a starless sky no moonlight;
It's funny. I can't stop looking at the BRPS and F_W posts, and the IM conversation I had with Todd. Even if they don't bother me as much as they did yesterday, it's still there. It's strengthened my natural tendancy to distrust people, and when you're the type who hardly socializes, like me, that's hardly a good thing. I am still debating whether or not to abandon this journal once the paid time runs out and disappear to another, because regardless of what anyone says, there is now a taint associated with this name.
But I suppose I learned something, about some of the people I had thought I was friendly with. About the people I can truly say I am grateful to have as friends. And to those who asked me, I requested they not comment to defend me on the one thread I was part of on the BRPS post, because I wanted to handle it myself and I didn't want them to be mislabelled as attack dogs for my sake.
I'm not claiming full victimization in this, but neither am I retracting my opinion. For those who may be interested, yes, I know who made the BRPS post, and yes, I am almost completely certain of who both saw my entry and leaked it. Neither the latter nor the former are listed on my friends' list. I am thoroughly convinced, however, that the latter made use of another's livejournal to read my post. I also believe this invasive reader to be my immitator, though there is no hard evidence to prove such as the case. I don't intend to name names or go into details of conclusions and theories here, because whatever anyone might say, this is my journal, and I don't need to waste space giving them more attention than they deserve. This brief follow-up, however, I feel to be necessary for my peace of mind.
The LJ abuse staff seem to believe that defamation of character as a result of an attempted immitation of my person and the public reposting of filtered commentary to be neither harassment nor an invasion of privacy. I disagree with them, but there really isn't anything I can do.
So there it is: to those who were offended by the pieces of my post mentioned in BRPS, you have my apologies. As I have said, it was not a personal attack. It was not a matter of grudges. It was my utter disbelief at the popularity of an idea, and it was visible to only those I knew shared a similiar mindset. To those who hate me for my honesty, hate me. But to those who hate me only on the basis of what others have told them, you still have a long way to go.