And The Predictably Ridiculous Answers!
OK, time for the answers to the latest iteration of the 15 characters meme. Because as long as people are willing to keep asking the questions, I'm going to keep doing these things. And apparently people are still willing!
Here's the current list:
1. Stark (Farscape)
2. Bender (Futurama)
3. Henry Mills (Once Upon a Time)
4. Killian Jones, aka Captain Hook (Once Upon a Time)
5. Rory Williams (Doctor Who)
6. The First Doctor (Doctor Who)
7. Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy (Star Trek: TOS)
8. Dayna Mellanby (Blake's 7)
9. Chiana (Farscape)
10. Jarod (The Pretender)
11. Emma Swan (Once Upon a Time)
12. Professor Hubert Farnsworth (Futurama)
13. Cally (Blake's 7)
14. The Master, John Simm version (Doctor Who)
15. Steel (Sapphire & Steel)
And the results!
From executrix:
Dayna discovers that the Doctor is at the center of a political scandal. What is the scandal about, and does Dayna publicize or conceal it?
He's actually the one exposing the scandal, which involves the nefarious doings of Servalan and the extreme corruption at the heart of the Federation. Dayna leaps in to help with great enthusiasm.
From linda_joyce:
The Professor and Chiana are stuck in a lift what would they do?
The Professor hints that, since they might be trapped forever and die in there, they might want to consider a little oh-no-we're-in-mortal-danger sex. Chiana gives this serious consideration for a moment, then says, "Nice try, old man. Now fix the elevator." So he pouts and does. Probably by thwacking it.
From graycardinal:
Emma has written a shocking tell-all book revealing The Doctor's deepest secrets to the world at large. There is now a bidding war between Rory and The Master for the publishing rights. Which one of these two is bidding in order to bury the manuscript so no one ever sees it, which one actually wants to publish it, who's actually going to win -- and which other list denizen has the Doctor hired to do damage control?
Rory undoubtedly wants to help the Doctor keep his secrets (even if he might be a little curious about what some of them are). Now, if anybody actually knows the Doctor's secrets, I would think it would be the Master, but no doubt there are some he's not aware of. And if they're potentially damaging to the Doctor, you can bet he'd want to make them public. Especially if they show the universe that the Doctor isn't always the goody two-shoes he likes everyone to think! And the Master is definitely going to win as he's got tons of money in that particular incarnation. For damage control, the Doctor elicits help from, uh... Steel? Because revealing all the Doctor's secrets to the whole universe during his first lifetime might make for some kind of major breach in the spacetime continuum that needs fixing, and Steel might be the guy who turns up to do it. But, oh, how they snark at each other!
What I want to know is how Emma ended up with the Doctor's secrets in the first place. But weirder things have happened in her life, I guess.
Bender is job-shadowing Dayna (which may or may not have involved favors from friends in high places). Is Dayna amused, irritated, and/or romantically attracted to Bender as a result -- and what situation brings them into contact with Cally wherein Cally's long-secret connection to one of them is revealed? [Any resemblance to the premise of Castle is totally not coincidental.]
Bender is going to learn how to be an interstellar rebel and weapons expert. Yeah, baby! Kill all humans! Dayna finds him slightly amusing, in an "I cannot believe this!" kind of way, but mostly irritating. Bender's having a lot of fun, though, creating mayhem and blowing things up with Dayna's explosives and teaming up with Vila to commit various interesting thefts. Since Cally is one of Dayna's shipmates, contact with her happens naturally. And the long-secret connection is... uh... Well, Bender had to make a delivery to Auron a while back, and he may have had a sordid affair with the incubator unit Cally was born from, but he disavows all responsibility for any siblings she may have had since then.
A twist on an old standby: Henry, Chiana, and the Professor are a garage band; Stark, Bones, and Steel are a novelty act. Both groups have landed in the finals of a reality-TV competition (i.e. America's Got Talent). Describe their acts, and tell us which one wins -- or whether they're both beaten by the two cute nine-year-olds doing hot ballroom dancing.
Wow. Just... wow. Um, well, let's see In band #1, I think Henry sings, because we've never seen him show any talent or interest in playing a musical instrument, and kids singing is kind of cute. The Professor plays some kind of ridiculously over-engineered mad science keyboard and does backup vocals (badly). Chiana totally rocks out on electric guitar and vamps it up shamelessly for the audience. Depending on who's written a particular song, they're either about heroes triumphing over evil, sex and anarchy, or interesting subatomic particles.
As for Stark, Bones, and Steel... Yeah, that'd be a novelty act, all right! I think Stark plays some kind of alien woodwind, Steel plays the theremin, and Bones, after fortifying himself with a fairly large quantity of alcohol, sings humorous songs about his crazy medical adventures and his exasperating shipmates.
I think the nine-year-old ballroom dancers win.
From lost_spook:
Jarod becomes supreme ruler of the galaxy. Is this bad/good/the end of the universe?
That's... surprisingly hard to say. But the galaxy now has a legal system based largely on ironic punishments, ice cream consumption is mandatory with every meal, and everybody who's ever so much as considered hurting a kid is in big, big trouble.
Stark, Bender, and Henry do some DIY for Rory. Do they manage it, or does the house fall down first?
Hee! Poor Rory! I think the result involves lots of wires strewn everywhere, various random things having been bent out of their usual shape, a large quantity of empty beer bottles on the floor, one screaming, frustrated Banik, and an extremely apologetic Henry who did his best to oversee the operation, really.
Dayna and Chiana become pirates, but fall foul of the Dreaded Pirate Killian Jones when they steal their treasure map. How does that fall out (and who gets the treasure) and what about Naval Captain Emma Swan, who is hot on their trail?
Bwahahahahaha! OK, first of all, Dayna and Chiana would make awesome pirates. I could so easily see the two of them out there, buckling their swash and having a great old time. Secondly, ha! The Dreaded Pirate is, in fact, a dreaded pirate! That is just too beautiful. I think Dayna and Chiana totally get his treasure, because, dreaded or not, Hook gets knocked around by women all the time. As for Emma, I'm sure Hook's response would be that he's happy to have her hot on his trail any time, "if you know what I mean, love." Which does not impress her, but she'll nevertheless accept his help in getting the treasure map back. Very possibly Chiana and Dayna, once she tracks them down (which she will), will agree to help her after she explains that she needs the treasure to help her son. Which, let's face it, she probably does.
From sallymn:
The Doctor and Bones need (for some handwavium reason) all of The Professor's clothes. How to they persuade The Professor to strip?
It is never difficult to get the Professor to strip. He seems to enjoy doing it at any possible excuse. So they just ask him to.
It's Cally's birthday! Who makes the cake, who jumps out of it, and who gives Cally the best present (and what is it?)
Vila makes it and jumps out of it, because none of her other friends are remotely inclined towards that sort of thing. Avon gives her the best gift -- some old holograms of Auron that Orac found in a computer somewhere, and some art supplies for her to draw them -- but he does it in private and nobody else ever finds out.
Bender is Ruler of the Universe. How doomed are we?
We are very, very doomed. Or, at least, we are required to give up all our beer and floozies as tribute and to chant "Bender is Great!" every hour on the hour while giant holographic images of him tower over us responding, "Shut up, universe, I know it!"
From ladymercury_10:
Bender, Emma, and Steel are thrust into a detective AU. What happens next?
Sheriff Emma is well on her way to tracking down serial criminal Bender and bringing him to justice when Steel ruins everybody's fun by stepping in and putting the universe back the way it's supposed to be. (Although, given that Emma is a sheriff and Bender is a serial criminal, it's maybe not actually that much of a difference.)
Henry and Bones find a lost kitten. What do they do, and how adorable is it?
Awwww! Bones tends to the poor kitten's medical needs, and gives it to Henry, who is delighted. But his mom (the evil one) doesn't want to let him keep it at her place, because she thinks cats are pests. Probably because she doesn't like things she can't control. And his other mom (the non-evil one) thinks it would be nice for Henry to have a pet, but they don't really have room for one where she lives, plus she really doesn't have a good idea how to take care of a pet, since she's never had one. But Henry looks so cute and sad that they both relent, and soon they're arguing over which one of them it gets to stay with. Needless to say, it is all terribly adorable.
From jaxomsride:
Bones and Chiana have to persuade The Doctor and Bender to have sex with them. What reasons, persuasions do they give and how well do they succeed?
Um... I imagine Chiana can persuade Bender rather easily. A bit of flattery and some of her patented seductive moves, and she's in. Even if Bender usually does prefer robots.
Which leaves the doctor and the Doctor staring at each other. I imagine the conversation going something like:
Bones, in a sort of half-embarrassed, half- sardonic drawl: "Apparently, we're also expected to, uh..."
The Doctor: "Yes? Yes? To do what? Out with it, my boy!"
Bones, quirking an eyebrow and nodding in the direction of the broom cupboard from which Chiana and Bender's sex noises are now emanating:"It seems the aliens want to watch." (Because you know it'd have to be some kind of scenario like that.)
The Doctor: "Oh, do they? Do they, now! Well, we'll just see about that!"
And then the aliens are very sorry. Chiana and Bender aren't, though, having quite enjoyed themselves.
The Master writes a torrid fanfic of the Professor's adventures. Cally finds out. Does Cally tell the Professor, keep it to themselves or use it as blackmail? What happens when the Professor does eventually find out?
I think Cally is not particularly interested one way or another, but if she happens to encounter the Professor, and grasps that this kind of thing is likely to be offensive to him, as opposed to just being one of those things about human culture she doesn't understand, she will probably tell him so he can decide if he wants to go and take revenge or something.
And I think he's surprised, but more interested than irate. I'm imagining him reading through the fic going, "I wha'? Oh my! Oh, no, no, it wasn't like that at all! Except for this part. This part is good. Hmm. In fact, I think I should be taking notes. That sounds like it could be fun!"
Why on earth the Master is writing Futurama fanfic, though, I have no idea.
Stark, Dayna and The Master are all transmogrified into cats. How do they manage to convince Rory they aren't animals and how do they persuade Henry to help turn them back into their former selves?
Poor Rory is about to have his ankles bitten in order to get his attention (or possibly his hands bitten to stop him from petting the kitties, at least two of which do not appreciate it). But they'll quickly figure out some way to communicate with him via computer. I'm imagining a very annoyed Master trying to hunt-and-peck on the keyboard with his claws. Fortunately, Henry has no problem believing things like this can happen, and he probably can help, since he knows people who can do magic, and who might be willing to do favors for him free of charge that other people would have to pay dearly for.
From kerravonsen:
Stark is the Chosen One
Bender is the Sidekick
Henry is the Wise Mentor
Hook is the Villain
Rory is the Villain's Lieutenant
The Doctor is the Seer
Bones is the Spy
Dayna is the Comic Relief
Is the world doomed or saved?
Um... Gosh. Well, Hook, while he certainly has some villain cred, is not exactly the most fearsome person in the Multiverse, and I can't imagine Rory taking to the villainy role with any enthusiasm. Heck, he's probably secretly working against Hook, anyway. That having been said, though, Chosen One Stark and "Heroic" Sidekick Bender, mentored by an eleven-year-old kid, don't fill me with huge amounts of confidence. Although when you've got the Doctor offering you glimpses into the future, Bones keeping his eyes open for you, and Dayna comically blowing things up, you're likely to do at least reasonably well. So I think the world is probably OK, although it's going to be a strange and amusing world-saving, indeed.
Jarod and Emma start behaving as if Chiana has been turned into a Canon!Sue, even though Chiana hasn't changed one bit. Does Chiana love it or hate it? Who figures out the problem first? What caused it?
What, like, raving about her beautiful monochrome eyes and fighting over her affections and expecting her to save the day constantly and stuff? Uh, she probably really enjoys it, but also very quickly becomes suspicious. As for what caused it, well, depending on whose universe they're in, it's either an experiment in drug-induced psychological manipulation, magic, or alien mind control.
The Professor, Cally, The Master and Steel are zapped into your home town by aliens/magic/a-big-swirling-portal. How do they react? Who freaks out? Who makes nice with the natives? Who isn't bothered at all?
I cannot see any of them freaking out. The only one of those people who seems even capable of freaking out is the Professor, and he's probably the one who invented the big swirling portal. Although likely that wasn't exactly what he was trying to do with it. Cally and the Master are probably both more irritated than freaked, having evil empires to rule/topple and thus annoyed at being pulled away from their lives. Steel is probably even more irritated, because here's yet another temporal rupture for him to fix, and this one is huge and no doubt hideously dangerous. Probably nobody cares much about making nice with the natives. Which might be just as well for us.
Here's the current list:
1. Stark (Farscape)
2. Bender (Futurama)
3. Henry Mills (Once Upon a Time)
4. Killian Jones, aka Captain Hook (Once Upon a Time)
5. Rory Williams (Doctor Who)
6. The First Doctor (Doctor Who)
7. Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy (Star Trek: TOS)
8. Dayna Mellanby (Blake's 7)
9. Chiana (Farscape)
10. Jarod (The Pretender)
11. Emma Swan (Once Upon a Time)
12. Professor Hubert Farnsworth (Futurama)
13. Cally (Blake's 7)
14. The Master, John Simm version (Doctor Who)
15. Steel (Sapphire & Steel)
And the results!
From executrix:
Dayna discovers that the Doctor is at the center of a political scandal. What is the scandal about, and does Dayna publicize or conceal it?
He's actually the one exposing the scandal, which involves the nefarious doings of Servalan and the extreme corruption at the heart of the Federation. Dayna leaps in to help with great enthusiasm.
From linda_joyce:
The Professor and Chiana are stuck in a lift what would they do?
The Professor hints that, since they might be trapped forever and die in there, they might want to consider a little oh-no-we're-in-mortal-danger sex. Chiana gives this serious consideration for a moment, then says, "Nice try, old man. Now fix the elevator." So he pouts and does. Probably by thwacking it.
From graycardinal:
Emma has written a shocking tell-all book revealing The Doctor's deepest secrets to the world at large. There is now a bidding war between Rory and The Master for the publishing rights. Which one of these two is bidding in order to bury the manuscript so no one ever sees it, which one actually wants to publish it, who's actually going to win -- and which other list denizen has the Doctor hired to do damage control?
Rory undoubtedly wants to help the Doctor keep his secrets (even if he might be a little curious about what some of them are). Now, if anybody actually knows the Doctor's secrets, I would think it would be the Master, but no doubt there are some he's not aware of. And if they're potentially damaging to the Doctor, you can bet he'd want to make them public. Especially if they show the universe that the Doctor isn't always the goody two-shoes he likes everyone to think! And the Master is definitely going to win as he's got tons of money in that particular incarnation. For damage control, the Doctor elicits help from, uh... Steel? Because revealing all the Doctor's secrets to the whole universe during his first lifetime might make for some kind of major breach in the spacetime continuum that needs fixing, and Steel might be the guy who turns up to do it. But, oh, how they snark at each other!
What I want to know is how Emma ended up with the Doctor's secrets in the first place. But weirder things have happened in her life, I guess.
Bender is job-shadowing Dayna (which may or may not have involved favors from friends in high places). Is Dayna amused, irritated, and/or romantically attracted to Bender as a result -- and what situation brings them into contact with Cally wherein Cally's long-secret connection to one of them is revealed? [Any resemblance to the premise of Castle is totally not coincidental.]
Bender is going to learn how to be an interstellar rebel and weapons expert. Yeah, baby! Kill all humans! Dayna finds him slightly amusing, in an "I cannot believe this!" kind of way, but mostly irritating. Bender's having a lot of fun, though, creating mayhem and blowing things up with Dayna's explosives and teaming up with Vila to commit various interesting thefts. Since Cally is one of Dayna's shipmates, contact with her happens naturally. And the long-secret connection is... uh... Well, Bender had to make a delivery to Auron a while back, and he may have had a sordid affair with the incubator unit Cally was born from, but he disavows all responsibility for any siblings she may have had since then.
A twist on an old standby: Henry, Chiana, and the Professor are a garage band; Stark, Bones, and Steel are a novelty act. Both groups have landed in the finals of a reality-TV competition (i.e. America's Got Talent). Describe their acts, and tell us which one wins -- or whether they're both beaten by the two cute nine-year-olds doing hot ballroom dancing.
Wow. Just... wow. Um, well, let's see In band #1, I think Henry sings, because we've never seen him show any talent or interest in playing a musical instrument, and kids singing is kind of cute. The Professor plays some kind of ridiculously over-engineered mad science keyboard and does backup vocals (badly). Chiana totally rocks out on electric guitar and vamps it up shamelessly for the audience. Depending on who's written a particular song, they're either about heroes triumphing over evil, sex and anarchy, or interesting subatomic particles.
As for Stark, Bones, and Steel... Yeah, that'd be a novelty act, all right! I think Stark plays some kind of alien woodwind, Steel plays the theremin, and Bones, after fortifying himself with a fairly large quantity of alcohol, sings humorous songs about his crazy medical adventures and his exasperating shipmates.
I think the nine-year-old ballroom dancers win.
From lost_spook:
Jarod becomes supreme ruler of the galaxy. Is this bad/good/the end of the universe?
That's... surprisingly hard to say. But the galaxy now has a legal system based largely on ironic punishments, ice cream consumption is mandatory with every meal, and everybody who's ever so much as considered hurting a kid is in big, big trouble.
Stark, Bender, and Henry do some DIY for Rory. Do they manage it, or does the house fall down first?
Hee! Poor Rory! I think the result involves lots of wires strewn everywhere, various random things having been bent out of their usual shape, a large quantity of empty beer bottles on the floor, one screaming, frustrated Banik, and an extremely apologetic Henry who did his best to oversee the operation, really.
Dayna and Chiana become pirates, but fall foul of the Dreaded Pirate Killian Jones when they steal their treasure map. How does that fall out (and who gets the treasure) and what about Naval Captain Emma Swan, who is hot on their trail?
Bwahahahahaha! OK, first of all, Dayna and Chiana would make awesome pirates. I could so easily see the two of them out there, buckling their swash and having a great old time. Secondly, ha! The Dreaded Pirate is, in fact, a dreaded pirate! That is just too beautiful. I think Dayna and Chiana totally get his treasure, because, dreaded or not, Hook gets knocked around by women all the time. As for Emma, I'm sure Hook's response would be that he's happy to have her hot on his trail any time, "if you know what I mean, love." Which does not impress her, but she'll nevertheless accept his help in getting the treasure map back. Very possibly Chiana and Dayna, once she tracks them down (which she will), will agree to help her after she explains that she needs the treasure to help her son. Which, let's face it, she probably does.
From sallymn:
The Doctor and Bones need (for some handwavium reason) all of The Professor's clothes. How to they persuade The Professor to strip?
It is never difficult to get the Professor to strip. He seems to enjoy doing it at any possible excuse. So they just ask him to.
It's Cally's birthday! Who makes the cake, who jumps out of it, and who gives Cally the best present (and what is it?)
Vila makes it and jumps out of it, because none of her other friends are remotely inclined towards that sort of thing. Avon gives her the best gift -- some old holograms of Auron that Orac found in a computer somewhere, and some art supplies for her to draw them -- but he does it in private and nobody else ever finds out.
Bender is Ruler of the Universe. How doomed are we?
We are very, very doomed. Or, at least, we are required to give up all our beer and floozies as tribute and to chant "Bender is Great!" every hour on the hour while giant holographic images of him tower over us responding, "Shut up, universe, I know it!"
From ladymercury_10:
Bender, Emma, and Steel are thrust into a detective AU. What happens next?
Sheriff Emma is well on her way to tracking down serial criminal Bender and bringing him to justice when Steel ruins everybody's fun by stepping in and putting the universe back the way it's supposed to be. (Although, given that Emma is a sheriff and Bender is a serial criminal, it's maybe not actually that much of a difference.)
Henry and Bones find a lost kitten. What do they do, and how adorable is it?
Awwww! Bones tends to the poor kitten's medical needs, and gives it to Henry, who is delighted. But his mom (the evil one) doesn't want to let him keep it at her place, because she thinks cats are pests. Probably because she doesn't like things she can't control. And his other mom (the non-evil one) thinks it would be nice for Henry to have a pet, but they don't really have room for one where she lives, plus she really doesn't have a good idea how to take care of a pet, since she's never had one. But Henry looks so cute and sad that they both relent, and soon they're arguing over which one of them it gets to stay with. Needless to say, it is all terribly adorable.
From jaxomsride:
Bones and Chiana have to persuade The Doctor and Bender to have sex with them. What reasons, persuasions do they give and how well do they succeed?
Um... I imagine Chiana can persuade Bender rather easily. A bit of flattery and some of her patented seductive moves, and she's in. Even if Bender usually does prefer robots.
Which leaves the doctor and the Doctor staring at each other. I imagine the conversation going something like:
Bones, in a sort of half-embarrassed, half- sardonic drawl: "Apparently, we're also expected to, uh..."
The Doctor: "Yes? Yes? To do what? Out with it, my boy!"
Bones, quirking an eyebrow and nodding in the direction of the broom cupboard from which Chiana and Bender's sex noises are now emanating:"It seems the aliens want to watch." (Because you know it'd have to be some kind of scenario like that.)
The Doctor: "Oh, do they? Do they, now! Well, we'll just see about that!"
And then the aliens are very sorry. Chiana and Bender aren't, though, having quite enjoyed themselves.
The Master writes a torrid fanfic of the Professor's adventures. Cally finds out. Does Cally tell the Professor, keep it to themselves or use it as blackmail? What happens when the Professor does eventually find out?
I think Cally is not particularly interested one way or another, but if she happens to encounter the Professor, and grasps that this kind of thing is likely to be offensive to him, as opposed to just being one of those things about human culture she doesn't understand, she will probably tell him so he can decide if he wants to go and take revenge or something.
And I think he's surprised, but more interested than irate. I'm imagining him reading through the fic going, "I wha'? Oh my! Oh, no, no, it wasn't like that at all! Except for this part. This part is good. Hmm. In fact, I think I should be taking notes. That sounds like it could be fun!"
Why on earth the Master is writing Futurama fanfic, though, I have no idea.
Stark, Dayna and The Master are all transmogrified into cats. How do they manage to convince Rory they aren't animals and how do they persuade Henry to help turn them back into their former selves?
Poor Rory is about to have his ankles bitten in order to get his attention (or possibly his hands bitten to stop him from petting the kitties, at least two of which do not appreciate it). But they'll quickly figure out some way to communicate with him via computer. I'm imagining a very annoyed Master trying to hunt-and-peck on the keyboard with his claws. Fortunately, Henry has no problem believing things like this can happen, and he probably can help, since he knows people who can do magic, and who might be willing to do favors for him free of charge that other people would have to pay dearly for.
From kerravonsen:
Stark is the Chosen One
Bender is the Sidekick
Henry is the Wise Mentor
Hook is the Villain
Rory is the Villain's Lieutenant
The Doctor is the Seer
Bones is the Spy
Dayna is the Comic Relief
Is the world doomed or saved?
Um... Gosh. Well, Hook, while he certainly has some villain cred, is not exactly the most fearsome person in the Multiverse, and I can't imagine Rory taking to the villainy role with any enthusiasm. Heck, he's probably secretly working against Hook, anyway. That having been said, though, Chosen One Stark and "Heroic" Sidekick Bender, mentored by an eleven-year-old kid, don't fill me with huge amounts of confidence. Although when you've got the Doctor offering you glimpses into the future, Bones keeping his eyes open for you, and Dayna comically blowing things up, you're likely to do at least reasonably well. So I think the world is probably OK, although it's going to be a strange and amusing world-saving, indeed.
Jarod and Emma start behaving as if Chiana has been turned into a Canon!Sue, even though Chiana hasn't changed one bit. Does Chiana love it or hate it? Who figures out the problem first? What caused it?
What, like, raving about her beautiful monochrome eyes and fighting over her affections and expecting her to save the day constantly and stuff? Uh, she probably really enjoys it, but also very quickly becomes suspicious. As for what caused it, well, depending on whose universe they're in, it's either an experiment in drug-induced psychological manipulation, magic, or alien mind control.
The Professor, Cally, The Master and Steel are zapped into your home town by aliens/magic/a-big-swirling-portal. How do they react? Who freaks out? Who makes nice with the natives? Who isn't bothered at all?
I cannot see any of them freaking out. The only one of those people who seems even capable of freaking out is the Professor, and he's probably the one who invented the big swirling portal. Although likely that wasn't exactly what he was trying to do with it. Cally and the Master are probably both more irritated than freaked, having evil empires to rule/topple and thus annoyed at being pulled away from their lives. Steel is probably even more irritated, because here's yet another temporal rupture for him to fix, and this one is huge and no doubt hideously dangerous. Probably nobody cares much about making nice with the natives. Which might be just as well for us.