i can't bring myself around to write an excuse this time...
maybe he'll never remember that i came and went.
...i don't really know what that means yet.
perhaps the point is that i tried.
will i keep trying?
should i?
wasn't it supposed to get better from here?
i mean i already kind of felt like shit.
in both the immediate and extended senses of the word.
perhaps putting two shitty people together was a bad plan to begin with.
maybe i'm the one that will get bored first.
i guess i'm less used to this bullshit that some people pretend to call love.
if this is what i was missing then i wasted a lot of time.
and sacrificed a lot of self-respect.
maybe i'm just too tired to be so concerned with this right now.
i don't eat anymore. not so much by choice as by the lack of time and my stomach's lack of compatibility with food recently. i'm failing all of my classes. some people think they need me when they don't, some people don't want me when i need them. can't fucking win. i don't sleep right anymore- i can't sleep when i want to and i can't wake up when i have to. i can motivate myself to dive shamelessly into situations that can only end badly but i can't move myself do go do homework. art. art doesn't hurt (yet). not like this, anyway. i can't wait to go home, but as soon as i do, i'll feel guilty for not being here.
and if you still believe
that men guilty of love can survive
then hang 'em high
or not at all.
fuck it, i'm going to bed.
...i don't really know what that means yet.
perhaps the point is that i tried.
will i keep trying?
should i?
wasn't it supposed to get better from here?
i mean i already kind of felt like shit.
in both the immediate and extended senses of the word.
perhaps putting two shitty people together was a bad plan to begin with.
maybe i'm the one that will get bored first.
i guess i'm less used to this bullshit that some people pretend to call love.
if this is what i was missing then i wasted a lot of time.
and sacrificed a lot of self-respect.
maybe i'm just too tired to be so concerned with this right now.
i don't eat anymore. not so much by choice as by the lack of time and my stomach's lack of compatibility with food recently. i'm failing all of my classes. some people think they need me when they don't, some people don't want me when i need them. can't fucking win. i don't sleep right anymore- i can't sleep when i want to and i can't wake up when i have to. i can motivate myself to dive shamelessly into situations that can only end badly but i can't move myself do go do homework. art. art doesn't hurt (yet). not like this, anyway. i can't wait to go home, but as soon as i do, i'll feel guilty for not being here.
and if you still believe
that men guilty of love can survive
then hang 'em high
or not at all.
fuck it, i'm going to bed.