❀ sanguine; for skiextra

[astrongbreeze]

author: bringnsexsebaek
for: skiextra
title: sanguine
rating: r (for language and mentions of violence/sexual references, I guess?)
other pairings involved: slight!baekhyun/kyungsoo, slight!baekhyun/chanyeol, implied!luhan/jongdae
length: ~9.7k
summary: Sehun just moved to a new neighborhood. Kyungsoo (and others) live in the house next door. There always seems to be something strange going on at Kyungsoo's... Loud, unidentifiable noises, residents returning home extremely late, and the appearance of what couldn't be anything other than... blood. Needless to say, Sehun is curious and has nothing better to do than investigate further.
warnings: obviously there will be mentions of blood/injuries so just be prepared for that
notes: I have trouble coming up with titles. However, the title kind of has a double meaning… sanguine means to be optimistic or positive, particularly in a difficult situation. It also means blood-red.  Also, to my recipient... I apologize if this is not what you had in mind for this fic. I chose this prompt before realizing that maybe it was too hard for me... >~<



sanguine

One cigarette.
Two cigarettes.
Red on his
Blue shirt.

Sehun couldn’t quite figure out what it was… the red. On his shirt. What with the way it bloomed out from the collar and gradually grew in size like a ripple effect, and the way it peppered down the remainder of the fabric in odd arrangements… Ketchup, perhaps? It was difficult to tell, when the only light provided was that of the moon, and the passing cars that could just be made out between the thick cover of trees.

Who was he kidding. It couldn’t possibly be ketchup. Even if the man were to get ketchup on his shirt, it would have been such a minor amount that Sehun might not have even noticed it. But… this. This wasn’t ketchup. This didn’t cover an amusingly small area. No, this… this couldn’t be anything other than-

“Blood.”

Sehun sucked in a quick breath, stepping back from where he had been carefully positioned behind the curtains. It had been such a position that he could see them, but they could not see him in return. At least, that’s what he thought. Yet, this wasn’t the first time that he had been spying, and nothing had gone wrong up until this point, so he believed himself to be safe.

The third and final cigarette was stubbed out on the same shirt. Sehun supposed that the man was calling it a lost cause, which made sense when the space occupied by red surpassed that which was covered in the original color-blue.

“Blood?” The man turned to the other, who was hidden in the doorway, and who had interrupted his sequence of smoking-a sequence which Sehun had witnessed multiple times before. It was a scene that caused him to grow rather worried… about none other than a stranger.

After all, smoking was quite dangerous. And chain smoking? Chain smoking was even worse.

“I thought I told you to take care of it.” He flicked the stub over the railing, where it joined its brethren, decorating the otherwise unembellished lawn.

“Sir, I meant-” A hand moved into view, gesturing towards his shirt.

“Ah.” The man peeled the shirt away from his skin-ripped it-and allowed it to fall to the floor. The carelessness in his actions was also present in his tone of voice.

“Did you come out here for a reason, Yeol? I’m rather busy.” He tilted his head downwards, inspecting the exact spot that Sehun was also currently interested in.

While his chest did appear to be rather firm, what truly caught Sehun’s eye was how the same red was sticking to his skin, determined to be present somewhere on his body regardless of how many layers he discarded.

“Goddamn it.” Slim fingers made their way through matted hair. “You know I hate blood on my bare skin. Tell Baek I want to shower.”

“Alo-?”

“With him. Dumbshit.”

A moment of silence.

“Yeol?”

A warning.

“...On it.”

The patio door slipped closed. Silence, again. At least… when it came to spoken words. There were birds, chirping at such an odd hour. There was the light breeze in the trees. There were all of these conflicting thoughts moving throughout his mind, and they seemed so, so loud. Even though they were contained within his head. But he didn’t want to keep them locked up there, no, he wanted to let them out, he wanted to yell, he wanted to ask the man that lived beside him for months but whom he had had no contact with… wanted to ask him… what exactly was going on. Had gone on.

Was there an accident? Or… something intentional. A… murder?

Sehun leaned back, against the wall. He let himself sink down into the carpet, even though it wasn’t a plush one; it was the one that came preinstalled. Cheap. An ugly shade.
At least it wouldn’t show any signs of stains, if they were to be encountered.

Stains. Like… blood stains.

“Oh God.” He whispered, hands rising up to bury his face in. “Oh sweet, sweet God…”

This is the explanation for his neighbor’s strange behavior? Blood… Fights? He had heard many crashes and bangs earlier, but that didn’t necessarily denote violence. Sehun had thought that maybe… maybe his neighbor just occasionally had really rough sex?

He wished that were the case. But now that blood seemed to be involved, there arose cause for concern. Should he call the police? It truly could have been an accident, but Sehun couldn’t be sure-his neighbor didn’t seem to have sustained any injuries... but the lightning was not reliable enough to make any concrete assessment of the matter.

However, the entire exchange between his neighbor and the other man-Yeol?- seemed just off enough that he spent the remainder of his night dreaming up explanations (from the mildest to the darkest extremes) and recalling previous events that had already struck concern into his mind several times before.

Either way, Sehun was about to turn into that creepy neighbor that was always trying to pry into the private lives of others (or had he been that already?).

No one had ever said him to be smart.

~~~

Thunk. A sharp rise in his heart rate.

Thunk. One eye flutters open.

Thunk. The other follows.

”Fuck”.

It sounded like… someone was out… side?

Sehun stumbled out of bed, slipped on some sweatpants… stumbled some more. He actually hit the door with his shoulder before managing to open it, for his limbs were still in sleep mode. Another body automatically came into contact with his, knocking against the precise spot that had just been injured. Just as the f-word left his lips, it left the absolute stranger’s as well.

“Ffff… Fuck you, L-Luhan-you always fucking-lock me-out-”

Instinctively, Sehun had caught the man, pulling him in and out of the nighttime air. It wasn’t necessarily an intelligent move, but it also wasn’t a move that was under his conscious control. All he saw was a person in need of help, and all he could do was provide that help. Sehun slowly lowered the stranger to the floor, leaning him up against the door that he had kicked closed seconds prior.

“Uh… Hate to break it to you, buddy, but I’m not Luhan. Annnd… you’re not in the right place.”

Something incoherent made its way out of the man’s mouth, but the only other thing that followed it was a loud belch that crinkled Sehun’s nose.

“Allllrighty then.”

Now that the stranger found himself to be safe, he was already nodding off, disregarding the man whose property he was currently trespassing on.

“Just gonna… check your wallet, then.”

Kim Jongdae. His license showed… that… he lived next door? Would it be entirely uncouth to knock on their door at… whatever late hour it currently was? Sehun figured that the other residents would have been woken either way-when drunk, people don’t tend to be the quietest-so he decided to go through with the plan. He didn’t exactly want a complete stranger in his home, after all.

When he approached the house, however, he was immediately stopped in his steps. And not by a figure, either. His movement was restricted by the mere sound of a voice. A rather threatening, dangerous one.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Now was when the figure appeared, but it was still somewhat confined to the shadows, and it made Sehun feel incredibly anxious incredibly fast.

“I-um. One of your roommates, he’s-” Sehun inwardly cursed himself, releasing a cough in hopes of also releasing some of the anxiety currently manipulating the tone of his voice. “In my house.”

When there was no response for several seconds, Sehun tacked on an additional detail. “Drunk.”

Another moment of silence. Then, the softest sound of movement. The man was in front of him, now, and he spoke in a much more polite way. “Sorry for the trouble, neighbor.”

Sehun had to stifle a laugh. Just a minute ago, he was wondering if he should feel afraid. But here the man stood, at a height lower than his own, youthful and with a seemingly innocent face. His eyes seemed to hold only purity-Sehun honestly believed that they had never witnessed any sort of wrongdoing.

“It’s Sehun, actually.” A smile was exchanged. Sehun momentarily blanked on how strange it actually was for his neighbor to just be… standing around in the dark, alone, at such an hour.

Instead, his mind was filled with slight regret-he recalled the day he had moved in, only a few weeks ago. Generally, it was proper etiquette for other neighbors to come greet the new ones, not the other way around. But when it had come to the house next door, not a single resident had stopped by. And it wasn’t often that any of them hung around outside, either. It was highly unlikely to run into each other. All of this genuinely made Sehun very sad, for he was rather lonely and had yet to meet many people.

“Oh! I’m Baekhyun.”

Unsurprisingly, the conversation ended there, because they had already made it to Sehun’s door. Jongdae was still where Sehun had left him, on the floor with a pillow tucked under his head. It was a slight bit of comfort that likely went unappreciated, for Jongdae was currently occupied with nothing other than drooling on the patterned tiles.

Baekhyun merely snorted, fingertips pushing through some of his hair. “Of course.” Then, more so under his breath: “This dumbass.”

“Uh. Need some help?” Sehun hated himself for asking, but there had been an awkward pause, and really he just wanted the passed out dude out of his house so he could-hopefully-pass out himself, for who knows how long.

Baekhyun merely nodded with a kind smile, and together they lifted and transported a man that seemed entirely too heavy despite having such a slim body. Sehun left them at the door, for he could detect a sort of uncertain air around Baekhyun and he didn’t want to pass any boundaries. If his neighbor was uncomfortable with him coming inside, then he wouldn’t press the issue.

However, it made him wonder exactly why he was so uncomfortable with the idea.

~~~

A few more weeks passed. Nothing too strange had caught Sehun’s interest-apparently the residents next door were keeping a relatively low profile for the time being.

His mood was also at an all-time low. Normally, he despised drinking. Alcohol is bitter and hard to swallow, just like a certain other substance that he was just now realizing he had gone without for quite some time. Ultimately, his goal was to encounter both in the same night. He was lonely in every sense of the word, and if he couldn’t find friendship, he was at least going to find closeness with someone or other, sooner or later.

It would have to be later. Sehun ended up so drunk that he barely remembered his address, causing his taxi driver a great deal of frustration. He stumbled in through the door and collapsed against it, similarly to how Jongdae had many a night before.

Sehun laughed, a laugh that was far more sour than any drink he had consumed that evening. He wasn’t any better. In fact, he was likely worse off. At least Jongdae had friends that were willing to escort his drunk ass home-even if home was only a few feet away.

He crawled over to the kitchen, managed to get some water in a glass. The task of taking the water into the living room proved to be even more difficult, but he accomplished that one as well. He leaned against the wall, under the window. Peered up and out of it, over at the house that still remained such a mystery to him. It was well-kept. Freshly painted, grounds maintained and green with life. Yet, Sehun’s blurred vision focused in on one thing in particular-red.

He remembered red. The red on the man’s shirt, on his chest. Now it was making an appearance on something even firmer than a chest-glass. The glass of a window, to be exact.

Sehun lifted his head somewhat. Much too quickly, in fact. He felt a rush, almost couldn’t see what was causing a sickening feeling to arise in his stomach. Not that he felt as if he had been the epitome of good health beforehand, mind you, seeing as the alcohol was just begging to leave his system.

It came into sight again. Red. This time, it wasn’t on blue. It decorated the surface like window paint, in small streaks and splotches. Even if it were meant to come out as some sort of picture, it didn’t. It wasn’t a piece of art in any way, shape, or form.

If nothing else, it was certainly disturbing. It caused Sehun to let out those acidic laughs again, throwing him into a hysterical state. Or maybe it was the alcohol. Hell if he knew, hell if he cared. The one thing he did know was that he was frightened, and that he was seconds from going unconsciou-

~~~

It was already the following evening. Sehun had suffered through a lot. Drinking was not worth the hangover that followed, that was for sure.

He felt a bit better now. Well enough, in fact, to venture outside, in the dark, once it seemed like his neighbors were all sleeping. He wanted to see if there was still blood on the window, or if that had been his mind playing tricks on him. For, when he had awoken that afternoon, the first thing that he had thought to do was peer outside his own window and check to see if he was mistaken. From that distance, the results were inconclusive. It seemed to have been cleared away, or perhaps it had never even existed in the first place.

But what had he got to lose? It wasn’t like he had a good relationship with those who lived there. Baekhyun had seemed relatively friendly, but also just the slightest bit… off. But that was one of many, and none of any had attempted any contact with him, aside from the polite response to his “hello”s before shutting the door behind them.

His footfalls were mostly silent, for there was rarely anything keeping his shoes from making direct contact with the grass. No sticks, no leaves… nothing.

His fingers pressed against the glass, mirroring what was potentially the handprint of another. The splotches and streaks appeared to be faded, possibly scrubbed away at and then forgotten; maybe there had been another “mess” demanding more attention and assistance. Nevertheless, the color was unmistakable, even in the night, even if there wasn’t much of it.

Relentless red ruining a rudimentary wish to be welcomed and wanted.

He tried to glimpse something, anything that the view through the window would provide. It was too dark. The only light was coming from…

A different window. The window of a room that had also been dark just seconds before.

Sehun flattened himself against the building, rapid movement of his eyes taking in all of his surroundings, repeatedly, watching for any sign of movement. He slipped down into the cover of the grass, which didn’t actually provide much in the way of reducing visibility, for it had been mowed recently.

Shit. No one knew he was out here… right? It was too late, too dark, and he was too quiet. He had even deliberately avoided the motion sensor light that guarded the porch.

There must have been something else that had exposed him… but how?

Something pressed down into the center of his back, pushing out a gasp that would have left him regardless.

“What are you doing here?” It wasn’t Baekhyun’s voice. It was the voice of the man who seemed to smoke more often than not. The voice of the man who hated blood on his skin. A soft, soothing voice that simultaneously invoked peace and panic.

“Wa-I was just walk-” Sehun was struggling beneath him, but somehow, the full weight of the man was bearing down on and immobilizing him. He cursed his ineptitude as he felt pressure on a second part of his body-in the place where his neck met his shoulder.

A pressure point. Capable of rendering him unconscious.

Sehun, however, was lacking this bit of information. He remained there, concerned and confused, until he was no longer capable of questioning the current situation he was unfortunate enough to find himself in.

Until he was no longer capable of functioning at all.

~~~

“Was it really necessary to do that?” While the tone of voice was identifiable-slight irritation-the speaker was not.

“He was snooping around, Luhan, you know boss doesn’t tolerate that shit.”

“But he’s not a fucking rival, Jongdae, he’s just a normal guy. We can’t even be sure if he was really “snooping” or just in the wrong place at the wrong time...”

Sharp footfalls interrupted the conversation, however brief it may have been. Sehun remained unmoving; kept his eyes shut and his breathing as natural as possible. However, he strained to hear everything clearly, whether it be a spoken word or the softest, slightest of movements.

The footsteps ceased a few feet to the left of him. His breathing faltered for a second before lapsing back into its previous pattern. This was not uncommon for someone lost in slumber, so Sehun thought himself to be safe-for now.

“He did exactly as Jongdae said.”

Sehun recognized this voice for certain. It was the last thing he had heard before passing out, and now his breathing changed in rhythm once more-it increased in pace, and he feared that the man was watching him, able to detect that he was actually awake.

“He saw the blood.”

There was a sigh. Sehun believed that it came from Luhan, for the sound had originated from the man’s position.

“There are endless possible explanations for that. I’m sure he wouldn’t have done anything after seeing it, and if he had asked about it, we could have made up some story. You’re too uptight, sometimes, you know? What if you fucked things up?”

Then came one of those silences. Threatening, although not a single word was spoken.

“What if I fucked things up? Luhan, I’m sure you are well aware of who failed to clean up after himself. I know you like to drag things out sometimes. Sure, yeah, if the guy’s a total fucking asshole, maybe make him suffer a little bit. Why not? But if you’re not going to make sure everything is taken care of, then you don’t have that right. I’ll give someone else that privilege, next time.”

The front of his boot pressed into Sehun’s side, momentarily pushed his body partially over, so he was facing one of the walls rather than the ceiling.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I’ll talk to him. I’ll make him understand.”

“You’re not going to-”

“No, Jongdae, I’m not going to fucking kill him.”

He retracted his foot. Sehun’s back returned to the floor-somewhat harshly, in fact. It pulled a grunt of pain from his very much awake self, and he squeezed his eyes shut just that much tighter, felt worry rise in his stomach just that much higher.

“Out. Both of you.”

The same boot prodded at his still (not exactly still) form as soon as the room had otherwise emptied out.

“You can sit up, now.”

Sehun didn’t dare to move.

“I know you’re awake, now sit. Up.”

The next time some part of the man came into contact with Sehun, it was much gentler-a light press of a fingertip into his side.

“There’s no need to be afraid.” His voice was at that same soft timbre as it was some time before, when Sehun had actually had very much reason to be afraid. He still believed that there was reason to be afraid, now, but the gentleness in both touch and voice encouraged him to do as told. Sitting up, his eyes slowly opened, taking in the sight of the man he had watched from afar (if one house away could be considered far) many times before. This was the closest the two of them had ever been.

“I’m Kyungsoo.” The man seemed much kinder now, than when he had been speaking-if “speaking” could even be considered the right word to use, in that case-with Luhan.

Sehun didn’t respond, he just observed. Thus, Kyungsoo took it upon himself to further the conversation.

“And you’re Sehun.”

Before Sehun came across as a total idiot by asking how the man-Kyungsoo-knew his name, he recalled that he had already provided it to Baekhyun, quite some time before. Then again, he wouldn’t be surprised if Kyungsoo knew things he didn’t normally tell others. Such as a last name, hometown, places he frequented… things of that nature. He just got this… vibe that Kyungsoo was the type of man to know anything and everything, with the ability to use those things to his advantage.

Whether that advantage also benefitted the person in question was not something that Sehun could be as certain of. Whether Sehun was in a good or a bad situation was not something he could be certain of, either.

For now, he was leaning more towards it being a bad situation.

“You know, you're allowed to speak. You're allowed to do whatever you want to, actually.”

Kyungsoo sat back against something-a sack, of some sort-one leg propped up and supporting his left elbow, and the other sprawled out in front of him. If he moved his right foot in any way, it would press against Sehun’s knee.

“It's your God-given right. Autonomy.” His fingers seemed to play with something in his pocket. Judging by the outline, it appeared as if it could be a box of cigarettes. Sehun found himself focusing on that rather than the man's face, displeasure showing on his own.

“If you were to get up, right now, and leave? I wouldn't stop you. Neither would my men. You haven't wronged them, and you haven't wronged me. Yeah, sure, you looked around a bit. Kind of bothersome. But I have no other reason to keep you here.”

Sehun sat there. He just sat, and listened, and grew even more confused with each word that left Kyungsoo’s lips. His actions weren't matching up with his claims. Kyungsoo had fucking knocked him out. Sure, it had been painless. Sure, it hadn't left him any worse for wear (unless you take into account his current mental state). But he had physically done something to his body, that he hadn't consented to. Kyungsoo had rendered him unconscious, and then taken him (not of his own free will) into his home. And now he was talking about autonomy? Like Sehun had a right to make his own decisions, do as he wished, with no fear of repercussions? It was completely contradictory. Thus, Sehun said so. He took the massive onslaught of thoughts and wrapped them up into a smaller version, a version that was now transformed into speech.

“How-” Sehun inwardly cursed at the roughness overtaking his voice. It had been too long since water had entered his system. He coughed, then continued. “How can you say that, when your actions from yesterday completely negate everything coming out of your mouth?”

He laughed, incredulously. “Are you fucking serious? Are you playing mind games with me? Oh, I'm free to walk around, do as I wish. You physically overpowered me. You dragged me into this house. Does that sound like autonomy to you? I didn't choose this.”

His hand went to his hair, smoothing it down in an effort to distract and calm himself. “But now I have a choice. Explain that to me.”

Their roles had reversed. Kyungsoo was silent the entire time he was speaking, patiently observing, likely learning things about Sehun merely from facial expressions and fluctuations in his tone of voice.

“I'll explain everything to you, if you're willing to stay to hear it.”

“If I'm ‘willing’.” Sehun scoffed, quietly, took a moment to compose himself before meeting Kyungsoo’s eyes. “Yeah. Okay. Go on.”

A cigarette was now in Kyungsoo’s hold. He twisted it around in his fingers, probably unaware that he was even doing it.

“When I'm threatened, when I'm angry… That's when I lose control, sometimes, Sehun.” He tapped the cigarette against the floorboards. “I wasn't fully aware of who you even were at first. All I saw was a threat. We've been having some trouble lately… Jongdae got involved with the wrong guys. Some of my own have already suffered injuries. I don't take any sort of risks.”

A small sigh, the subtlest sign that Kyungsoo actually was under a great deal of stress. It was visible in other ways-puffy eyes. Minor flakiness of his skin. Deeper lines around his lips and his brows than could be considered normal.

Sehun didn't really realize he had been staring until he looked directly into those stirring eyes-which had already been looking directly into his own. He started, not just by the unexpected eye contact but also because of the depth of emotions he had just witnessed. He couldn't separate them, pull them apart and determine what each was-whether it be sadness, curiosity, desire (for power, of course)-for they were all mixed together. And, in doing so, they increased in strength. It was too overwhelming to view… Kyungsoo was being too open with him.

“Why?”

“Why what?” Kyungsoo rose, dusted off his attire. Offered a hand, so Sehun could do as he had.

It was accepted. They stood face to face. Sehun forced himself to maintain eye contact, trying to make sense of whatever Kyungsoo was showing him by way of expression.

“Why are you telling me this? Why are you being so patient, so… honest?”

Kyungsoo paused, the lines in his face more prominent, now, as he formulated the exact response he deemed necessary.

“Because I want you to trust me. To understand. And, perhaps, in doing so, I will come to trust you. I can't let anything happen to my family, and you are too curious for our own good.”

His cigarette resumed its movement from finger to finger.

“Let's go on the veranda.”

Sehun snorted. “So you can smoke that? No thank you.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes flashed. “I was going to offer you one.”

“I quit a year or so ago.” Sehun licked his lips, hesitating before deciding to continue. “You know, I'm not exactly sure what kind of stuff you're caught up in, but I'm sure you have enough things to worry about, without that.”

Kyungsoo looked at him, really looked at him, before letting out a short-lived laugh. “Are you… Are you actually scolding me right now?”

Sehun’s eyes narrowed, not appreciating being laughed at, but he nodded nevertheless.

“I'm sure I'll die before cancer can take me out, don't worry.” Another laugh, accompanied with a shake of his head.

He turned serious, his lips set in a firm line. “I won't blow smoke your way. Now come on, you could use some fresh air. I'll have Chanyeol bring you out some water. And if you're hungry, we can eat afterwards.”

Kyungsoo began to walk, glancing over his shoulder when he didn't hear any following footsteps. “If you want to know any more, you'll come with me.”

Sehun took a deep breath.

He followed.

~~~

Sehun couldn't concentrate on the meal in front of him, even though he could see Baekhyun’s eager face out of the corner of his eye, waiting for some comment on how the food he had made turned out. It was just pancakes and freshly cut fruit, but it almost seemed as if Baekhyun had gone through some elaborate preparations to create some even more elaborate dish, what with the way he was bouncing in his seat.

He was a member of the fucking mafia, for God's sake, and he was intent on knowing how his cooking had turned out.

Sehun actually smiled down at the hot cakes, finding it all to be quite amusing (although it was still somewhat of a shock. Yet, judging by what he had heard that morning, it shouldn't actually be surprising whatsoever). Well, who said those in the mafia couldn't lead relatively normal lives? If they wanted to bake, let them bake.

Bakehyun. Sehun choked on a mouthful as he struggled to hold back a laugh. He didn't voice the joke, because surely it must have been used thousands of times by now (also, it was the type of joke best suited in written form, not verbalized).

He also had no idea whether the men seated around him were the joking types or not.

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol’s hand came down on his back. Hard. While a bit painful, it was effective, and Sehun nodded before downing some milk to wash the rest of the syrupy breakfast down.

“Of course he's not okay; this shit is terrible.” Jongdae stuck his tongue out at Baekhyun, and the latter immediately stood and began to shout at him.

“Make your own damn food then, lizard!”

Sehun could tell that this sort of exchange had already occurred many a time before.

Luhan was now on his feet as well. “Don't call him lizard, asswipe!”

Kyungsoo set down his fork. His fingers came to rest on either side of the bridge of his nose. Sehun watched as he inhaled, slowly. Exhaled, even slower.

They're practically children. Kyungsoo had said, halfway through his second cigarette. His voice was rather fond, much to Sehun’s surprise. But they were forced into this life, and now there's no getting out.

Sehun had remarked that that couldn't possibly be true, but his words had sounded empty even to himself. Yet, it hadn't necessarily been a false claim. There was always hope for it.

Now, as he joined them at their table, he saw them as a normal group of friends. Living together, rising together, baking together… eating together…

Killing together. Sehun froze, fork partway to his mouth. He hated himself, for letting his mind return to that point. Yet, it was a major one. One he couldn’t possibly forget, despite how normal the situation appeared to be, for the time being.

By this point, Chanyeol was hoisting Luhan out of the room, insults gradually fading away as the two got further from the table.

“Your pancakes are really good, Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo spoke in a very quiet voice, effectively silencing those who still remained in the room. “Don’t mind Jongdae and Luhan, they’re having some relationship troubles lately.”

Jongdae spit out the food that had been in his mouth, eyes rather wide and focused on his boss, who was calmly cutting his meal into small, easily manageable pieces. “Excuse you, I just fucked a girl last week-”

“Still doesn’t make you straight.” Baekhyun pointed at Jongdae with his fork before letting out a satisfied laugh.

“Takes one to know one, and you’re not one.”

“Well, no, I’m not.” Baekhyun shrugged, smirking at Kyungsoo.

Of course, this is at the exact moment that Chanyeol is re-entering the room. Sehun is sure that he is the only one to catch that quick flash in his eyes-was it anger?

All he knew was that it wasn’t a very positive emotion.

Sehun gave an awkward cough. “Well, uh… food was good. It was nice to meet you all. But I’d better get home so I can return to my work.”

Sehun believed he was blessed in that his job allowed him to work from home. Things might change in the near future-hence his move-but even then, most of the time, he could work from the comfort of his living room. However, he had started to welcome the idea of working somewhere else, for he craved more human interaction. Yet… maybe he had found a solution for that desire; the solution being the people sitting around him.

He snorted, imperceptibly, quite entertained by the fact that his first real friends in the neighborhood might actually be none other than the mafia. Maybe it was best to distance himself, but as a matter of fact, they all seemed to be just… normal people. He couldn’t come up with a good enough reason to stop this before it had started. It’s not like they posed a threat to him, if anything, they would better his life.

“What sort of work do you do, Sehun?” Luhan was leaning against the doorframe, expressing genuine curiosity. As he looked around him, Sehun realized that everyone else seemed relatively interested as well.

It was a nice feeling.

“Oh, um… I’m a translator? I mostly just upload stuff online, but I might get involved with in-person translating in the future…”

“What language?”

Sehun turned towards Kyungsoo. “Japanese. That’s what my mother is, and so I grew up learning two languages. I also know a little bit of French, from high school, but it isn’t really good enough to be useful.” A soft laugh.

Luhan smiled. “That must be nice. I know several languages as well, so I could do that. But... “ His smile faded. “I didn’t go to school for very much of my life. I’m not a desirable candidate.”

Sehun couldn’t do anything other than allow the frustration he was feeling to show on his face. He inhaled just as slowly as Kyungsoo had minutes before, and made eye contact with Luhan.

“You do know you can do anything you put your mind to, right? I kind of doubt being a translator is your dream, but… whatever your dream is… you can do it.”

No one spoke. Sehun cursed himself, internally, wondering if he made a mistake. Wondering if he was only showing how much knowledge he was truly lacking.

He shook his head, a self-deprecating smile on his lips. “Sorry if that seems.... Cheesy. Or whatever.”

Someone coughed, breaking the silence. Jongdae leaned forward, a mischievous glint in his eyes that was impossible for Sehun not to notice.

“Sooooo, Sehun. Are you… single?”

This question earned him a whack to the head, courtesy of Luhan.

“I thought you were straight.” Sehun blinked in confusion, and it was now Baekhyun’s turn to snort.

“Straight, my ass.”

“Oh, I’m not asking for myself.”

“Who… are you asking for, then?” Sehun felt himself growing a bit warm, a bit uncomfortable. He should have actually left when he said he was going to.

“Oh, that’s not important. So, are you, or aren’t ya?”

“I am…” Sehun stared down at the remnants of his breakfast, pushing the last few scraps around with his fork. “I mean, I haven’t really met many people since I’ve been here. And I moved too far for anyone to visit me. And long-distance isn’t really my thing. Too hard.”

“Hmmmm. I’ve got another question for you-”

“Shut up, Jongdae.” Kyungsoo spoke extremely quietly, no amusement in either his tone or expression. “You’re not setting him up with anyone. You’re not dragging him into this life, and everyone you know is involved with it.”

“But he’s eating breakfast with us. In our house. Don’t you think he’s already involved?”

Kyungsoo pushed back from the table, immediately pulling Sehun’s chair out as well. “Come on Sehun, I’ll walk you back.”

Sehun neglected to point out that the “walk” back would last only about 30 seconds or so.

No one verbally said goodbye, but there were small smiles and a few waves. Sehun figured they didn’t want to worsen the bad mood Kyungsoo was already in.

“You don’t have to come over ever again if you don’t want to.” Kyungsoo whispered, once they were standing outside Sehun’s door. “I understand that our lives are completely different, and that yours is a safe one whereas ours is always filled with caution. I can never go anywhere without my eyes constantly checking my surroundings and my gun secured to my hip. We’ve… lost people. Before. It’s best not to get too attached.”

The fingers of his left hand fixed a few stray locks of his hair. “That’s why I got upset, when Jongdae started asking personal questions. I don’t want you to get too involved, even friendship-wise, because if… something were to happen to any of us… I just. I can’t know, as of yet, if you’d be strong enough to handle it.”

“I do like you, Sehun.” Kyungsoo continued, ignoring the fact that Sehun wasn’t speaking. All that mattered was that the other man was listening. “I would like to be your friend. But I don’t wish to endanger you in any way, and I’m sure the others feel the same.”

A gentle smile, a vulnerable one. “It’s ultimately your decision. You’re always welcome to stop by, but until that point, we will leave you be. I apologize for the way we first…” A short laugh. “Met.”

Sehun cracked a smile at that. “Just give me a little bit to process everything. I guess… I don’t know the full extent of what you guys do, but… I’m curious enough to find out?”

Sehun was the only one left smiling. “Don’t befriend me merely out of curiosity, Sehun. Weigh the pros and cons, and then decide.”

Kyungsoo left before Sehun could really think of anything more to say. He tried to focus on his work that night, but his thoughts were lost in translation, hijacked by the lengthy conversation he had had earlier that day.

He didn’t understand why Kyungsoo had been so open, so honest with him. And he didn’t understand why had done the same thing in return.

~~~

The next times that Sehun saw all of them, it went extremely well. Nothing ever happened that even so much as hinted at their lifestyle, all that they did when Sehun was absent, unless you counted the obvious-faint outlines of weapons under their clothes, the fast reaction times, things of that sort.

Sehun deluded himself into thinking that he could have a normal, healthy relationship with all of them. But after those few initial times, he became more aware. That, or they grew less cautious, didn’t bother to hide as much.

Jongdae would come out of the bathroom, blood still exiting from a deep gash somewhere on his body. A casual conversation would ensue-he was “thirsty as hell” and needed a little alcohol before he continued with cleaning himself up.

Luhan would clean his guns in front of him. That, or he would disassemble them only to tinker with and improve them before putting them back together.

They didn’t immediately halt a conversation just because Sehun walked inside. They’d continue it, with no inhibitions, allowing Sehun to be informed on things that were of a rather sensitive nature. After a time, they began to include him in it, explaining what certain terms meant or taking each plan apart to describe it step by step, so Sehun could comprehend exactly what they were planning on doing.

The “happy family” that he had thought he had seen was more of an infrequent thing. Generally, there was arguing-not simple teasing. Serious exchanges of words, glances, etcetera. Injuries, of all sorts, that Sehun took it upon himself to tend to (as best as he could), for he had been involved in all sorts of classes pertaining to medicine and healing. Up until partway through university, that is, when he realized that becoming a doctor had been his parents’ idea and not his all along.

Granted, it was still clear how much they all cared about each other, whether through actions or words, but it was a rare occurrence when Baekhyun actually got an opportunity to bake, and when everyone actually happened to be there so that they could partake in the meal. Sometimes, they did things such as have a “family game or movie night,” but even then, Sehun felt the unease around them all, an unease that was steadily growing in intensity.

Sehun knew there would come a time when something truly catastrophic would happen, knew that the tension between them and another group was only worsening. The injuries were growing more frequent, and more severe. And Sehun was beginning to question whether getting involved had actually been the best idea.

Because, when he looked around him, all he saw were people playing a role. Sometimes, it seemed like they were tough guys pretending to be normal, silly, young men without any worries in the world. Yet, other times, it seemed like they were just a group of close friends with inside jokes that pretended to be serious, ruthless, unforgiving, and unafraid.

He figured it was a mix of both, but deep down he knew which role was the one they all actually wanted to fulfill.

None of them liked this life. Sure, there were times where it was rather invigorating, possibly an outlet for pent-up emotions and pain, but they all preferred the moments where they were safe (they were never safe) and content and comfortable at home, with each other. Home was a place where “work” still existed and poisoned the atmosphere, but home was where a little bit of hope and happiness was allowed to slip in and dilute that poison.

Yes, with time, Sehun was more accepted and essentially added into the group. But, in addition to that, he grew closer with one person in specific, one person individually.

This one person was none other than the leader of the mafia itself.

Kyungsoo had told him of the time that he had tried to reveal some of his vulnerability, some of his feelings to Baekhyun. He had only received an awkward laugh, and all of his words were instantly reduced to nothing.

You can’t have those sorts of worries, boss. You have to be strong for all of us, you know? Don’t show this weakness anymore.

Kyungsoo knew that Baekhyun wasn’t trying to be insensitive. If they hadn’t been involved in this life, then it was probable that he would have listened. Baekhyun was right. It wasn't likely he could survive in this sort of position if he was weak. He had shown weakness merely by admitting this to Sehun, but Sehun had understood. He had understood, and he had explained that it was impossible, absolutely impossible to not ever have any sorts of feelings, doubts, or thoughts that some may consider “weak”.

He had offered himself to Kyungsoo. Not in a sexual way, but in a supportive way. Kyungsoo put on that tough front, 24/7, even when everyone else let theirs down.

And Sehun sat beside Kyungsoo, alone, in the dark. Late at night. Listening to anything and everything.

I don't want you to get too involved.

What a joke. Sehun was deeper than he ever thought he would be.

On the anniversary of someone's death, Kyungsoo had shown up at his home. Sehun had invited him into his bed, allowed Kyungsoo to hold him as he hugged him back in return. Sehun stayed awake for a few hours, despite how unbearably comfortable the position was and how desperately his body was trying to sleep. He stayed awake. He heard Kyungsoo out, heard him recall moments shared with the deceased member.

And about ten or twenty minutes in, Sehun scratched an itch on his face and startled when his fingers came back damp. He suddenly realized that tears were leaving his eyes, but not many, and at a very slow speed.

Sehun pulled back a little, rested his hand on Kyungsoo’s cheek. It was much damper, and Sehun discovered that it was both his and Kyungsoo’s tears on his skin, mixing together in miniature pools of suffering. Sehun felt for him. He felt for Kyungsoo, and he even felt for a man he had never known.

He realized something else at that moment, something more important than the fact that he was crying. He realized that what he felt for Kyungsoo went deeper than just mere sympathy. It was the desire to make him happy, by any means necessary. It was the desire to risk anything, as long as Kyungsoo was guaranteed happiness.

What he felt for Kyungsoo… It was more than friendship, but less than love. Yet, he feared that it would develop further. If he were smart, he would have gotten out then and there.

But he wasn't smart. He was stupidly falling for Kyungsoo, stupidly risking his heart and his sanity and his safety, all because he believed that he was able to improve Kyungsoo’s life, if even just a little.

Kyungsoo had grown dependent on him, at least when it came to revealing things, deep and intimate things that he shared with nobody else. And Sehun found himself doing the same. By offering up these defenseless parts of themselves, by offering each other affection and support, they had developed a strong relationship.

Sehun couldn't just break it off. It was something he had longed for, for longer than he could remember. Maybe it wasn't the best person, or best situation to be in. But it had just happened. He hadn't picked this. This was how life went.

Something else life did was change things when least expected, potentially even when the person is least prepared. Life was a bitch, and this was a phrase that Sehun found himself repeating in his head, for upwards of half an hour, merely a week after he had admitted his feelings to himself.

~~~

“Sehun. Sehun, we need you. Sehun. Sehun!”

Sehun shot up in bed, cursing at the pain and dizziness that accompanied the rapid ascent.

His phone was buzzing insistently a foot or so away, and voices were drifting up through his cracked window, just as urgent and just as loud. Sehun answered the phone, fumbling with the window as he tried to keep the device in hold.

“What is it?” He shouted, trying to reach both parties simultaneously.

It was the person on the other end of the line that answered.

“It's Kyungsoo. We need you to come down, now. Like… Now, now.”

Chanyeol sounded as if he were almost in tears, which shocked Sehun because he generally seemed to be the most composed of the group (discounting Kyungsoo, of course).

Sehun dropped the phone without even dropping the call first. He almost took a tumble down the stairs, for his feet were moving too fast for him to even keep track of them. The door was flung open, and he was met with three men struggling to hold a fourth.

One was missing-Jongdae-but Sehun didn't bother to comment on it, for his mind was already on another topic entirely… Kyungsoo.

He couldn't tell where the blood ended and the man began. A strangled laugh left his lips as he recalled that night, the night that he had spied (not that he would admit he had been spying) on him, and had heard him mention how much he hated blood on his skin. Now it seemed as if his skin was more blood than clear, and he supposed it was a good thing Kyungsoo was passed out, for he would be cursing nonstop if he had been conscious.

Except it wasn't actually a good thing that Kyungsoo was passed out, for he appeared to… almost be dead, actually, and this freaked Sehun out more than he had ever believed to be possible. He had never felt this amount of fear in his entire life, and he had been in more than enough terrifying situations.

“Bring him inside.” he croaked, immediately swiping his arm across the dining room table-knocking everything off of it so that Kyungsoo could be placed there.

“Someone explain to me what happened.” Sehun requested, as he rushed to gather all of the supplies he needed. Luhan was the one who seemed to be most levelheaded, so Luhan was the one that followed as he did so.

“Went up against those guys that have been giving us trouble for months. Boss wanted to end things once and for all, but now it seems like he's also ended his-”

“Shut up.” Sehun spat, not finding those words to be funny, not even necessary.

Luhan was taken aback, startled by the extreme anger that was in Sehun’s voice.

“We took them all out. We did it, we succeeded. We shouldn't be getting any more trouble, at least not for awhile. But, ah…” He lowered his gaze, actually looking afraid for once. “He and... Jongdae… they suffered a lot, the most out of all of us. Jongdae’s in my room right now. I've got to get back to him.”

Sehun turned, arms full of everything he’d need. He blinked, slowly. Struggled not to sound hostile, even though what he wanted most was to yell, to… to… kick something, to fucking break something, he was going out of his mind-

“You’re a fucking idiot.” He grumbled, thinking the words were soft enough to go unheard.

“Excuse me?”

“Kyungsoo.” Sehun laughed, that stupid, bitter laugh that he wished had never made its way out of his throat. “He’s a fucking idiot. What, does he think he’s invincible, or some shit?”

He was halfway back to Kyungsoo before he stopped. Stopped, and turned back around. Luhan was watching him, closely, eyebrows drawn together in contemplation.

“I’m sorry, Luhan. You can go tend to Jongdae. Feel free to borrow anything you need to.”

Sehun briefly shut his eyes, drew in a slow breath, and stepped back over to the dining table. Baekhyun was seated on the kitchen floor, cradling Chanyeol’s head in his lap, absentmindedly running his fingers through the other man’s hair. Sehun figured that he didn’t even realize he was doing it, but Chanyeol certainly did, if the calm that had replaced his previously anguished expression was any indication.

Sehun cursed his hesitation and immediately got to work. He forced the two men on the floor to escape their own little pleasant world in favor of assisting him. Gauze was handed out, and the same hands that accepted it pressed down hard on various areas of trauma. Thankfully, with their aid, Sehun was able to cover each serious wound on Kyungsoo’s body. He watched the clock above the stove. The bleeding was slowed by the gauze, but each strip was already beginning to stain red, and that is the color that Sehun’s vision almost converted to. He was angry-so angry, for so many reasons. Even at Kyungsoo himself, which wasn’t necessarily right seeing as he could be… dying… at this very instant…

But that was exactly why he was angry. Kyungsoo couldn’t die. Not now. Not before Sehun had even the slightest chance of developing even the slightest relationship with him.

No, Sehun didn’t love him. This moment, it didn’t make him realize that. However, it made him realize that he wanted to love Kyungsoo. He wanted to take that step, that single step that crossed the blurred line between friendship and something more. He wanted so badly to hold Kyungsoo, to be held in return. To kiss him, to touch him, to discover things about each other simultaneously. To find some happiness in this fucked up world. To eventually find love amongst all of the pain and suffering.

Five wounds. From bullets, cuts… some mixture of the two. Five life-threatening, ever-bleeding wounds.

“Hand me more gauze.” Sehun requested, somehow successfully keeping the fear out of his voice. Baekhyun was the one to comply, for he was the only man with a hand free.

Soaked through. Completely.

Gauze was layered atop gauze. One by one, the wounds stopped leaking blood.

Four were left bleeding. Three were left bleeding.

Two.

One.

Some time passed. That final wound kept ruining gauze after gauze. Sehun was panicking internally. He could only think of one thing left to do, and it was something he had no experience with, something that did not help his level of panic whatsoever.

A tourniquet. If performed incorrectly, permanent damage could result.

Conversely, if it wasn’t performed at all, Kyungsoo was doomed to die.

Sehun’s own hands were marked with red. They shook, unsteady, as he ripped cloth from the hem of his shirt. They shook, nervous, as he tied that cloth two inches above the wound. Tied it ever so tightly, on his upper arm, directly on the skin. Effectively cutting off his circulation.
He waited. He watched and waited. He didn’t want to risk waiting longer than thirty to forty minutes. He didn’t want to risk Kyungsoo losing his arm, but he also didn’t want to risk Kyungsoo losing his life.

Yet, if he really thought about it, that was a risk that would always exist. It was inevitable, given what Kyungsoo did.

Ten minutes passed. Still, a little blood seeped out from the wound. Fifteen. Still, it hadn’t ceased.

Twenty-five minutes passed. Kyungsoo suddenly found himself conscious again, lifting his head from the table and immediately crying out in pain, the arm with the tourniquet shaking as he fought to handle the waves of agony that never seemed to stop.

Sehun gently lowered his head back down and kept it there, troubled by the screams but relieved by one thing in particular-

The bleeding. It had stopped.

Sehun soothed him with his voice, and with gentle caresses of his cheek. “Kyungsoo, hold on. Kyungsoo, listen to me. I have to leave it on for a few more minutes; do you hear me? If I remove it too soon, the bleeding will begin again. Kyungsoo…”

“Kyungsoo…”

Yet again, he was crying for this man, wishing to ease his suffering. He pressed their foreheads together, breaths mixing so well that he could never be certain as to whether he was inhaling or Kyungsoo was exhaling at any given moment.

The press of his lips was even softer than his tone, and it was in that moment that Kyungsoo was silenced. He breathed hard, for one second, before taking a rough grip on Sehun’s hair and yanking him down further, kissing him just as strongly and unrelenting as his hold was.
Sehun didn’t know whether this was pure emotion or just a distractive technique, but he wasn’t going to complain either way. He welcomed this, welcomed Kyungsoo’s tongue with his own, welcomed Kyungsoo’s hands with his body and he didn’t care; didn’t care that the others might be watching. He didn’t care that he was getting-no, that he already was involved with someone that made him worry, 24/7, night and day.

He knew he wanted this, and as soon as Kyungsoo was healed, he’d find out if it went both ways.

~~~

Waking up to Sehun’s face was a blessing he didn’t deserve. A blessing that he feared God would someday realize he didn’t deserve, moments before taking it back.

You’re my angel. That’s what he may have said, if he were a different man leading a different life. But it was entirely too cheesy, and entirely out of character. He didn't call Sehun those things. He just called Sehun… Sehun. (In private, he was a bit more lenient and occasionally used some other way to refer to Sehun, but it certainly wasn't something he'd ever own up to).

Besides, he knew Sehun understood his feelings, because he showed all of it through his eyes, through that gentle gaze that Sehun felt even in his dreams. And when Sehun blinked his own eyes open, that amount of care and affection gifted to him always coaxed his lips into a smile.

He showed his feelings through his actions as well, with each soft touch, soft kiss, soft suck, soft-

Stop, Kyungsoo. He just woke up. Maybe he doesn’t want you to jump him like you always seem to want to.

But in addition to this gentleness, Sehun was witness to the cruelty that Kyungsoo also happened to possess. Even though he knew Kyungsoo only used violence when absolutely necessary, he could tell the man enjoyed it, at times.

He saw hatred in those eyes mere moments before or after they displayed an emotion that was in complete opposition. The eyes that held such affection also tended to hold such hatred. The eyes that only saw the urge to protect when focused on Sehun only saw the urge to destroy when focused on other men, men who may not actually be that much different from himself.

There were times where Kyungsoo legitimately terrified him. Times where the man was in a rage, and almost entirely out of control. Times where the only words coming out of his mouth were kill, torture, destroy and the only thing visible in his eyes was the need for revenge.

However, he knew that deep down, Kyungsoo truly was a soft and tender man. Furthermore, he knew that Kyungsoo needed him, and that he needed Kyungsoo in return.

Besides, he had been able to adjust to this sort of life. He was used to essentially working “behind the scenes,” helping everyone out in whatever ways he could. Helping to heal them up before sending them back out. Helping to make things more lighthearted.

It may never be possible for him to adjust to seeing them near death, but luckily, that was something that had only happened once as of yet. If Sehun were even luckier, he would never have to witness any of their deaths. This wasn’t the ideal life, but maybe they could eventually phase out of it, into another one.

Until then, he would do his best to improve their lives.

Until then, he would be thankful for the improvement that had already been made in his own.