I'd wait it out for you...
Intentionally, I have not spent more than a few minutes online a week. It felt nice to live my life OFF a computer screen. I was able to focus on whats going on in my life.
The past few months have not been easy. There has been problems. Lots of them.
Lets re-cap.
I'm still George.
My birthday was last week. Steve went through so much trouble to make my birthday nice. We almsot broke up on the day of my birthdy. Because of Taylor. For those who are unfamiliar, Taylor is a haunting of Stephens love past. The existance of him brought us into a fight that almost broke us up. My fault. My insecurities killing me on the inside. I was alone for most of my birthday, crying on my bedroom floor. Eventually, I was with Steve. The next day, I worked a mid-shift and then came home to an expected surprise party. A few people spilled hints to lead me to believe there was a party. So it wasnt so much of a surprise. But it felt amazing. Steve said he hasnt seen me smile so big since the day I met him.
A lot of my close friends were there. Him and a few others threw the whole party together. They all took me out to eat at Red Lobster. We were all waiting for a table, and I was sitting with Steve on a bench, where his phone rang. I glanced at his phone at the same time as him. It said "Taylor Calling...". I felt like a building just collapsed on top of me. The thought of Taylor crashed my mood. I was quiet and distant the rest of the night. Unfortunately, I pissed off Steve. He went through so much trouble to give me a good night, but I spoiled it by allowing Taylor to hurt me due to my insecurities. I messed everything up. I ruined what Steve tried to give me.
Unfortunately, the past few months with Steve have been filled with numerous fights. All over the same main issue.. Insecurities and distance... When either of us feels even a tiny bit upset, we push the other person so far away.. It damages what we have. We are aware of this and are trying to solve the problem.
I wish I wasnt so damaged by my past. I wish I was able to be a stronger person and not allow my insecurities to bite at me so that way I could be alright and not cause fights with my boyfriend.
I love him. A lot. Its a growing love that is built on a strong connection we both feel together. He feels more than a boyfriend to me. He feels like a best friend also. Minus the stupid fighting, what we have is amazing. We can be and are so great together.
I wish I wasnt so fucked up though. I have ruined SO many friendships and relationships in my life. I dont want to ruin this one. It means so much to me. I feel like I am supposed to be with him and not let go right now. I have to stop messing things up so much so we can keep what we have together.
I have to swallow the pain that Steve's friendship with Taylor causes. I have to find a way to deal with it to keep Steve in my life. He wont distance his frienship for me, he made that very clear. Thats why we almost broke up. I said I didnt think it was fair for me to have to deal with the pain but if I dont, I cant be with him.
I have to become a better person for Steve.
I still work for Hot Topic. Its great there. The Holiday Season is going smoothly. No problems at all. Andrea, Kathy, Lindz and Chris all are great co-managers to work with. The associates are great too even though I dont work directly with them very much.
I got a stupid ticket last month.. No seatbelt.. or so he thought. Oh, and unregistered veichle. Who ever thought you had to register frequently.. *shrug*
Me and Heather are still living together... she has come into money problems and that has damaged our friendship... mainly because it directly effects me and damages my credit and relationship with people.. I hate that my friendship with Heather is taking a huge blow because of this.
Me, Steve, Rasonda, Heather and Andy all took a road trip into Lowell Mass for Panic At The Disco, Jacks Mannequin, & Plain White T's. Unfortunately, I was alone the whole show. Heather, Andy and Rasonda went flying into the crowd somewhere.. Me and Steve were fighting.. and got seperated... The show was amazing. And I got a great Jacks Mannequin Tee... Which btw, Jacks Mannequin was totally wasted for their performance. SO bad too. They couldnt even stand up straight. lol.
My mom got me an electric guitar and my sister gave me her acoustic/electric.. With an Amp. I am going to try so hard to learn to play. I have always wanted to, This and drums. My dad plays drums. :] My mom got me a wicked nice Drum Machine for Christmas. I cant wait to use that bitch.
Mindless Self Indulgence had an exclusive Hot Topic release today. Holy crap this thing is sweet. Five new songs, Five great remixes. Definately worth the 9 dollars.
AFI had a show back in early November. I went with a whole bunch of people... Rasonda, Steve, Heather, Aaron, Ed, Jess, Kelly.. and some others. It was so much fun. Except the beginning. Me and Steve has some weird tension because Taylor was going to be there.. It made us both awkward.. finally.. right after a few brief sentences... Taylor came right up to the huge group of us and stood right behind me. I turned around to see who Steve said Hi to and saw Taylor and his friend. I turned back around and stared up at the stage. My friends turned around and saw Taylor and all of their eyes bugged out. They were mouthing "holy shit. why is he here. go the fuck away" Steve ran off. I ran after him. Then the show started. For both opening bands, me and steve cried to each other and almost broke up. We ended up solving that act of sadness and returned right before AFI Came on and had a wicked great time. That show was perfect. No band could have outstaged them.
Steve's boss, Erin, had a Halloween party. We dressed up for it. I was pretty. My boyfriend was dead.
The Altamont Scaregrounds were nice. We found a baby beast in a glass box. Jokes were made at other peoples expense.
For My Chemical Romance's BLACK PARADE album release, we had a release party at work. I had to dress dead. Too bad the album sucked otherwise the party may have been amazing. I looked good though. As always.
Bombers makes fat kids happy.
Panic! At The Disco & Jacks Mannequin
AFI is fucking sexy.
My Sweet Birthday Party
The past few months have not been easy. There has been problems. Lots of them.
Lets re-cap.
I'm still George.
My birthday was last week. Steve went through so much trouble to make my birthday nice. We almsot broke up on the day of my birthdy. Because of Taylor. For those who are unfamiliar, Taylor is a haunting of Stephens love past. The existance of him brought us into a fight that almost broke us up. My fault. My insecurities killing me on the inside. I was alone for most of my birthday, crying on my bedroom floor. Eventually, I was with Steve. The next day, I worked a mid-shift and then came home to an expected surprise party. A few people spilled hints to lead me to believe there was a party. So it wasnt so much of a surprise. But it felt amazing. Steve said he hasnt seen me smile so big since the day I met him.
A lot of my close friends were there. Him and a few others threw the whole party together. They all took me out to eat at Red Lobster. We were all waiting for a table, and I was sitting with Steve on a bench, where his phone rang. I glanced at his phone at the same time as him. It said "Taylor Calling...". I felt like a building just collapsed on top of me. The thought of Taylor crashed my mood. I was quiet and distant the rest of the night. Unfortunately, I pissed off Steve. He went through so much trouble to give me a good night, but I spoiled it by allowing Taylor to hurt me due to my insecurities. I messed everything up. I ruined what Steve tried to give me.
Unfortunately, the past few months with Steve have been filled with numerous fights. All over the same main issue.. Insecurities and distance... When either of us feels even a tiny bit upset, we push the other person so far away.. It damages what we have. We are aware of this and are trying to solve the problem.
I wish I wasnt so damaged by my past. I wish I was able to be a stronger person and not allow my insecurities to bite at me so that way I could be alright and not cause fights with my boyfriend.
I love him. A lot. Its a growing love that is built on a strong connection we both feel together. He feels more than a boyfriend to me. He feels like a best friend also. Minus the stupid fighting, what we have is amazing. We can be and are so great together.
I wish I wasnt so fucked up though. I have ruined SO many friendships and relationships in my life. I dont want to ruin this one. It means so much to me. I feel like I am supposed to be with him and not let go right now. I have to stop messing things up so much so we can keep what we have together.
I have to swallow the pain that Steve's friendship with Taylor causes. I have to find a way to deal with it to keep Steve in my life. He wont distance his frienship for me, he made that very clear. Thats why we almost broke up. I said I didnt think it was fair for me to have to deal with the pain but if I dont, I cant be with him.
I have to become a better person for Steve.
I still work for Hot Topic. Its great there. The Holiday Season is going smoothly. No problems at all. Andrea, Kathy, Lindz and Chris all are great co-managers to work with. The associates are great too even though I dont work directly with them very much.
I got a stupid ticket last month.. No seatbelt.. or so he thought. Oh, and unregistered veichle. Who ever thought you had to register frequently.. *shrug*
Me and Heather are still living together... she has come into money problems and that has damaged our friendship... mainly because it directly effects me and damages my credit and relationship with people.. I hate that my friendship with Heather is taking a huge blow because of this.
Me, Steve, Rasonda, Heather and Andy all took a road trip into Lowell Mass for Panic At The Disco, Jacks Mannequin, & Plain White T's. Unfortunately, I was alone the whole show. Heather, Andy and Rasonda went flying into the crowd somewhere.. Me and Steve were fighting.. and got seperated... The show was amazing. And I got a great Jacks Mannequin Tee... Which btw, Jacks Mannequin was totally wasted for their performance. SO bad too. They couldnt even stand up straight. lol.
My mom got me an electric guitar and my sister gave me her acoustic/electric.. With an Amp. I am going to try so hard to learn to play. I have always wanted to, This and drums. My dad plays drums. :] My mom got me a wicked nice Drum Machine for Christmas. I cant wait to use that bitch.
Mindless Self Indulgence had an exclusive Hot Topic release today. Holy crap this thing is sweet. Five new songs, Five great remixes. Definately worth the 9 dollars.
AFI had a show back in early November. I went with a whole bunch of people... Rasonda, Steve, Heather, Aaron, Ed, Jess, Kelly.. and some others. It was so much fun. Except the beginning. Me and Steve has some weird tension because Taylor was going to be there.. It made us both awkward.. finally.. right after a few brief sentences... Taylor came right up to the huge group of us and stood right behind me. I turned around to see who Steve said Hi to and saw Taylor and his friend. I turned back around and stared up at the stage. My friends turned around and saw Taylor and all of their eyes bugged out. They were mouthing "holy shit. why is he here. go the fuck away" Steve ran off. I ran after him. Then the show started. For both opening bands, me and steve cried to each other and almost broke up. We ended up solving that act of sadness and returned right before AFI Came on and had a wicked great time. That show was perfect. No band could have outstaged them.
Steve's boss, Erin, had a Halloween party. We dressed up for it. I was pretty. My boyfriend was dead.
The Altamont Scaregrounds were nice. We found a baby beast in a glass box. Jokes were made at other peoples expense.
For My Chemical Romance's BLACK PARADE album release, we had a release party at work. I had to dress dead. Too bad the album sucked otherwise the party may have been amazing. I looked good though. As always.
Bombers makes fat kids happy.
Panic! At The Disco & Jacks Mannequin
AFI is fucking sexy.
My Sweet Birthday Party