send the seeds out in the breeze (Girl!Dean/Castiel, Jimmy Novak)
Jimmy Novak wakes up again with a blinder of a headache and the face of the erstwhile Messiah, Dinah Winchester, looking down on him. He's lying in an unfamiliar bed and the sun is low on the horizon. Dinah is sitting on the edge of the bed wearing an honest to god dress. It is a pale lemon yellow with white flowers and does not quite touch her knees.
He's gone, she says, gone forever, this time I think.
She looks out the window. Jimmy thinks she's been crying.
Sam's in the next room. He almost died. I almost died. So did you- for a while I thought you weren't going to make it.
But we won? It's strange to hear his thoughts out loud again.
I guess. I brought you some food.
She gets up and hands him a tray which he falls on like the starving man he is. She watches him eat, measuring and weighing him with her eyes.
I called your wife, Dinah says wiping her hands on her skirt, she told me to tell you she divorced you and she's getting remarried to Robert. You shouldn't try to call her.
He doesn't look up, but he hears her close the door on her way out as she mercifully leaves before he starts to bawl his eyes out like a broken-hearted child.
When he finally gets out of bed he finds her on the porch, sitting with a coffee. One of the dogs is at her feet and the sun is beginning to slide down the horizon. Her hair's longer than the last time he was on his own in his body and he remembers dimly how much Castiel had longed to kiss her, to place the two hands that were not his on her waist and pull her close. She doesn't turn to look at him.
Are you angry? she asks.
I don't know. It's an honest answer. Are you?
Angry. The laughter from her is bitter. I am so angry, Jimmy, I don't even know how to say it.
Of course. Sam, while upstairs, still betrayed her. Castiel helped her turn back hell on a field of blood and kissed her once, hard and desperate before being pulled away from her. Dead Father, dead Mother. Dead brother, who had a normal life with attention and care from a man she idolised. Forty years in hell and a million little hurts and pains before and since. The woman they chose for a Messiah is barefoot in a borrowed dress. Who's ever going to know?
He wants to say something profound- he used to be good at it- but instead settles for putting a hand on her shoulder and standing next to her while the sun rises.
Sam eventually wakes up but Dinah doesn't go to him. Bobby takes him food and changes his bandages. The joy of averting an apocalypse hasn't wiped away the feeling of Sam's hands around her throat or the sound of the door slam as he left. Castiel had known these things but had not been able to reach out to help her or offer any comfort. Jimmy doesn't have that problem, so he finds himself where Dinah is more often than not. She still wears the borrowed sundresses, pale lemons and peaches that belong on another woman. Bobby hovers around both the Winchesters, always on the verge of saying something but pulling away at the final moment. Jimmy hasn't seen Sam, but Dinah has a thousand mile stare that discourages any kind of engagement on the issue and Jimmy is in his own way, on her side. When she isn't cooking or sleeping, she is usually on the porch, staring into the sky, bare legs tucked under her. Jimmy finds himself missing the Dinah in leather jacket and jeans, missing the thud of her army issue boots on cemetery dirt. The Impala sits idle in the yard, still lovingly cared for.
For the first time since this all started, Jimmy Novak prays. He fixes the image of Dinah as she was in his head, hands on the wheel and a grin on her face, teasing. He prays to God and to Castiel for some sort of miracle.
By the time Sam is up and walking, Jimmy is beginning to believe that what Zachariah said about God was true. God had left the building, God did not hear your prayers.
Sam is awkard on his feet like a baby animal, trying to stay within feet of a sister-mother who is clearly torn between bandaging his knees and wanting to slap him. One month becomes two and then three. The space between their orbits steadily decays until one day Sam comes back from a walk bearing flowers which he presents to Dinah with a little boy grin. The flowers aren't any kind Jimmy has ever seen, nor does further research give him a name. Their petals are tiny and white, like daisies, but the innermost petals blush with a deep, midnight blue.
The flowers sit on the table for weeks, yet they never wilt, never turn brown. The leaves remain as perfectly lovely as they were in Bobby's field. In the air he senses the calm presence of Thursday's patron angel, and he begins to hope.
He knows that the life in them is Castiel's gift to Dinah, even if she doesn't. He sits down and writes letters to his family in the old fashioned way, on stationary that smells the way Dinah's dresses do. He tells his daughter that he has always and will always love her more than light, more than air, more than he can contain within himself. For her mother he only has apologies and tears when he remembers the way her skin felt warmed by sweat and the touch of his hand.
He writes a letter to Dinah telling her not to worry for him, not to feel guilty about what she wants, about who she wants. I was never meant to survive, he says, god never left you, he was with you in hell and heaven.
You have the choice. Castiel says later as they stand in Jimmy's dream. The field in which they stand is filled with Dinah's flowers.
I know. But there's a place for me elsewhere, and a place for you here.
Do you think you will see my Father?
I think so. Did you make the flowers?
No, only my Father may do so. They are a gift to her, his favoured Daughter, from Him.
She'll like that, when you tell her. There's more to come though isn't there?
If Castiel was human, he would blush.
That remains to be seen, though my Father has spoken of....of children.
Jimmy grins at him.
I'm glad that he's back.
He's waiting for you.
******************************************
Six months later:
Dinah,
By the time you get this you've seen Castiel again. Your flowers have spread through the state and in a couple of months everyone will know their name, without even knowing how, they will know they are yours. I just wanted you to know that Jimmy found the big guy, I thought you would want to know that.
If my timing is right you are expecting your first child(ren)! It's twins, surpise!
Once they're born, the whole prophecy gig is going to pass to someone else. Then I can kick back with Becky and maybe even do some actual writing! But I do know that you should maybe consider a bigger nursery, or perhaps an extension?
Becky and I will visit and bring pie,
yours,
The Prophet Chuck Shirley
He's gone, she says, gone forever, this time I think.
She looks out the window. Jimmy thinks she's been crying.
Sam's in the next room. He almost died. I almost died. So did you- for a while I thought you weren't going to make it.
But we won? It's strange to hear his thoughts out loud again.
I guess. I brought you some food.
She gets up and hands him a tray which he falls on like the starving man he is. She watches him eat, measuring and weighing him with her eyes.
I called your wife, Dinah says wiping her hands on her skirt, she told me to tell you she divorced you and she's getting remarried to Robert. You shouldn't try to call her.
He doesn't look up, but he hears her close the door on her way out as she mercifully leaves before he starts to bawl his eyes out like a broken-hearted child.
When he finally gets out of bed he finds her on the porch, sitting with a coffee. One of the dogs is at her feet and the sun is beginning to slide down the horizon. Her hair's longer than the last time he was on his own in his body and he remembers dimly how much Castiel had longed to kiss her, to place the two hands that were not his on her waist and pull her close. She doesn't turn to look at him.
Are you angry? she asks.
I don't know. It's an honest answer. Are you?
Angry. The laughter from her is bitter. I am so angry, Jimmy, I don't even know how to say it.
Of course. Sam, while upstairs, still betrayed her. Castiel helped her turn back hell on a field of blood and kissed her once, hard and desperate before being pulled away from her. Dead Father, dead Mother. Dead brother, who had a normal life with attention and care from a man she idolised. Forty years in hell and a million little hurts and pains before and since. The woman they chose for a Messiah is barefoot in a borrowed dress. Who's ever going to know?
He wants to say something profound- he used to be good at it- but instead settles for putting a hand on her shoulder and standing next to her while the sun rises.
Sam eventually wakes up but Dinah doesn't go to him. Bobby takes him food and changes his bandages. The joy of averting an apocalypse hasn't wiped away the feeling of Sam's hands around her throat or the sound of the door slam as he left. Castiel had known these things but had not been able to reach out to help her or offer any comfort. Jimmy doesn't have that problem, so he finds himself where Dinah is more often than not. She still wears the borrowed sundresses, pale lemons and peaches that belong on another woman. Bobby hovers around both the Winchesters, always on the verge of saying something but pulling away at the final moment. Jimmy hasn't seen Sam, but Dinah has a thousand mile stare that discourages any kind of engagement on the issue and Jimmy is in his own way, on her side. When she isn't cooking or sleeping, she is usually on the porch, staring into the sky, bare legs tucked under her. Jimmy finds himself missing the Dinah in leather jacket and jeans, missing the thud of her army issue boots on cemetery dirt. The Impala sits idle in the yard, still lovingly cared for.
For the first time since this all started, Jimmy Novak prays. He fixes the image of Dinah as she was in his head, hands on the wheel and a grin on her face, teasing. He prays to God and to Castiel for some sort of miracle.
By the time Sam is up and walking, Jimmy is beginning to believe that what Zachariah said about God was true. God had left the building, God did not hear your prayers.
Sam is awkard on his feet like a baby animal, trying to stay within feet of a sister-mother who is clearly torn between bandaging his knees and wanting to slap him. One month becomes two and then three. The space between their orbits steadily decays until one day Sam comes back from a walk bearing flowers which he presents to Dinah with a little boy grin. The flowers aren't any kind Jimmy has ever seen, nor does further research give him a name. Their petals are tiny and white, like daisies, but the innermost petals blush with a deep, midnight blue.
The flowers sit on the table for weeks, yet they never wilt, never turn brown. The leaves remain as perfectly lovely as they were in Bobby's field. In the air he senses the calm presence of Thursday's patron angel, and he begins to hope.
He knows that the life in them is Castiel's gift to Dinah, even if she doesn't. He sits down and writes letters to his family in the old fashioned way, on stationary that smells the way Dinah's dresses do. He tells his daughter that he has always and will always love her more than light, more than air, more than he can contain within himself. For her mother he only has apologies and tears when he remembers the way her skin felt warmed by sweat and the touch of his hand.
He writes a letter to Dinah telling her not to worry for him, not to feel guilty about what she wants, about who she wants. I was never meant to survive, he says, god never left you, he was with you in hell and heaven.
You have the choice. Castiel says later as they stand in Jimmy's dream. The field in which they stand is filled with Dinah's flowers.
I know. But there's a place for me elsewhere, and a place for you here.
Do you think you will see my Father?
I think so. Did you make the flowers?
No, only my Father may do so. They are a gift to her, his favoured Daughter, from Him.
She'll like that, when you tell her. There's more to come though isn't there?
If Castiel was human, he would blush.
That remains to be seen, though my Father has spoken of....of children.
Jimmy grins at him.
I'm glad that he's back.
He's waiting for you.
******************************************
Six months later:
Dinah,
By the time you get this you've seen Castiel again. Your flowers have spread through the state and in a couple of months everyone will know their name, without even knowing how, they will know they are yours. I just wanted you to know that Jimmy found the big guy, I thought you would want to know that.
If my timing is right you are expecting your first child(ren)! It's twins, surpise!
Once they're born, the whole prophecy gig is going to pass to someone else. Then I can kick back with Becky and maybe even do some actual writing! But I do know that you should maybe consider a bigger nursery, or perhaps an extension?
Becky and I will visit and bring pie,
yours,
The Prophet Chuck Shirley