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Jun 10, 2014 15:42

This is a story of a humorous and dramatic tableau; documenting one man's descent into madness! Well, it's about what happened on my birthday, a convoluted tale of drugs and idiocy.

(Names have been changed to protect identities.)

There is a man I'm going to be calling Karl. Karl, is a poor quality "drug dealer" who seems to manage to involve himself in an ever descending spiral of shit. I met him a year ago when Nyogtha played in Brighton, I didn't see him often and he fucked off back to London to do his thing. He came back last week and I said I'd go to this rave with him for my birthday; my mate Zach also decided to come along.

Now, Karl had started to infuriate me on a regular basis. Me being an idiot thought I could look past his flaws because he was having a rough time, but now I think that is just his personality. He talks about himself and his issues nigh on constantly whilst simultaneously dismissing anyone elses' emotionally difficult experiences. He talks incessantly about selling drugs, about how good he is at it and how much money he's going to make whilst simultaneously taking all the drugs he buys, not making any money whilst criticising the methods of other dealers. Goes on about how subtle he is and then talks about it loudly and incessantly in public. We're talking about the least self-aware person I have ever met. This man lives entirely on bad faith, has the concentration span of a newt and exists entirely up his own arse. I'm not saying he's just a bit silly, he introduced me to someone who was not too bright but incredibly likeable and had enthusiasm for carpentry and speakers built from car parts. He also liked gardening...you know what I'm saying? An awareness of the world outside of himself and an appreciation of the arts....this guy, Karl...has none of that. He literally cannot perceive anything outside his own self.

Anyway, cut to Friday...I meet Karl and Zach, Karl drags us along on his dealing mission. We finally get the train to meet Karl's friends in London- a disorganised throng of mad women who were incredibly likeable. I try calling the rave on their phoneline but we find out that the rave has been moved elsewhere but they don't know where yet. So, we wait and chill at one of the women's houses, who I shall name Judith and our heroine. Karl's presence is irritating as always, using Zach's phone to call randomers constantly. We take some MDMA at Karl's insistence and smoke a lot of weed. Waiting for this God damn party to happen. In a drugged up stupour we leave the house to Vauxhall to get to some party that Karl told us about....lo and behold! He can't get hold of the guy, we get off in Brixton. Karl immediately, chastises the taxi driver for dropping us off infront of a group of black guys outside of a takeaway infront of his black friends in the taxi....way to go! Invites me to sell my remaining MDMA to said group of black guys, to which I decline and realise we can't even go to any clubs in Brixton because Judith has a Nitrous cannister on her person. So, Karl invites us to his squat in Lewisham. By this point Zach has broken out into a sweat and his biting his nails...trying to find a way home out of the madness. But it's midnight and there are no trains back to Brighton.

So, we're on the bus to Lewisham when Karl sees one of his friends on the bus...our dramatic experience truly begins. She tells him that a bunch of people had been seen moving out of his squat...that due to changes in law it's much easier to kick squatters out of properties now. Karl starts getting stressed and tries to use his friend's and Zach's phones (again) to get hold of his fellow squatters to no avail. He then proceeds to talk about how allegedly, Lewisham is so dodgy he had to pull a knife out on someone and carries a long nail around with him. This obviously does not inspire confidence in Zach and I so we go to sit with kal's friend Judith and Anna. One of Judith's friends who was going to go to the same rave as us had texted her saying that she had bad vibes about the rave nd we were talking about hos eerie it was. karl starts to go mental, telling us that we're the one perpetuating bad vibes...Judith latches onto the fact that Karl doesn't even know if there is anyone left in his squat and he goes mental again, begging people to believe him that people are still there. Judith and Anna get off the bus so they don't have to continue to deal with his bullshit. Next stop, Zach and I run off the bus and down the road to find Judith with Karl following behind, screaming about how we're ditching him.
Obviously, due to his wretched personality and his need to brag about his participation in bait shit he's not allowed to come back with us. He calls Judith and Anna crazy and is going ballistic about the whole situation, I tell him that of course I fucking trust these women more than him and his idiotic ways of conducting his affairs! Finally, he fucks off and we grab a cab back to Judith's, eat fruit, smoke weed, do Noz and watch The Beach. With people who are manifoldly safer than that fuck head.

Next morning, Zach was getting phonecalls from random crackheads because of karl and one guy who says that karl keeps phoning him and he doesn't know why. But we meet Ed in London and head back to Brighton, I smoke weed and have sex with Ed all day...which is fucking awesome.

What have I learned? Never trust drug dealers, I'm content with the bum-philosopher-musician lifestyle (for now), only go to events with a pre-assigned venue and just because you sympathise with someone's position doesn't mean you need to be their friend.
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