there's reason to believe.

[asweetaddiction]

Today's his birthday, I think. I'm not completely sure. He told me one night when it was snowing and i was cold and lonely, and i remembered it then, i think. But now pieces of him are fading. Fading fast and slowly and everything in between. I don't remember what his favorite food is but i do remember that he had potatos on Easter. I don't remember what part of Hawaii he's going to but I do know that he'll be gone for a month and that he leaves next Tuesday. I know pieces of him, now. I know small pieces that couldn't even fit together to make the outline of a puzzle. I wish I could be glad. I wish i could be happy that this whole thing is becoming history. That this finally ending.

But i'm not. I'm just not. I want to talk to him and I want to make him laugh and I want to make him think of me and i hate how i can't. and i hate him for not caring. but really i don't hate him. all the anger that i once had is fading into this resignation, and i hate that. i almost wish that he would do something to hurt me so that i could feel something other than this tiredness. This lonely, lonely tiredness that fills the pit of my stomach and that keeps me up at night. This tiredness that wakes me up at 7:17am and has me staring at the clock.

I just wish he would hurry up and break me instead of taking me apart, piece by piece. Because, you know, it just gets tiring.

(Happy birthday, Abby)