A. humanity. small. drink. plea. pain. for. weekend. help.
SO it has been awhile since a regular update...
where to start. life is frustrating. such is always the case and will always be the case, hance life.
As of last last weekend I gave up all hope in humanity. And as of now I still think I mean it with my heart. I don't know what happened. I woke up, and i realized most everything is worthless. people as a whole, the opposite sex, the same sex, and myself. it was like a eureka.. a small moment of clarity.
I made it through the weekend. I made it through the week. I made it to now. I work alot. I go to school. good things happen. I get along just fine.
I drank this weekend. entirely too much. my arms hurt. my body hurts. alot of belligerence on my part. and plenty of "fuck you" statements tossed around. To the new people I met, well you saw me at my worst, so I can only improve your perception of me as time goes on I suppose.
I also expressed the previously mentioned giving up on the world quite a bit apparently.
I also asked someone to stomp on my throat while I was laying on the porch.
I'm not sure how serious I was at the time.
My writing has kinda hit a dead end lately... blah.
I did pass out with someone on my couch. how that happened I really have no idea.
Work is necessary. Money has become God in my life.. unfortunately both are still fairly elusive.
My mom at least supports my dream a little bit. she said she would front 5,000 if i took a business class or two and had a few people that were also serious about it to go in with me.
On the topic of dreams I had a wierd one Sunday afternoon.
It started out kinda 'zoomed in' so all i could see was me and this girl talking across from each other over a campfire. the conversation was fairly normal at first as far as i could tell, and things were fine. Eventually though there was a slight pause or something, and she looked at me and said "well we had a nice time, and the talk was good, but I think I've learned all there is to know from you, and that's how to fly." And I was shocked and tried to ask her something really quickly.. but then the dream scene moved out a little bit, and i could see that I was having this conversation with her on a ledge jutting out from a cliff face. And as i was about to ask her something.. she just leaned back and fell over the edge. I tried to lunge and catch her and went over the edge too. So there was a little bit of a freefall, and she opened her arms and wings appeared and she flew off. So I opened my arms, and I couldn't get wings to appear and i wondered how I taught anyone anything, and I just kept falling. And then I woke up.
Strange.
I don't know where this is going or what it all means. I think I'm just a bit confused and I think I may have hit the downward slope for a little bit.
"Death is not the greatest of evils; it is worse to want to die, and not be able to"-- sophocles
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold........
It's not nearly as bad as I would have you believe.
Good night world, good night moon, good night good night.. and on and on.
Be safe everyone
Jon
where to start. life is frustrating. such is always the case and will always be the case, hance life.
As of last last weekend I gave up all hope in humanity. And as of now I still think I mean it with my heart. I don't know what happened. I woke up, and i realized most everything is worthless. people as a whole, the opposite sex, the same sex, and myself. it was like a eureka.. a small moment of clarity.
I made it through the weekend. I made it through the week. I made it to now. I work alot. I go to school. good things happen. I get along just fine.
I drank this weekend. entirely too much. my arms hurt. my body hurts. alot of belligerence on my part. and plenty of "fuck you" statements tossed around. To the new people I met, well you saw me at my worst, so I can only improve your perception of me as time goes on I suppose.
I also expressed the previously mentioned giving up on the world quite a bit apparently.
I also asked someone to stomp on my throat while I was laying on the porch.
I'm not sure how serious I was at the time.
My writing has kinda hit a dead end lately... blah.
I did pass out with someone on my couch. how that happened I really have no idea.
Work is necessary. Money has become God in my life.. unfortunately both are still fairly elusive.
My mom at least supports my dream a little bit. she said she would front 5,000 if i took a business class or two and had a few people that were also serious about it to go in with me.
On the topic of dreams I had a wierd one Sunday afternoon.
It started out kinda 'zoomed in' so all i could see was me and this girl talking across from each other over a campfire. the conversation was fairly normal at first as far as i could tell, and things were fine. Eventually though there was a slight pause or something, and she looked at me and said "well we had a nice time, and the talk was good, but I think I've learned all there is to know from you, and that's how to fly." And I was shocked and tried to ask her something really quickly.. but then the dream scene moved out a little bit, and i could see that I was having this conversation with her on a ledge jutting out from a cliff face. And as i was about to ask her something.. she just leaned back and fell over the edge. I tried to lunge and catch her and went over the edge too. So there was a little bit of a freefall, and she opened her arms and wings appeared and she flew off. So I opened my arms, and I couldn't get wings to appear and i wondered how I taught anyone anything, and I just kept falling. And then I woke up.
Strange.
I don't know where this is going or what it all means. I think I'm just a bit confused and I think I may have hit the downward slope for a little bit.
"Death is not the greatest of evils; it is worse to want to die, and not be able to"-- sophocles
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold........
It's not nearly as bad as I would have you believe.
Good night world, good night moon, good night good night.. and on and on.
Be safe everyone
Jon