Quitting the EVIL WEED!
So! I'm gunna do something I thought I would never, EVER! fucking do...and that is quit smoking! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN! Planning to stop on the 29th of November. Which is in exactly 6 days. Going cold turkey, none of this nicotine replacement shit.
I am not looking forward to the first 72 hours, I think people are genuinely going to have to avoid me because I will be tearing down the walls and stabbing myself in the face with pencils.
I don't exactly know my motivations, curiosity is a massive part of it along with, I just cannot be fucked with the inconvenience anymore. When you start you just have one or two a day...but I have escalated to 50 bajillion a day in just 6 years. I just cannot be fucked with that, it's not jokes like it was when I was 16. The whole, "AHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'M SHAPING MY OWN HORRIBLE DEATH!!!" was genuinely hilarious to me. Now, I'm not so sure that it's THAT hilarious. Couple it with the fact, I'm now in two long distance relationships. I gotta be able to afford my "bitches", well...the fucking train travel, it's not like either of them are high maintenence or anything.
Also, I'm at a point where I realise, that I'm not going to die and that life is not going to suck if I do cease my filthy addiction. It'll be far more fucking convenient. No more standing on cold doorways by myself, like a dick.
Oh! and the mess, people...the ridiculous mess. I'm a clumsy moron...I get ash and tobacco fucking everywhere, hahaha!!!
And the money, I have none. That's a lie, I have a bit but there'll be more money for the band(s) and general life shit. I can afford this thing no longer!!!
Vocals, as well...I am a vocalist, I could probably improve my range and power if it were not for the smoking, 'tis true! I could be the next bloody Nina Simone!!! I am determined to be that awesome.
Apparently, quitting can improve one's concentration and wellbeing. I'm well up for that shit.
Chris doesn't like it and I don't like that playing on my mind. It plays on my mind, children!!! with it's loathsome hands! Especially as it is a flaw I can control.
Plus, the whole "addiction" thing, makes me feel like a twat, I find that aspect sits uncomfortably on my brain nowadays. I hate it.
It's kind of...wrapped up in my identity and in how others think of me. Which kind of sucks and is actually! the part I fear most. Which is fucking stupid. I'm not going to suddenly change my personality and have everyone hate me all of sudden because I can't be fucked to bun anymore. I have facets! Touch them!
So, yeah, there you go.
Wish me luck or whatever. I hope I don't fail, I don't want to. I have very good reasons to stop and none to keep doing it. I don't even think that I like it anymore and the awareness of the whole chemical reactions in my brain causing a false enjoyment...rubs me up the wrong way. Let me control my life! Damn you!!!
I am not looking forward to the first 72 hours, I think people are genuinely going to have to avoid me because I will be tearing down the walls and stabbing myself in the face with pencils.
I don't exactly know my motivations, curiosity is a massive part of it along with, I just cannot be fucked with the inconvenience anymore. When you start you just have one or two a day...but I have escalated to 50 bajillion a day in just 6 years. I just cannot be fucked with that, it's not jokes like it was when I was 16. The whole, "AHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'M SHAPING MY OWN HORRIBLE DEATH!!!" was genuinely hilarious to me. Now, I'm not so sure that it's THAT hilarious. Couple it with the fact, I'm now in two long distance relationships. I gotta be able to afford my "bitches", well...the fucking train travel, it's not like either of them are high maintenence or anything.
Also, I'm at a point where I realise, that I'm not going to die and that life is not going to suck if I do cease my filthy addiction. It'll be far more fucking convenient. No more standing on cold doorways by myself, like a dick.
Oh! and the mess, people...the ridiculous mess. I'm a clumsy moron...I get ash and tobacco fucking everywhere, hahaha!!!
And the money, I have none. That's a lie, I have a bit but there'll be more money for the band(s) and general life shit. I can afford this thing no longer!!!
Vocals, as well...I am a vocalist, I could probably improve my range and power if it were not for the smoking, 'tis true! I could be the next bloody Nina Simone!!! I am determined to be that awesome.
Apparently, quitting can improve one's concentration and wellbeing. I'm well up for that shit.
Chris doesn't like it and I don't like that playing on my mind. It plays on my mind, children!!! with it's loathsome hands! Especially as it is a flaw I can control.
Plus, the whole "addiction" thing, makes me feel like a twat, I find that aspect sits uncomfortably on my brain nowadays. I hate it.
It's kind of...wrapped up in my identity and in how others think of me. Which kind of sucks and is actually! the part I fear most. Which is fucking stupid. I'm not going to suddenly change my personality and have everyone hate me all of sudden because I can't be fucked to bun anymore. I have facets! Touch them!
So, yeah, there you go.
Wish me luck or whatever. I hope I don't fail, I don't want to. I have very good reasons to stop and none to keep doing it. I don't even think that I like it anymore and the awareness of the whole chemical reactions in my brain causing a false enjoyment...rubs me up the wrong way. Let me control my life! Damn you!!!