fuck.
I've just been really fucking depressed lately.
Like, way more than usual.
It's starting to really scare me. I cry so much now, too. Yeah I know, I used to cry all the time anyway. But more than normal, it can't be good. I'm so sensitive and I can't let go and I try not to hold grudges but sometimes things are just way to fucking awkward for me to let things be okay.
I try to be happy. I really do. I tried on Friday night. And on Saturday night. And last night at myf, I tried to laugh sometimes, when other people were laughing. It was so fake. I couldn't do it.
Today in dance I just ranted to people I barely know. And I felt like suck a fucking idiot for letting myself become so well known to these strangers. I told them how I've been depressed for 4 years. How I cry over everything. And how the braces have made me more depressed than I already am. And how I have the lowest self esteem and I don't like anything about myself. They probably all think I'm a freak now.
This has been physical, too. And that's all I'm gonna say about that.
I'm not happy.
I haven't been myself for the past 3 weeks or so.
I haven't been myself in longer than that, probably.
I'm changing for the worst and I don't like it.
I don't like who I am.
I'm not happy with the things I do.
The way I act.
The things I say.
The ways I feel.
I'm just not okay.
I'm not okay.