.. and a distant memory of something said before crosses her. But, she doesn't know at all what it means. Her smile remains, her fingers curling on the leg for the few moment's allowed.. then, falling forward, her hand smacking down like deadweight on the trunk, the jackal looking distant, but.. yet, focused once more.
----
And then, after her newly clear eyes trail across the familiar sounding rose, company, and promise come to her.
Diafeara has arrived.
Diafeara murmurs a greeting.
KeHari is sitting behind a wrecked triple-decker hoverbus, waving to get Dia's attention, out of sight from Ataxia.
Diafeara backs slowly, casually, toward where Kelly is sitting, fading out of the jackal's line of sight and joining the vixen with a questioning look.
Ataxia is distant enough that she does not focus on the motion of either Diafeara or the out of sight Kelly. Her hands curl on the end of the trunk, and she begins to quietly coo her happy little song.. "Bah-du-bah bau-du-bah, i-deco i-deco, un-da-se, un-du-se la, twa de fer. I-le-I-lu-ishus se-de-a. Nu-bon no I con-tru mon le play. E-no-non la mon-cha be-sair, oh-che-to-sey-to-cher, me-te-mont. Bah-du-bah bau-du-bah, bah-du-bah bau-du-bah, twa de fer.." It sounds.. French? No. It could be a language - but its not something anyone else knows. It certainly could make sense, though. She seems content to spend the next few minutes singing to herself.
KeHari leans over to Dia.
Ataxia meanwhile, remains stark naked, with an unexplained black orb circling her, with a few spires of Nirosta coiled around it.
Diafeara shoots a disbelieving gaze at Kelly, and murmurs, gesturing at the naked jackal.
KeHari gestures as well, a bit more strongly.
Diafeara throws her hands up.
Diafeara draws something from her sarong, and shows it to Kelly.
System has arrived.
Diafeara and Kelly are rather hidden from Ataxia, behind a rusted out bus, whispering furiously amongst themselves.
System walks towards Ataxia, bowing deeply. "Greetings, love. What is your status?"
Ataxia is sitting on a car, singing rather pleasantly, keeping much better with the melody when she sang before. Kelly and Diafeara remain hidden from her, and she doesn't appear to be too focused on anything else but herself at the moment. Noticeably, she's without the blackness below her eyes.
KeHari makes a calming motion towards Dia, nodding.
Diafeara sticks her head out a little to watch System approach Ataxia.
Ataxia blinks out, and smiles, her singing coming to abrupt stop as she leans forward on the car.. "Love.." she offers.. and smiles.. "Please.. don't approach me so distantly.." she sighs softly, and reaches out a hand.. "Though, I know.." she continues, smiling.. "I know how you are.."
Diafeara smiles wryly at Kelly, glancing down at the object in her own hand. "Okay.."
Diafeara steps out from behind the bus.
System smiles, and rushes towards Ataxia, wrapping (his) arms around her and kissing her. "It is good
to... mmmh... see you!"
Diafeara waves casually. "Hey, guys. How's it going?" She takes no notice of the kissing or various shows of affection.
KeHari stays behind the bus for now, simply listening.
Ataxia blinks quietly again as Diafeara arises, her ears curling up curiously, but she waits a moment.. She suddenly yips, though, and is surrounded by arms.. She laughs, the girl slumpping forward against the trunk of the car so she can kiss the probe back.. "Don't overdo it, either.." she grins slowly.. She looks over to Diafeara, her arms crossing on System's shoulders.. "That would take a lot of explaining.." she responds to her.. but smiles. "I am strong.. for a day.."
Diafeara nods. "For a day, excellent." She holds out her hand. In it there is an oblong crystal, roughly the size of her thumb. "For a day when you aren't strong, then.. I've made it."
Diafeara says, "This is your drug."
System nuzzles against Ataxia, half-yawning at the contact. "I am happy to see you. I had been worried you would still be desirous of privacy. Hello, Diafeara."
Ataxia looks out slowly.. and, raises an arm, trailing fingers out for a moment.. then letting them fall again, the jackal turning to the flame cat.. "I will need it.. I know I will, Diafeara.." she responds, looking at the crystal.. and then out to Dia, with a hint of admiration in her eyes.. "It must have taken a lot for you.. was it worth it?.. Or, then.. perhaps I can make it worth it for you, when I try it.."
Diafeara shrugs. It took hours of effort, tons of drugs in her own brain, and couple days without sleep, but she says, "Nah, not a problem. But.. I'm going to hang on to it for you. To keep it safe. It's.. powerful and the effects.." She takes a deep breath. "It was worth it for the challenge. I love a good challenge." She smiles with half her mouth.
System sets down (his) briefcase, pulling himself up onto the car next to Ataxia, nodding to Diafeara. "I assert my gratitude, Diafeara, for assisting Ataxia."
System wraps (his) arm quietly around Ataxia's waist, half-leaning against her.
Diafeara eyes the briefcase.
Ataxia's tail curls around System as she watches the smile. The jackal finds herself grinning.. "It will be worth it to me.. I want to hear everything about it, later.. Today.. and maybe for a few days after.. I am occupied, however.." she offers, her fingers slowly brushing behind System's head.
Diafeara nods slowly, and fades back, behind the bus again, next to Kelly.
System half-yawns gently, letting (his) eyes droop half-closed, smiling contentedly. "I am glad to see you are doing well, love."
KeHari looks at the returning Dia and shrugs helplessly.
Diafeara laughs, unevenly, and leans forward to plant a swift, brief kiss on Kelly's muzzle before wandering back out.
Ataxia reaches out, her fingers curling behind the probe's ears, one, then the other.. "Lupe helpped me feel better earlier.. but, even then, I was only happy with her.. I.. have a temporary.. change of point of view, though, thanks to Grace.." she murmurs, leaning forward.. "I'm still deeply hurting.. in many ways.. but I can bear up under it, even while still feeling it.. for the next day.."
System states quietly, "I have been thinking, and I realised why I did hurt you, love, I believe. I was simply so worried and confused about other events that I could not think of why you were giving me that piece of you. You wanted to reassure me, correct?"
System makes a small curious noise, eyes closing all the way as Ataxia strokes behind (his) ears. "How was Grace able to help?"
Ataxia nods softly, looking a little distant for a short moment, her smile half fading.. But then, with a soft breath in.. "Please, take the orb from me, then.. and.. just.. enjoy it? It even feels nice.. Lupe thought so.." she offers, nodding her head. "I want you to be reassured by it, yes.." she continues, her tailtip tapping at the probe's back.. "Grace.. showed me possibilities.. and asked if I wanted to take one.. I chose a possibility.. wherein I was strong enough, for a day, to deal with my emotions, but still feel them.. so I could make choices on my own with all the information available to me.. Its a good start.." she whispers.
System nods quietly, squeezing against Ataxia. "I shall, love... thank you."
Ataxia gestures quietly, smiling.. and the Pre-Matter Sphere returns to System.. She leans forward, and kisses right above his nose.. "Love.. I am going to rest.. I have been up all night. If you'd like, you can curl up with me at home.." she whispers.
System nods, wrapping (his) arm around her, taking up the sphere, before hopping down to pick up (his) briefcase. "Yes, love... I shall."
System picks the black briefcase up to carry it.
Ataxia smiles, and stands up with System.. "I will be home in a moment.. I must gather my clothes from The Mind Electric, and drop off a note." she offers, and kisses his nose.
---
Two notes have been left.
To Lupe, tied around her finger with a string:
"Thank you so much for being with me.. I want you to be with me again for something important.. I want you to be there for me, as I was not for you. Isn't it selfish of me? I would be there for you now, too, if it were to happen all over again. Grace has helped me regain a bit of will for a day. And I intend to use it. Please talk to me later. Love, Ataxia."
To Jini, likely literally on her sleeping person, before she makes her way home:
Its a piece of paper, with an animation on it. The jackal in the picture (with the label of Ataxia on her shirt) waves up to you when you look at it.. "I wish to see you. I want to talk to you. I want to do something with you. I have a proposition for you. Please, come see me, or allow me to see you? I want it to be private - but feel free to tell those like you. But not the others. There is so much I want to ask you. I have a mental reprieve thanks to Grace - it will last only one day. I want to see you within that time.. It would make me.. happy. I have never feared you as have others." it speaks in a cute little bubble.