how to be alone
Mike showed me this video on youtube a few months ago. It came up because a friend was struggling to be on their own, and we were having a bit of a chat about it. Now that I am alone I watched it again. It is lovely. If you haven't seen it, watch it now:
I am not afraid of being alone. In fact, I often choose it... eating at weird hours in the project room with nothing but my thoughts and sometimes Physics Today. I enjoy quiet coffees and quiet nights in. But I like it best at home.
The past year and a half I have been traveling a lot. Although I worry about being alone, especially those first few days, that is not really the problem I have. I have trouble being away. Going to Germany, I met up with an old roommate, and although my hotel was across town from everyone else's, I had dinner partners. Here in DC, Roxane takes care of me, and there are a few people in the building I chat with throughout the day. Going home to a strange house for another month, however, is another story.
Although they stressed me out, geo field camps, field work and even Shad were different. There are lots of people around with the same purpose, and they're also away. In fact you spend more time with folks just because of that. Visiting lab work is an interruption in my life, while everyone else's is normal. That's the trouble. I enjoy reading more, having personal time, and working on some projects that I'd never do with Mike around: things one does when they are alone. What I struggle with is someone else's kitchen.... .someone else's bed and shower... these things are supposed to be mine while I am here, but they are not really. They aren't mine like calling a hotel bed, or shotgun or renting a place where you're going to be for months or years. In three weeks I will be gone, possibly never to be back, but for now I will sleep in floral sheets and sit at a rickety desk, video-chat with Mike and keep my food on the shelf labeled with my name. Those are the challenges for me - not being alone, but being away.
Click to viewI am not afraid of being alone. In fact, I often choose it... eating at weird hours in the project room with nothing but my thoughts and sometimes Physics Today. I enjoy quiet coffees and quiet nights in. But I like it best at home.
The past year and a half I have been traveling a lot. Although I worry about being alone, especially those first few days, that is not really the problem I have. I have trouble being away. Going to Germany, I met up with an old roommate, and although my hotel was across town from everyone else's, I had dinner partners. Here in DC, Roxane takes care of me, and there are a few people in the building I chat with throughout the day. Going home to a strange house for another month, however, is another story.
Although they stressed me out, geo field camps, field work and even Shad were different. There are lots of people around with the same purpose, and they're also away. In fact you spend more time with folks just because of that. Visiting lab work is an interruption in my life, while everyone else's is normal. That's the trouble. I enjoy reading more, having personal time, and working on some projects that I'd never do with Mike around: things one does when they are alone. What I struggle with is someone else's kitchen.... .someone else's bed and shower... these things are supposed to be mine while I am here, but they are not really. They aren't mine like calling a hotel bed, or shotgun or renting a place where you're going to be for months or years. In three weeks I will be gone, possibly never to be back, but for now I will sleep in floral sheets and sit at a rickety desk, video-chat with Mike and keep my food on the shelf labeled with my name. Those are the challenges for me - not being alone, but being away.