This is seriously fucked up.
So for those of you who don't have me on myspace, here is a quick recap of my week...
1. My cat died...umm yeah, MY KITTEN...who wasn't older than 8 months got hit by a car...limped around for two days and I had to watch her die. I can't stand her not being here and I wish I'd just wake up one day and she'd be back. I've cried so much over her...she was MY cat...my baby pretty much. And she loved me just as much...she'd sit on my shoulder all the time, and if I was on the computer she'd lay at my feet or jump up on the keyboard...She was seriously the best cat in the world. There wasn't a day that went by where she wouldn't kiss my face or need my attention and I couldn't even save her. There goes the emotional pain.
2. We lost the baby this week. We knew we were going to because there was no heartbeat...but it actually left my body this week. This makes number 3 and I'm beginning to think that I just should not have kids. Obviously God(if there even IS one) doesn't want me to. Physical AND emotional pain.
3. I care about my stepson more than his own father does, and I definately care about myself more than he does.
What the fuck? Why can't I just have a normal, happy life? Why do I feel like the only joys I actually have in life are being ripped away from me somehow? Of course with Chris, it's his fault...No one told him to be the way he is. But Christ! What do I have to do to be happy? I swear, my life ought to end soon just to get this shit over with. I can't take much more.
1. My cat died...umm yeah, MY KITTEN...who wasn't older than 8 months got hit by a car...limped around for two days and I had to watch her die. I can't stand her not being here and I wish I'd just wake up one day and she'd be back. I've cried so much over her...she was MY cat...my baby pretty much. And she loved me just as much...she'd sit on my shoulder all the time, and if I was on the computer she'd lay at my feet or jump up on the keyboard...She was seriously the best cat in the world. There wasn't a day that went by where she wouldn't kiss my face or need my attention and I couldn't even save her. There goes the emotional pain.
2. We lost the baby this week. We knew we were going to because there was no heartbeat...but it actually left my body this week. This makes number 3 and I'm beginning to think that I just should not have kids. Obviously God(if there even IS one) doesn't want me to. Physical AND emotional pain.
3. I care about my stepson more than his own father does, and I definately care about myself more than he does.
What the fuck? Why can't I just have a normal, happy life? Why do I feel like the only joys I actually have in life are being ripped away from me somehow? Of course with Chris, it's his fault...No one told him to be the way he is. But Christ! What do I have to do to be happy? I swear, my life ought to end soon just to get this shit over with. I can't take much more.