The Perfect [4/10]
Title: The Perfect
Author: Effy (asutex)
Rating: R
Warnings: language, sexual situations, homosexuality, abuse
Disclaimer: Still don't own Glee. I will have my invisibly rainbow duckling lawyers of Quack & Associates get right on that.
Summary: To anyone else, it was just Rachel and Jesse. Rachel, the ignored beauty. Jesse, the arrogant dream man. Rachel Berry and her perfect boyfriend. The sight forced a frustrated sigh from Quinn's lips. She really hated Jesse.
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Rachel hurriedly swept down the hallway, arms wrapped around her books and holding them tightly to her chest. She kept telling herself that there was no cause for such worry. Jesse would understand why it had happened. He would. He was sweet and perfect and logical. There was nothing for her to be concerned about. He had just texted to say that he wanted to see her alone after school to discuss what had happened with Quinn.
Even though she couldn't find a reason for him to be upset - Quinn had, after all, accepted her flippant excuse - it was still possible that she missed something. Maybe there was some detail that proved that any anger on Jesse's part was warranted. What if she had screwed up again? The idea was entirely too possible, probable even, for her liking.
"Rachel, are you okay?" Quinn's voice was polished and sang with an unspoken note of something like nobility. It was so much more beautiful than her own. It always had been and forever would be. As much as it stung her to admit it, Quinn was also a good singer. The former Cheerio was smart, beautiful and charming.
Why was Jesse dating her again?
"Oh, that? It's just from an accident I had during my routine morning workout. I just didn't want it showing. It's a little embarrassing to hurt yourself doing something that you do every single day and night." Rachel hoped that her smile was convincing. More than that, she tried to pull her arm away slowly as to not draw attention to it. Jesse had been a little more careless that usual. She would have to mention that to him. The blob of discoloration that Quinn had seen was just a small part of it.
A smile like a brilliant star lit Quinn's face, causing her to glow in even the dim lighting of the bedroom. Then a soft laugh. It was familiar and yet a stranger. That same laugh had before been scathing and humorless; the laugh of cruelty and superiority. It had hurt every single time that she had been subjected to the harsh sound. It was different now. The laugh was warm and open. It wasn't trying to tear down the little self-confidence that remained. Instead, it was almost as if the room was a bit brighter because of the melodic sound.
Rachel found her mouth slightly open from the sheer shock of hearing such an incredible difference. Quinn's mouth was moving now, but the brunette found that she had no idea what the other was saying. A realization had just overwhelmed her.
Quinn Fabray's attempts at gaining her friendship were sincere.
"Rachel. Come here." The voice drew her in. It was as though it spoke directly to the muscles that controlled her legs because, without a second thought, her feet were carrying her over to her boyfriend. Much to her dismay, he did not look pleased to see her. The diva berated herself mentally, feeling uncharacteristically and genuinely angry at herself for not picking up on what her mistake had been.
"Jesse, I can explain." Rachel began, but her boyfriend cut directly to the source of his irritation.
"Why was Quinn in your room to begin with? More than that, why was she on your bed touching you at all?" Jesse's endearing possessive nature rose to the surface in full force. The implied accusation of his expression caught her off guard.
"I am certainly not interested in Quinn like that, Jesse... And I am also positive that Quinn Fabray would never want anything of that nature with-"
"Don't play innocent, you must know how she looks at you, Rachel." He had reigned in his temper and his voice had been replaced with one that was dripping with forced sweetness and laced with a dangerous thread of outrage.
Unfortunately, Rachel had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. She hadn't noticed Quinn looking at her in any particular way. The only difference that she had noticed was that the blond's hazel eyes were kinder and warmer when meeting her own. Rachel was honestly bewildered by the entire situation rolled out before her.
"Jesse, I hones-" A jolt of pain that she knew was completely deserved. They were still at school, so he couldn't be so open about his method of punishment. He told her that it was something that no one else would understand. She knew that to be true. No one else would understand their love. Her boyfriend's fingers tightened around her wrist, the force increasing steadily.
Rachel knew that Jesse was a very observant individual. He always proved that by popping up at her house bearing gifts and apologies for any pain he may have caused. Sometimes he would come over to her house when she wasn't even there. Dad and daddy both approved of him wholeheartedly because of his extravagant displays of affection. Once he had left beautiful lilies on every open surface in her room along with a note of sweet words and sincerest regrets about having to teach her a lesson.
"I think we should go somewhere so we can be alone, don't you, Rachel? We need to talk about this." Rachel could only respond with a muted nod, eyes lowering as an aura of self-loathing settled over her body. Jesse just smiled casually, releasing her arm to firmly wrap an arm around her waist. He pointedly ignored the slight wince that was elicited from his rough touch.
Jesse dropped her off at home about an hour later, sore and aching. She could almost feel the bruises forming on her back. This time, at least, the boy had been more careful with his area selection. It was more difficult to make excuses for injuries on her back and shoulder blades, but it was also easier to hide them from the rest of the world. During a change between two performances, Rachel had once been caught with her shirt off with a feeble explanation for a splash of purples and greens stretching across her ribcage. Luckily, it had only been Brittany who saw and, as far as she knew, the blonde had never made a mention of it to anyone.
Still, there had been a moment there when she thought that she saw something like pointed indignation in the blonde's eyes. Rachel could only assume that she had imagined it, because she never saw that look again. The cheery blond still gave off a sense of fluffy kittens, pink butterflies and happy rainbows. It was just her personality. Neither of them had ever spoken of that exchange. Neither of them even acknowledged that anything had happened. Still, a small part of her resented Brittany for seeing her body like that.
Rachel joined her dads for dinner, more than happy to partake in the meal that they had prepared. Rather, the meal that daddy had prepared. Dad couldn't even microwave food without burning it. Daddy, on the other, was an excellent cook and had taught her to maintain a healthy diet and to keep to organically raised produce and proteins as much as she could. Tonight, it was a delicious meal of vegetables and vegan-friendly pasta. It sounded awfully plain, but the right techniques and seasonings really did wonders for the taste.
Seeing and talking with her fathers lifted her spirit, but was only temporary.
As was customary after these punishments, Rachel found herself curled up on her bed. Her knees were tucked up against her chest, arms wrapped around them as she inexplicably stared at her wall. Her eyes weren't focused on anything in particular, just a randomly selected spot on the wall. This time, it happened to be her Annie poster. The position she sat in was uncomfortable and strained the new injuries to her back, the skin pulled tight there.
Before she fully realized what she was doing, Rachel found herself sliding the all too familiar tape around in her hands. She turned it over and over in her fingers, just gazing down at the precious object. It was her most valuable possession. A possession that she wasn't even supposed to have yet. Then the tape was back in her stereo and her finger pressing down on the play button.
A pause and then those words she so longed to hear spoken aloud, 'Hey, Baby...'
The tears started before she had a chance to realize what was happening. It immediately started her spiral downwards. God, why was she so stupid? She wouldn't blame Jesse if he ever wanted to break up with such an incompetent and thoughtless girl like herself. He could have anyone that he wanted. Most days, Rachel just thought that he was far too sweet to leave her for someone more worthy of his time and romantic efforts. She collapsed into herself, pressing her forehead into her knees as she sang softly.
It had been a few weeks and, though he initially seemed thrilled to help her find out who her mother was, Jesse's enthusiasm for the idea had died away. It was right around the time that he had been forced to start punishing her more frequently that he gave up on helping her. In fact, he seemed to have changed his mind about it even being a good idea. Rachel, on the other hand, had found that she couldn't just stop looking for the woman on the tape. It was too important that she find her mother. It was her dream.
The song ended, just as it always would. Again, her mother was gone. She was just out of reach; she was haunting Rachel with that voice of hers. The sixteen-year-old diva couldn't remember the last time that she was able to sleep through the night. Rachel would always awaken from the same dream that taunted her with a distant, ethereal woman singing to her. She would cry out, run on and on for what felt like miles until she felt every muscle quivering with exhaustion. Her hand would reach out, her fingers grasping desperately for her mother's outstretched arm.
Then she would find herself in her room, awake and very much alone.
Every day, her heart broke a little more when this happened.
It hurt that Jesse wouldn't help her, but she understood completely. Really, she did. He was a good guy, but he also had his own problems to deal with. He was busy with practicing for all of the solos that Mr. Schue gave him and dancing and participating in various other extracurriculars at school. It was only fair that he be able to do what he wanted without being held back by her silly need to do something that would probably never happen.
Quinn gave her that slow, sweet smile when they passed in the hallway to go to different classes. Rachel returned it without a second though but then Jesse's words rang in her ears again. Jesse was smart and perceptive, but he had to be wrong about this. Quinn had always been well-liked by their peers. Rachel, on the other hand, had always been less popular but it wasn't until fourth grade that people really started to genuinely hate her and her personality.
When she was in middle school, there had been a period of time during which she believed that she had some sort of feelings for the mean-spirited cheerleader. Rachel had been confused and had no idea what to do. With no one that she felt she could talk to about the subject - including her two dads because they were still of the opposite gender - Rachel just fought the emotions down into the depths, locked them away and forced herself to never revisit them ever again.
She moved to invite the girl down to sit with her and Jesse, but a sharp glare stopped her in her tracks. Instead, she ended up just sort of awkwardly waving before taking her designated place by her talented boyfriend. Unnoticed by Rachel, Jesse kept her focus on his girlfriend out of his peripheral vision.
He was not at all happy about this new interested that Quinn seemed to have in Rachel. His girl may not have noticed the looks, but Jesse definitely had. He had seen the former cheerleader watching the diva when she thought that no one else was looking. A rather boring way to discover such a thing.
Jesse was fully aware of the reason for the covered circles beneath Rachel's eyes. Her eyes seemed unfocused and vacant. It almost made him feel guilty until he remembered that men were never supposed to feel bad. The man comes first, the male children are next, the female children come after that, and the woman comes last. That was how relationships were supposed to work. He had a very good reason for failing to follow through on his promise to help Rachel find her mother.
He saw Shelby Corcoran about every other day. Educationally, she was his advisor and insisted that he continue working on routines with the rest of Vocal Adrenaline. Personally, she kept asking about Rachel's progress in finding her. He saw the ache behind the shields of her guarded brown eyes. It was omnipresent even though she tried to pretend otherwise. Still, he had to put his well-being first.
His form of punishment was frowned upon - though he didn't understand why - and he was aware that Shelby probably wouldn't react well to it. Well, maybe she would? He wasn't going to risk his place in Vocal Adrenaline to find out. There was nothing wrong with the way he decided to discipline the lesser partner in his relationship. His dad had said so. Why would his father teach him the wrong thing?
Next to him, Rachel tightened the muscles in her back to see how severe the pain was. It was still pretty damn bad. For the first time, the diva couldn't wait for Mr. Schue to stop excitedly babbling on about the week's lesson. All she wanted to do was go home and try to look for some lead on where to start looking for her mother. A thought struck her.
If Jesse didn't know about it, maybe Quinn could help her out.
Once the meeting ended, Jesse expectantly rose and turned to face her. She knew this would hurt his feelings. He was so sensitive about wanting to spend every moment with her and she found it sweet, but this was something that she needed to do. After quietly and hesitantly murmuring that she would be staying to rehearse, Jesse's eyes clouded before he strode out of the door with an unfeeling kiss on the cheek.
"Quinn?" The dress that said girl wore floated gracefully as she spun around with a bright grin. Rachel couldn't help herself. She stared at the fleeting perfection of the sight. The way that the normally unimpressive lighting of the chorus room hit Quinn's soft hair and glowing face only made the image more breathtaking. The diva, panicking, forced the thoughts from her head. It would be idiotic to entertain such notions while she was already in a loving relationship with the most talented male in New Directions.
"Rachel." Her hair framed her curious face just right as her head tilted to one side, waiting for whatever it was that the resident drama queen had to say.
"I have a clandestine proposal for you." Pulling herself to her full, diminutive height, Rachel continued on in a bold tone, "I am in need of assistance with a research project of vital personal importance. This is a task that must be kept only between the two of us, do you understand?"
Quinn's forehead creased slightly and she didn't seem to know whether to be concerned or flattered that Rachel had chosen her to help. Nevertheless, with a slow luminous smile, the former Cheerio agreed with a simple nod. An understanding passed between them, a mutual acknowledgment and confirmation of this secret operation they were embarking on.
On the inside, Rachel was feeling inexplicably happy about the set-up.
How strange.
Author: Effy (asutex)
Rating: R
Warnings: language, sexual situations, homosexuality, abuse
Disclaimer: Still don't own Glee. I will have my invisibly rainbow duckling lawyers of Quack & Associates get right on that.
Summary: To anyone else, it was just Rachel and Jesse. Rachel, the ignored beauty. Jesse, the arrogant dream man. Rachel Berry and her perfect boyfriend. The sight forced a frustrated sigh from Quinn's lips. She really hated Jesse.
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Rachel hurriedly swept down the hallway, arms wrapped around her books and holding them tightly to her chest. She kept telling herself that there was no cause for such worry. Jesse would understand why it had happened. He would. He was sweet and perfect and logical. There was nothing for her to be concerned about. He had just texted to say that he wanted to see her alone after school to discuss what had happened with Quinn.
Even though she couldn't find a reason for him to be upset - Quinn had, after all, accepted her flippant excuse - it was still possible that she missed something. Maybe there was some detail that proved that any anger on Jesse's part was warranted. What if she had screwed up again? The idea was entirely too possible, probable even, for her liking.
"Rachel, are you okay?" Quinn's voice was polished and sang with an unspoken note of something like nobility. It was so much more beautiful than her own. It always had been and forever would be. As much as it stung her to admit it, Quinn was also a good singer. The former Cheerio was smart, beautiful and charming.
Why was Jesse dating her again?
"Oh, that? It's just from an accident I had during my routine morning workout. I just didn't want it showing. It's a little embarrassing to hurt yourself doing something that you do every single day and night." Rachel hoped that her smile was convincing. More than that, she tried to pull her arm away slowly as to not draw attention to it. Jesse had been a little more careless that usual. She would have to mention that to him. The blob of discoloration that Quinn had seen was just a small part of it.
A smile like a brilliant star lit Quinn's face, causing her to glow in even the dim lighting of the bedroom. Then a soft laugh. It was familiar and yet a stranger. That same laugh had before been scathing and humorless; the laugh of cruelty and superiority. It had hurt every single time that she had been subjected to the harsh sound. It was different now. The laugh was warm and open. It wasn't trying to tear down the little self-confidence that remained. Instead, it was almost as if the room was a bit brighter because of the melodic sound.
Rachel found her mouth slightly open from the sheer shock of hearing such an incredible difference. Quinn's mouth was moving now, but the brunette found that she had no idea what the other was saying. A realization had just overwhelmed her.
Quinn Fabray's attempts at gaining her friendship were sincere.
"Rachel. Come here." The voice drew her in. It was as though it spoke directly to the muscles that controlled her legs because, without a second thought, her feet were carrying her over to her boyfriend. Much to her dismay, he did not look pleased to see her. The diva berated herself mentally, feeling uncharacteristically and genuinely angry at herself for not picking up on what her mistake had been.
"Jesse, I can explain." Rachel began, but her boyfriend cut directly to the source of his irritation.
"Why was Quinn in your room to begin with? More than that, why was she on your bed touching you at all?" Jesse's endearing possessive nature rose to the surface in full force. The implied accusation of his expression caught her off guard.
"I am certainly not interested in Quinn like that, Jesse... And I am also positive that Quinn Fabray would never want anything of that nature with-"
"Don't play innocent, you must know how she looks at you, Rachel." He had reigned in his temper and his voice had been replaced with one that was dripping with forced sweetness and laced with a dangerous thread of outrage.
Unfortunately, Rachel had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. She hadn't noticed Quinn looking at her in any particular way. The only difference that she had noticed was that the blond's hazel eyes were kinder and warmer when meeting her own. Rachel was honestly bewildered by the entire situation rolled out before her.
"Jesse, I hones-" A jolt of pain that she knew was completely deserved. They were still at school, so he couldn't be so open about his method of punishment. He told her that it was something that no one else would understand. She knew that to be true. No one else would understand their love. Her boyfriend's fingers tightened around her wrist, the force increasing steadily.
Rachel knew that Jesse was a very observant individual. He always proved that by popping up at her house bearing gifts and apologies for any pain he may have caused. Sometimes he would come over to her house when she wasn't even there. Dad and daddy both approved of him wholeheartedly because of his extravagant displays of affection. Once he had left beautiful lilies on every open surface in her room along with a note of sweet words and sincerest regrets about having to teach her a lesson.
"I think we should go somewhere so we can be alone, don't you, Rachel? We need to talk about this." Rachel could only respond with a muted nod, eyes lowering as an aura of self-loathing settled over her body. Jesse just smiled casually, releasing her arm to firmly wrap an arm around her waist. He pointedly ignored the slight wince that was elicited from his rough touch.
Jesse dropped her off at home about an hour later, sore and aching. She could almost feel the bruises forming on her back. This time, at least, the boy had been more careful with his area selection. It was more difficult to make excuses for injuries on her back and shoulder blades, but it was also easier to hide them from the rest of the world. During a change between two performances, Rachel had once been caught with her shirt off with a feeble explanation for a splash of purples and greens stretching across her ribcage. Luckily, it had only been Brittany who saw and, as far as she knew, the blonde had never made a mention of it to anyone.
Still, there had been a moment there when she thought that she saw something like pointed indignation in the blonde's eyes. Rachel could only assume that she had imagined it, because she never saw that look again. The cheery blond still gave off a sense of fluffy kittens, pink butterflies and happy rainbows. It was just her personality. Neither of them had ever spoken of that exchange. Neither of them even acknowledged that anything had happened. Still, a small part of her resented Brittany for seeing her body like that.
Rachel joined her dads for dinner, more than happy to partake in the meal that they had prepared. Rather, the meal that daddy had prepared. Dad couldn't even microwave food without burning it. Daddy, on the other, was an excellent cook and had taught her to maintain a healthy diet and to keep to organically raised produce and proteins as much as she could. Tonight, it was a delicious meal of vegetables and vegan-friendly pasta. It sounded awfully plain, but the right techniques and seasonings really did wonders for the taste.
Seeing and talking with her fathers lifted her spirit, but was only temporary.
As was customary after these punishments, Rachel found herself curled up on her bed. Her knees were tucked up against her chest, arms wrapped around them as she inexplicably stared at her wall. Her eyes weren't focused on anything in particular, just a randomly selected spot on the wall. This time, it happened to be her Annie poster. The position she sat in was uncomfortable and strained the new injuries to her back, the skin pulled tight there.
Before she fully realized what she was doing, Rachel found herself sliding the all too familiar tape around in her hands. She turned it over and over in her fingers, just gazing down at the precious object. It was her most valuable possession. A possession that she wasn't even supposed to have yet. Then the tape was back in her stereo and her finger pressing down on the play button.
A pause and then those words she so longed to hear spoken aloud, 'Hey, Baby...'
The tears started before she had a chance to realize what was happening. It immediately started her spiral downwards. God, why was she so stupid? She wouldn't blame Jesse if he ever wanted to break up with such an incompetent and thoughtless girl like herself. He could have anyone that he wanted. Most days, Rachel just thought that he was far too sweet to leave her for someone more worthy of his time and romantic efforts. She collapsed into herself, pressing her forehead into her knees as she sang softly.
It had been a few weeks and, though he initially seemed thrilled to help her find out who her mother was, Jesse's enthusiasm for the idea had died away. It was right around the time that he had been forced to start punishing her more frequently that he gave up on helping her. In fact, he seemed to have changed his mind about it even being a good idea. Rachel, on the other hand, had found that she couldn't just stop looking for the woman on the tape. It was too important that she find her mother. It was her dream.
The song ended, just as it always would. Again, her mother was gone. She was just out of reach; she was haunting Rachel with that voice of hers. The sixteen-year-old diva couldn't remember the last time that she was able to sleep through the night. Rachel would always awaken from the same dream that taunted her with a distant, ethereal woman singing to her. She would cry out, run on and on for what felt like miles until she felt every muscle quivering with exhaustion. Her hand would reach out, her fingers grasping desperately for her mother's outstretched arm.
Then she would find herself in her room, awake and very much alone.
Every day, her heart broke a little more when this happened.
It hurt that Jesse wouldn't help her, but she understood completely. Really, she did. He was a good guy, but he also had his own problems to deal with. He was busy with practicing for all of the solos that Mr. Schue gave him and dancing and participating in various other extracurriculars at school. It was only fair that he be able to do what he wanted without being held back by her silly need to do something that would probably never happen.
Quinn gave her that slow, sweet smile when they passed in the hallway to go to different classes. Rachel returned it without a second though but then Jesse's words rang in her ears again. Jesse was smart and perceptive, but he had to be wrong about this. Quinn had always been well-liked by their peers. Rachel, on the other hand, had always been less popular but it wasn't until fourth grade that people really started to genuinely hate her and her personality.
When she was in middle school, there had been a period of time during which she believed that she had some sort of feelings for the mean-spirited cheerleader. Rachel had been confused and had no idea what to do. With no one that she felt she could talk to about the subject - including her two dads because they were still of the opposite gender - Rachel just fought the emotions down into the depths, locked them away and forced herself to never revisit them ever again.
She moved to invite the girl down to sit with her and Jesse, but a sharp glare stopped her in her tracks. Instead, she ended up just sort of awkwardly waving before taking her designated place by her talented boyfriend. Unnoticed by Rachel, Jesse kept her focus on his girlfriend out of his peripheral vision.
He was not at all happy about this new interested that Quinn seemed to have in Rachel. His girl may not have noticed the looks, but Jesse definitely had. He had seen the former cheerleader watching the diva when she thought that no one else was looking. A rather boring way to discover such a thing.
Jesse was fully aware of the reason for the covered circles beneath Rachel's eyes. Her eyes seemed unfocused and vacant. It almost made him feel guilty until he remembered that men were never supposed to feel bad. The man comes first, the male children are next, the female children come after that, and the woman comes last. That was how relationships were supposed to work. He had a very good reason for failing to follow through on his promise to help Rachel find her mother.
He saw Shelby Corcoran about every other day. Educationally, she was his advisor and insisted that he continue working on routines with the rest of Vocal Adrenaline. Personally, she kept asking about Rachel's progress in finding her. He saw the ache behind the shields of her guarded brown eyes. It was omnipresent even though she tried to pretend otherwise. Still, he had to put his well-being first.
His form of punishment was frowned upon - though he didn't understand why - and he was aware that Shelby probably wouldn't react well to it. Well, maybe she would? He wasn't going to risk his place in Vocal Adrenaline to find out. There was nothing wrong with the way he decided to discipline the lesser partner in his relationship. His dad had said so. Why would his father teach him the wrong thing?
Next to him, Rachel tightened the muscles in her back to see how severe the pain was. It was still pretty damn bad. For the first time, the diva couldn't wait for Mr. Schue to stop excitedly babbling on about the week's lesson. All she wanted to do was go home and try to look for some lead on where to start looking for her mother. A thought struck her.
If Jesse didn't know about it, maybe Quinn could help her out.
Once the meeting ended, Jesse expectantly rose and turned to face her. She knew this would hurt his feelings. He was so sensitive about wanting to spend every moment with her and she found it sweet, but this was something that she needed to do. After quietly and hesitantly murmuring that she would be staying to rehearse, Jesse's eyes clouded before he strode out of the door with an unfeeling kiss on the cheek.
"Quinn?" The dress that said girl wore floated gracefully as she spun around with a bright grin. Rachel couldn't help herself. She stared at the fleeting perfection of the sight. The way that the normally unimpressive lighting of the chorus room hit Quinn's soft hair and glowing face only made the image more breathtaking. The diva, panicking, forced the thoughts from her head. It would be idiotic to entertain such notions while she was already in a loving relationship with the most talented male in New Directions.
"Rachel." Her hair framed her curious face just right as her head tilted to one side, waiting for whatever it was that the resident drama queen had to say.
"I have a clandestine proposal for you." Pulling herself to her full, diminutive height, Rachel continued on in a bold tone, "I am in need of assistance with a research project of vital personal importance. This is a task that must be kept only between the two of us, do you understand?"
Quinn's forehead creased slightly and she didn't seem to know whether to be concerned or flattered that Rachel had chosen her to help. Nevertheless, with a slow luminous smile, the former Cheerio agreed with a simple nod. An understanding passed between them, a mutual acknowledgment and confirmation of this secret operation they were embarking on.
On the inside, Rachel was feeling inexplicably happy about the set-up.
How strange.