(no subject)
Let me just say this. If I seem like I'm the kind of guy who can't keep a single thought in his head for more than ten seconds, then I've been giving the wrong impression of myself this entire time. My problem is that (I believe) I think so fast, my brain jumps from A, to B, to C, to D... in a matter of nanoseconds, and I don't want to slow down and let everyone else catch up. People outside of my brain see the jump from A to K, and wonder what the fuck I'm on or what is wrong with me. I hate that I come off this way, because (really) I have a rather normal brain. I just think and move faster than I talk, so it seems like I don't make connections when in fact I have already digested the information, made connections, and come to conclusions.
This just spawned because I've been thinking about the way I come off to people. I know I seem schitzo, I seem crazy, random, or just ridiculous at times. I can be funny, but half the time you're laughing at me: that's all right; seeing me from your perspective, I laugh at me too. Frankly, I know I must look like a six-year-old kid with a caffeine fix and no ritalin. I hate that about me.
So, if you didn't know this about me, guess what: I really am mature. I can wear nice clothes, not make jejune and inappropriate jokes, and generally come across as intelligent, cool, and down to earth. I can do my homework, present interesting theses, and I can go to a party and not make myself look like an idiot. If I wanted to, I think I could be normal, and just fucking chill out for once. It would be nice for a while; sometimes I try, I really do. But I just get so bored, and my mind wanders, and I feel like I've slowed down and the world's catching up to me. To be boring and normal takes a conscious effort for me; I have to methodically shut myself up, smile politely, and do everything that takes so much effort. With so much effort placed on being normal, how could anyone do anything else?
So I may come off as a maniac to you. You're partially right. I don't make sense, even to myself sometimes, and I'm very easy to laugh at. But my logic is sound, even if my brain is wired differently, and I know what the fuck I'm talking about. If you want me to slow down for you, I'm willing to do that every so often; but you've got to realize that I'm dancing to my own drum, and to change to your beat and that of the world's is something I don't think I can put much effort into. It's too tough to change who you are, so I'd keep my irrational-looking exterior any day over something I can't call my own.
And even if you question my sanity (you shouldn't), even if you question my humor (you probably should), never question my sincerity. If my motives seem pure, then they are what they are; even if you can't understand me, trust me when I say I care and I want to do good. That's the only thing you need to get.
-JB
This just spawned because I've been thinking about the way I come off to people. I know I seem schitzo, I seem crazy, random, or just ridiculous at times. I can be funny, but half the time you're laughing at me: that's all right; seeing me from your perspective, I laugh at me too. Frankly, I know I must look like a six-year-old kid with a caffeine fix and no ritalin. I hate that about me.
So, if you didn't know this about me, guess what: I really am mature. I can wear nice clothes, not make jejune and inappropriate jokes, and generally come across as intelligent, cool, and down to earth. I can do my homework, present interesting theses, and I can go to a party and not make myself look like an idiot. If I wanted to, I think I could be normal, and just fucking chill out for once. It would be nice for a while; sometimes I try, I really do. But I just get so bored, and my mind wanders, and I feel like I've slowed down and the world's catching up to me. To be boring and normal takes a conscious effort for me; I have to methodically shut myself up, smile politely, and do everything that takes so much effort. With so much effort placed on being normal, how could anyone do anything else?
So I may come off as a maniac to you. You're partially right. I don't make sense, even to myself sometimes, and I'm very easy to laugh at. But my logic is sound, even if my brain is wired differently, and I know what the fuck I'm talking about. If you want me to slow down for you, I'm willing to do that every so often; but you've got to realize that I'm dancing to my own drum, and to change to your beat and that of the world's is something I don't think I can put much effort into. It's too tough to change who you are, so I'd keep my irrational-looking exterior any day over something I can't call my own.
And even if you question my sanity (you shouldn't), even if you question my humor (you probably should), never question my sincerity. If my motives seem pure, then they are what they are; even if you can't understand me, trust me when I say I care and I want to do good. That's the only thing you need to get.
-JB