Written while I was in the SCA
This was written while I was actively participating in the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA), in another state. It is (or at least attempts to be) a sonnet, the traditional poem of love since at least the time of Billy Wigglestick*. The copyright notice is in my SCA name, as I don't wish to publish my real name on a public website along with intimate details of my lifestyle.
I was deeply in love with a wonderful woman who was adamant about maintaining her virginity before marriage. That and my nature created conflict, as you might well imagine. When she left me for someone who I knew well (and knew well would hurt her just as I had, only more so), I was more heartbroken than I ever thought I could be. It was the only time in my life I've ever seriously contemplated suicide as an option. Writing this poem both helped me lessen the agony and prolong it, by giving me something to hold onto. I no longer recite it verbally, both because I promised her I would never say it again, and because it still can bring pain to my heart.
That other guy did exactly as I had predicted, but she stood firm to him also, and he left her after several months for a more compliant woman. She eventually married my best friend. I am very happy for them both, and still count them both among my nearest and dearest.
*William Shakespeare, if you didn't figure it out.
I had hoped to rebuild your shattered faiths
In me, but knew not how, with what, or where.
Having nothing, I gave nothing, gave space
For you to find reason to build apace,
To affirm Love. Time tests all things, and fair,
And with absence, you might yet grow fonder.
Venus, tested so, your heart did wander.
Perhaps ne'er there, vanished, gone, taken wing
With the dawn of day and the death of dreams.
So's spritely love lost to platonic feeling.
With deep, heavy sorrows my heart now teems.
To earn your love, no hope remains, nothing
In my small sphere. Resigned to lonely fate,
I withdraw, to sorrow, to hope, to wait.
Copyright 1996 - 2006 Johannes vom Kreuzung
I was deeply in love with a wonderful woman who was adamant about maintaining her virginity before marriage. That and my nature created conflict, as you might well imagine. When she left me for someone who I knew well (and knew well would hurt her just as I had, only more so), I was more heartbroken than I ever thought I could be. It was the only time in my life I've ever seriously contemplated suicide as an option. Writing this poem both helped me lessen the agony and prolong it, by giving me something to hold onto. I no longer recite it verbally, both because I promised her I would never say it again, and because it still can bring pain to my heart.
That other guy did exactly as I had predicted, but she stood firm to him also, and he left her after several months for a more compliant woman. She eventually married my best friend. I am very happy for them both, and still count them both among my nearest and dearest.
*William Shakespeare, if you didn't figure it out.
I had hoped to rebuild your shattered faiths
In me, but knew not how, with what, or where.
Having nothing, I gave nothing, gave space
For you to find reason to build apace,
To affirm Love. Time tests all things, and fair,
And with absence, you might yet grow fonder.
Venus, tested so, your heart did wander.
Perhaps ne'er there, vanished, gone, taken wing
With the dawn of day and the death of dreams.
So's spritely love lost to platonic feeling.
With deep, heavy sorrows my heart now teems.
To earn your love, no hope remains, nothing
In my small sphere. Resigned to lonely fate,
I withdraw, to sorrow, to hope, to wait.
Copyright 1996 - 2006 Johannes vom Kreuzung