Live vs. Death
I always have to repeat myself to my mom. I called her while I was out at lunch, like I always do and she went on to rag on me about how I dont have enough hours for FWT when I told her about how we fixed it YESTERDAY. Sometimes I wish I lived elsewhere and not with her. I want to live in my own place...in Korea or Japan. I need to start brushing up on my Japanese though and I should really start studying Korean. ><; So yeah, today was pretty icky otherwise. Just the yesterday blues got me down today.
I brought my camera to work today, but I forgot to take pictures. I wanted to take pictures of my walk and my city life since no one really knows too much about it.
I'm still like...upset about everything. Life. Why am I here? I don't know what my purpose is being here. I don't know anything and I hate it. Being alive is terrifying. Fearing death with every step you take, regretting not taking chances and being afraid of love.
Time never stops. Life never stops. So how can we stop and take the time to reflect on our lives like so many writers, preists and other preacher-like people say. It's impossible. No one has TIME to think about these things, except for when our emotions get the best of us. We all must move on somehow, because life keeps going...right? Whether its moving on from a loss or a realization of faded dreams. We all go on...unless we choose to end our misery.
Numerous times; I have personally thought about suicide. In a state of irrationality, yes. But I also think about what it would be like to die. Just for curiosity purposes. This is what goes on inside the mind of the girl you see thats "so bubbly" "so happy" "so giddy" and blah blah blah. My thoughts are quite morbid. Strange, so it seems. Although, perhaps it's not. The bigger question of all of this is, why do I live? I don't have a reason.
Here's something for nothing.
http://media.putfile.com/Reke--Kirameku-Namida-wa-Hoshi-ni---C-i-J-T---cover