i've hit that point again
so here i am, bored as usual. i've become reclusive again and i'm sure it will pass, but for now, i'm just pretty bummed about everything. i'm not satisfied. this stupid class i'm taking is bringing me down, working all the time is bringing me down, everything is just bringing me down. it's summer and i'm not having fun. sure, i do things, but they don't make up for the fact that i'm fairly miserable. i'm losing faith in those around me. i feel unwanted, uninvited. it seems people are changing and i don't like those changes. i'm just sick of everything right now. i'm disappointed in myself and everyone. i feel like the only person that's really there is adam. he always wants to hang out with me and talk to me. it's kinda sad, but the last few days, the people that i've had the most fun with were jamison and tommy. i haven't hung out with jamison in forever, and tommy, i barely know yet those 2 have been there more than the people i'm usually around. i like them, they're good kids.
i want so much to just let this all out but i find it so hard. that's not me. usually, i try to just be upfront about everything. specs called me tonight and i just couldn't talk to him. i wanted to, but i couldn't. i felt like he wouldn't take me seriously. i hate when i have problems that i want to talk out because there's never anyone there to listen. i'm the one that everyone goes to and bitches to about whatever, but when i have a problem, nobody bothers to listen. it's always been that way and i suck it up for so long and eventually, it gets to this point. i just keep pretending that everything is okay, but now, i'm done with that, i can't pretend anymore at this point.
i know some of my friends will read this and they'll probably talk about it before they talk to me about it, but what else can i expect? it seems that's the way things go. i don't want pity, i just want to know that i do have true friends.
i want so much to just let this all out but i find it so hard. that's not me. usually, i try to just be upfront about everything. specs called me tonight and i just couldn't talk to him. i wanted to, but i couldn't. i felt like he wouldn't take me seriously. i hate when i have problems that i want to talk out because there's never anyone there to listen. i'm the one that everyone goes to and bitches to about whatever, but when i have a problem, nobody bothers to listen. it's always been that way and i suck it up for so long and eventually, it gets to this point. i just keep pretending that everything is okay, but now, i'm done with that, i can't pretend anymore at this point.
i know some of my friends will read this and they'll probably talk about it before they talk to me about it, but what else can i expect? it seems that's the way things go. i don't want pity, i just want to know that i do have true friends.