So hey...
I just thought I'd update someone on something, like I expect people to actually take the time to read this. My life has been confusing lately. I can't even explain how it is confusing.
Things with my mom have been somewhat rough. She's been getting worse in the sense that she's been insulting me more, taking away more privelages, and just getting more down right irritated at me. I can't think of a reason why she would. I've been trying to be nicer to her, I've been getting good grades ( in fact I just got a 100% on a math test ) and I've been trying to keep my room and bathroom clean like she normally asks me to. I know her job stresses her out a lot, and I stress her out a lot but I've been working on it. I think my stepfather might have something to do with it, since he doesn't seem to respect her a whole lot. I just wish I knew what was up with her, so I could avoid a touchy subject.
Since we got on the subject about school...I really don't feel like I fit in at all there. I went through all of the trouble of trying to get accepted into this school, and I don't know whether or not I regret it. My art is very important to me, in fact the art program there is better than I could ever have imagined it would be which is a plus, and that might be the only thing keeping me there. Socially I feel so different. I have such a hard time making friends with people, maybe because I came in at such an awkward year. All of the people I try to talk to always seem to be more...I don't know how to explain exactly. It's just weird. Their style of living is a lot different than mine, meaning almost everyone there that I know of is into hardcore partying whenever they can, and that's just not my thing. I have found one person that I can really connect to and she feels the same way about all of this. I miss people from my old school. I have been trying to reconnect with people that I carelessly cast aside due to personal reasons for which, and I never realized how much it meant to me to have all of them in my life. I try to see the people I care about as much as possible but it's hard, I might as well have moved to a different state.
Then there's the thing that I guess corrupts every pure youth at some point, romance. I have had weird feelings for someone for a while now, but it's been scattered around. Almost like I've been denying it as often as I can, since I don't like when I start to have romantic feelings for someone. I've been scarred pretty badly relationship wise, and the examples set for me at home ever since I was little never really helped with it. The drama that it causes is just to much for me to handle right now, when I'm trying to advance myself creatively, and help maintain people in my life. I don't know why I put myself in these situations.
I'm scared about my future. I want to be a tattoo artist. I know this for a fact, nothing has ever felt more right to me. I know it will be hard to get there too... It will take a lot of willpower, that I know I have if I dig down. I'm just scared about how I'm going to get the money to get an apprenticeship..and if I can advance to the place I want to be at by the time college comes. I know I have a few years, but the future seems so close.
I know this might not be used as a venting website, but I figured sharing just a fraction of what is bothering my mind might be better than keeping it in, and I must admit, I feel a little better.
Kia: You wanna go shoot something?
Louise: You idiot...that doesn't work for everyone.
Murphy:Actually...
Kia:LET'S GO!