Words...
It's funny how I can go for so long without writing, and then I can literally feel my head cluttering with words. I just read my journal entries and a few thoughts occured to me. 1) I clearly am obsessed with Marcus. Or at least I was. Most of my entries are about him. So does this mean I am not anymore, given that I have barely written in the past four years? 2) Has my life really changed? 3) I don't think I feel so passionate about work the way I used to. Oh naive idealism!
We have recently celebrated our 4 years of being married, and for the four past years I have not written much about my love. I wonder why. I can say I am just as love as I have always been. If not more. My handsome boy has grown into one hot man. He is my hero when it comes to climbing, taking me into such fun adventures, where I am so scared and so excited at the same time! So I wonder why I have not felt like writing about him. I think marriage just brings a calm surrender, in which I can just feel content, without the agony that often accompanied the need to write. I guess the truth is I have been writing, god I have written whole novels, just not here. I think it is time to be here again. In many ways these journals have been a part of my relationship with my self, and I am ready to be committed to me again.
Has my life changed? I read about wine, and parties and yoga, and dancing, oh the dancing! I have more money now, live in a bigger place, am older... but I think life has remained delightfully similar. It's strange to look back and see how the passage of time can make it all so similar. But that is an understatement. I guess on paper and in actually it is all very different. I have my own private practice... I climb... but I think I am actually itching for real change... but that is a whole other entry..
And as for number three, yikes, I do not even want to go there.
Anyway, I survived Tough Mudder and it was super fun. Other than bruises and scratches all over my body, it was fantastic. I would do it all over again, in a heart beat!
I should go make myself a salad, as Marcus will be home soon and we will be off to the climbing gym.
We have recently celebrated our 4 years of being married, and for the four past years I have not written much about my love. I wonder why. I can say I am just as love as I have always been. If not more. My handsome boy has grown into one hot man. He is my hero when it comes to climbing, taking me into such fun adventures, where I am so scared and so excited at the same time! So I wonder why I have not felt like writing about him. I think marriage just brings a calm surrender, in which I can just feel content, without the agony that often accompanied the need to write. I guess the truth is I have been writing, god I have written whole novels, just not here. I think it is time to be here again. In many ways these journals have been a part of my relationship with my self, and I am ready to be committed to me again.
Has my life changed? I read about wine, and parties and yoga, and dancing, oh the dancing! I have more money now, live in a bigger place, am older... but I think life has remained delightfully similar. It's strange to look back and see how the passage of time can make it all so similar. But that is an understatement. I guess on paper and in actually it is all very different. I have my own private practice... I climb... but I think I am actually itching for real change... but that is a whole other entry..
And as for number three, yikes, I do not even want to go there.
Anyway, I survived Tough Mudder and it was super fun. Other than bruises and scratches all over my body, it was fantastic. I would do it all over again, in a heart beat!
I should go make myself a salad, as Marcus will be home soon and we will be off to the climbing gym.