sick
I am getting a "cold", which is most likely going to turn into something nasty, since I am on my combo of immune system killers. I am scheduled for an infusion on monday, and if this is not better by then I have to cancel, and reschedule. This is the last of the most important doses. Of course my body would do this, it hates me:/
I feel like I am having a lupus flare, honestly. Or maybe it's an RA flare. I read that only 1 percent of people with lupus get an RA overlap. I should play the lottery considering all of the odds I have beaten with these autoimmune diseases! But I'm in pain, and I only have Ultram to kill the pain, and I know it's not even worth taking, because I get such bad side effects from it. I have to call my Pheumy in the AM to tell her I need Xanax again, because I am not sleeping, and that I think I am flaring. I thought I was making some progress, but it just goes to show that you never really beat this. I hate Lupus. I hate it when it begins to kick my ass like this. I hate that Since this is the second week of my prednisone weaning, that I may never be able to get off of it. I think this may be what this "flare" is about, and I didn't want to believe it, since I getting so big that I can't stand to look at myself naked. I can see the gloom and doom returning, and this is also the second week of not having my anti depressants, also. I suppose that I had better just get used to maybe never getting off of any of these poisons. This is my life and I have to deal, no matter what, right?
My sister had her baby via c section at 7:41 am, and I was at the hospital this morning, and thankfully I didn't get to witness the birth. I used to be able to handle blood and guts, but not anymore. Anyway, he is big, and so cute! I love babies!
My love life is retarded. My ex wants me to be his gf, but I am not into him anymore, and it sucks, because he would be perfect. I just feel absolutely nothing when I am with him. It's just not there anymore. I wish he could get that and get over it, also. We used to be really good friends and now, he can't be. My most current ex calls to tell me he misses me, and to invite to the Keys, but I need to get over and away from him. He is not ever going to want to settle down, and I still love him. I am done with men. Of course I always say that, but I mean it, i think.
I feel like I am having a lupus flare, honestly. Or maybe it's an RA flare. I read that only 1 percent of people with lupus get an RA overlap. I should play the lottery considering all of the odds I have beaten with these autoimmune diseases! But I'm in pain, and I only have Ultram to kill the pain, and I know it's not even worth taking, because I get such bad side effects from it. I have to call my Pheumy in the AM to tell her I need Xanax again, because I am not sleeping, and that I think I am flaring. I thought I was making some progress, but it just goes to show that you never really beat this. I hate Lupus. I hate it when it begins to kick my ass like this. I hate that Since this is the second week of my prednisone weaning, that I may never be able to get off of it. I think this may be what this "flare" is about, and I didn't want to believe it, since I getting so big that I can't stand to look at myself naked. I can see the gloom and doom returning, and this is also the second week of not having my anti depressants, also. I suppose that I had better just get used to maybe never getting off of any of these poisons. This is my life and I have to deal, no matter what, right?
My sister had her baby via c section at 7:41 am, and I was at the hospital this morning, and thankfully I didn't get to witness the birth. I used to be able to handle blood and guts, but not anymore. Anyway, he is big, and so cute! I love babies!
My love life is retarded. My ex wants me to be his gf, but I am not into him anymore, and it sucks, because he would be perfect. I just feel absolutely nothing when I am with him. It's just not there anymore. I wish he could get that and get over it, also. We used to be really good friends and now, he can't be. My most current ex calls to tell me he misses me, and to invite to the Keys, but I need to get over and away from him. He is not ever going to want to settle down, and I still love him. I am done with men. Of course I always say that, but I mean it, i think.