(no subject)
I feel so odd right now. I am hydrocodone because I have a migraine that won’t go away. I can still feel it, but its just a small ache.
My insurance told me that I meet the criteria to have weight loss surgery a few days ago, when I lose 5% of my body weight, I can have gastric bypass in 6 months. I have been fighting insurance companies for for a few years for the right to have this done. But now that it looks like its going to happen, I am not sure how I feel about it.
I always looked down on women who had it, I felt that they took the easy way out. I lost 110 pounds once, working out 7 days a week and eating next to nothing. I was starving all the time, I was on weight watchers for 2 years, and it worked when I worked at it. It was all consuming for me. I had no life out side of working out and work. My spare time was spent planning meals or finding places to work out.
I had a mental break down after being rejected. After all the work I had done, I was still not good enough. A few years of counseling and I got over it, but all the weight came back on.
Why can’t I just control myself?
I have really fucked myself over now, because I can’t even exercise like I use to because of all the injuries I accrued from working out when I was smaller. Kickboxing knee injuries, broken tail bone, arthritis in my lower back, I have to have surgery on my feet. I am falling apart and I am only 28.
When I was getting a psych eval done last year , the Doctor told me that diets, or eating plans only work when they become habit, and can be done daily with giving very little or no thought to the routine.
2 years of weight watchers and I should have adjusted to the routine and it should have become less of a struggle.
I eat to much. I eat very healthy food, but it doesn’t matter if I am eating cake or carrots calories are calories. I am addicted to food. Its my drug of choice. I can get comfort from a bowl of risotto like a heroin addicts gets it from a hit of heroin.
Here I am ,wanting to eat because what I have written bothers me. I am not hungry at all, but the urge to eat is almost overwhelming. So as for taking the easy way out, I am not. There is no easy way. This operation is not a fix all, some people don’t even lose any weight, or they gain it all back. I feel like a failure every day of my life, because I am fat and I am an addict.
My insurance told me that I meet the criteria to have weight loss surgery a few days ago, when I lose 5% of my body weight, I can have gastric bypass in 6 months. I have been fighting insurance companies for for a few years for the right to have this done. But now that it looks like its going to happen, I am not sure how I feel about it.
I always looked down on women who had it, I felt that they took the easy way out. I lost 110 pounds once, working out 7 days a week and eating next to nothing. I was starving all the time, I was on weight watchers for 2 years, and it worked when I worked at it. It was all consuming for me. I had no life out side of working out and work. My spare time was spent planning meals or finding places to work out.
I had a mental break down after being rejected. After all the work I had done, I was still not good enough. A few years of counseling and I got over it, but all the weight came back on.
Why can’t I just control myself?
I have really fucked myself over now, because I can’t even exercise like I use to because of all the injuries I accrued from working out when I was smaller. Kickboxing knee injuries, broken tail bone, arthritis in my lower back, I have to have surgery on my feet. I am falling apart and I am only 28.
When I was getting a psych eval done last year , the Doctor told me that diets, or eating plans only work when they become habit, and can be done daily with giving very little or no thought to the routine.
2 years of weight watchers and I should have adjusted to the routine and it should have become less of a struggle.
I eat to much. I eat very healthy food, but it doesn’t matter if I am eating cake or carrots calories are calories. I am addicted to food. Its my drug of choice. I can get comfort from a bowl of risotto like a heroin addicts gets it from a hit of heroin.
Here I am ,wanting to eat because what I have written bothers me. I am not hungry at all, but the urge to eat is almost overwhelming. So as for taking the easy way out, I am not. There is no easy way. This operation is not a fix all, some people don’t even lose any weight, or they gain it all back. I feel like a failure every day of my life, because I am fat and I am an addict.