(no subject)
It's not important, it was just one of those times where I waited long enough to forget him and sit with others, dazed, all spying through similar hazes. The moon was crowded by the shadow of our whole world and soon there wasn't much space on the couch. it was comfortable and jubial and I loved others despite sometimes hating how obnoxious I fear that I am. Some in particular, with friendly mannerisms I'll always relish in and I don't realize how our sides are squished up against eachother and I don't think about the possibility that their hand may be soft enough for me to hold. It's easy to enjoy yourself with the accessories of alcohol and unnoticed attraction and hope for the allowance given by all wet lips that will set our pathetic souls free. It was different before, chemistry more enjoyable, i was naive to the position of anything's image so before it was actually very gratifying. its been a while, though... But this time I've got my holdups, and no amount of latenight congeniality will fill in certain absences. certainly not the absence between my own lips. And what's present in my mind is the fact that all I have is the thought that the actually he is elsewhere and I am stuck staring into a face that reminds of one from a few years back. Some things pass. In a heartbeat and a thumbflick I'm aware of why I will say no then and I don't mind that I have said no before. Guilt gives way to sticking to choices and I do not act on that which could end up as a mistake. There's always something to walk away from. This isn't meant to be too pathetic and pointless, I'm just tedious and teenage. Some things stay, though. I don't know if I have the effort to drive them out.
My childhood hoodlum moved to New Jersey. It's strange and there's too much space everywhere.shadows too though.
My childhood hoodlum moved to New Jersey. It's strange and there's too much space everywhere.shadows too though.