reconstruction site...
broke down, last night.
i guess it was a long time coming, but hell... didn't really think it would be that abrupt. cried, a lot. ached, a lot. threw up a few times. jesus, but i miss him... i didn't know how much i missed him.
i almost called... actually, i did call, but the line was busy. divine intervention, i'm tempted to think. in hindsight, i'm glad that i didn't speak to him, i guess... gave me a little bit of time to cool down, a little bit of time to think, to get a grip on myself, to reacquaint, you follow.
i went out with keenan for awhile last night. we walked around the lake, talked a lot. it makes me feel strange in the respect that the pattern of interaction that he and i generally follow is infrequent, almost erratic. i suppose that was what i needed, last night, to be around someone who i didn't have obligation to, who i didn't have to force inhibition on. ambience with him is so tepid. i enjoy that. i'm not under contract to be anyone in particular.
it was such an experience, to converse with someone who doesn't converse with everyone else i know. to not have to fill conversation with details about other people's lives. for it to just be he and i, for whatever he and i were worth. which, granted, isn't much. i loved that.
i guess it was a long time coming, but hell... didn't really think it would be that abrupt. cried, a lot. ached, a lot. threw up a few times. jesus, but i miss him... i didn't know how much i missed him.
i almost called... actually, i did call, but the line was busy. divine intervention, i'm tempted to think. in hindsight, i'm glad that i didn't speak to him, i guess... gave me a little bit of time to cool down, a little bit of time to think, to get a grip on myself, to reacquaint, you follow.
i went out with keenan for awhile last night. we walked around the lake, talked a lot. it makes me feel strange in the respect that the pattern of interaction that he and i generally follow is infrequent, almost erratic. i suppose that was what i needed, last night, to be around someone who i didn't have obligation to, who i didn't have to force inhibition on. ambience with him is so tepid. i enjoy that. i'm not under contract to be anyone in particular.
it was such an experience, to converse with someone who doesn't converse with everyone else i know. to not have to fill conversation with details about other people's lives. for it to just be he and i, for whatever he and i were worth. which, granted, isn't much. i loved that.