[ooc] Ikki on people, broken wings, the CFUW fallouts, and response essays to hookers.
Sob so Prussia and Dera essayed and now they're saying I have to do it. And I hate essaying but I wanted to essay on certain stuff ANYWAY. IF THIS IS NOT COHERENT I apologize. ;;b I SPENT FIVE HOURS ON THIS WITH CONSTANT "ARE YOU DONE?"s and "LOL" and sob.
Ikki's Views on People
To get into later stuff I'm going to essay about, I should probably explain how I feel Ikki sees other people.
To put it lightly - Ikki gets what he wants. He is a selfish bastard who has no problems fighting for what he wants until he gets it, because he knows, eventually, that he will. This is seen very clearly in how Ikki deals with his goals and accomplishes them - he knows what he wants, he will figure out how to get what he wants, and goddammit HE WILL GET IT.
Ikki is also a very "in the now" kind of person. Sure, he's got his goals, but you never see him think beyond them until he's accomplished what he wants to do. There is never any talk of what happens after the Tower. It's "We're doing this now, so we can get to the top". And the Tower isn't so much a future goal anymore; it's right there on the horizon, a few battles away. And yet, even then, there is not much past that until they win. There is no looking back.
And this goes into how he deals with people. If he wants to get close to someone? He's damn well gonna do it. In a way, it's like he's setting a goal - there are barriers in his way, and he has to break them down until he's victorious. This is a Big Thing when it comes to people and their broken wings, but that's something I'll get into a bit later.
But in a way, people aren't getting close to Ikki, he's the one getting close to them. It's a selfish thing, but it's how Ikki functions. With a dominating personality like his, it's his move, his decision, his everything. There are very few exceptions to this, and even then, Ikki never sees it that way.
This is, I think, why there aren't many people actually close to Ikki - he's got plenty of friends, sure, and he's a popular guy with an "endearingly" retarded pesonality. But as for people who're actually close to him, who can understand him and his selfish way of thinking?
It's a fairly low number if you don't count Kogarasumaru. He picks and chooses these people in a similar way to how he picks his team - and it's basically something like "If I get close to this person, will they give me something I need?" And again, it's a very selfish way of thinking, but again, it's how he functions.
As for the people he does chose - it's their strengths or potential strengths he focuses on, things he can see at that moment. This is why first impressions to someone like Ikki are a Big Deal - he is the kind of person to judge from just that. Again, it's his "in the now" way of treating things that makes him go off of that.
And this is why things in the past don't matter to him. There's no looking back, right? So why should he judge people off stuff that's already happened? Unless it has some kind of effect on him, Ikki doesn't care. The past is something that chains people to the Earth, and Ikki is someone who belongs in the sky. That really is the plainest way of saying it.
Broken Wings
Moving on . . . Akito mentioned in their honesty thread that Ikki has a pattern with people he gathers, and this is so painfully true it isn't even funny. Ikki seeks out people with issues - broken or damaged wings, people who can't fly the way they want or at all because something (or somethings) keep them on the ground. If you look at just who he's gathered in camp - Zexion, Fay, Kurogane, Gokudera, Raikou, Prussia to name a few - they all fit into that pattern in some way, shape or form.
This isn't an entirely conscious thing. He can't really . . . tell people are like that when he first meets them. But once he figures it out, well. All bets are off!
In a way, this isn't to help them. As I've said, Ikki is selfish. He gets something out of this too! But he is in fact trying to help them in his own way - but getting close to them, by showing them how to fly, he's giving them what they need to heal their wings so they can fly on their own. He can't make people fly - and he's well aware of that and has no intentions of forcing it on people. Like he said to shadow!Prussia, all he can do is lend them some of his feathers and show them how to do it.
This isn't to say he doesn't care and doesn't want to help - but he can't if they won't let him. He'll listen if people want to talk out stuff, he'll offer what strength he can, but in the end, it's up to them. He's just there to guide the way.
CFUW Fallouts and Where Ikki Stands In This Mess
So right now, Ikki is in a . . . really bad place. Hell, all of Kogarasumaru is. Not only are two of theirs in the game (Emiri, Prussia), but Ikki also has a few friends in there, too. All of which, as of last night, are MIA or coma'd.
Ikki's views on the game are very plain - he hates the game, hates what it makes people do with choosing who lives and who dies, and he wants nothing to do it. But because his people are involved, it means he's involved. So he's basically been tossed back into the game without actually being in it, if that makes sense. That's how he sees it, anyway.
So finding out the game is happening again and that his people are in it just -- hit him really hard. He went through hell in that game, and it turned out horrible in the end and he just. Really, really hates it. There is also some issues with that game starting up the whole thing with Dietrich too, but.
But because teammates are involved, he has been doing his best not to fall apart this entire week. Because he can't! He's the leader - people are going to look to him for guidance, and if he's not there to do it, who will? It's his responsibility to keep his team from falling apart and will worry about himself second.
It's easy to put it like this, especially after rambling on and on about how selfish Ikki is; 90% of the time Ikki IS a selfish, arrogant bastard. This is why from an outsider's view it looks like he doesn't get the respect he demands, why his team beats on him, etc. He comes off as a punk kid who puts himself on a pedestal. But it's that other 10% that's the reason why his team is so loyal to him. Part of that is Ikki honestly and truly does care for his team and his people. In his selfish way of thinking, they're his, and he takes care of what belongs to him.
And that is why, right there, he's been able to stay as strong as he's been. He's had his moments, of course - flipping out at Gokudera, almost losing it with Prussia, and then again when Zexion returned - but he's been able to bounce because for one important reason:
He's needed. As I said, he's the leader. He has to be there for his people, because he's needed. And in a way, this is what keeps Ikki together, too - knowing that he can keep his team together, be strong for them, and if any of that helps them, it helps him too. It gives him something to focus on, something that is actually really important to him.
Because honestly? Ikki isn't good at much else. He can sympathize on some level with Emiri and Prussia about the game, and can definitely sympathize with Raikou about it, but he can't be that person who's comforting because he really doesn't know how to. His way of comfrting is to stand there and tell people to buck up, we're fucking KOGARASUMARU and we'll get through this. And this works, because he BELIEVES in this, so damn much. Kogarasumaru is everything to him, he knows their potential, their everything - and if they can make it through shit back home, they can make it through here, even if it's a shitty game.
Another reason he needs this is because otherwise he's useless. He isn't a wizard or an RPG character or hell, he has no super powers of his own; there really isn't anything he CAN do other than be there for his team. And being there for his team is what keeps his mind off how useless he really is in all of this. Despite people letting him get involved and whatnot, all he has is his fists and the wind. And even Ikki knows that's not enough in the long run when it comes to all this fighting.
So the fact that he's keeping it together even now - knowing all his important people in the game have been killed/something's going on with them where ARE they, knowing he's useless when it comes down to it - just goes to show how much Ikki needs his team sometimes, just like they need him. And this goes back to why he gathered them in the first place - he needs something from them, so he gives them something in return. It's basically just give and take.
Dera and Prussia Or more specifically, Dera and Prussia wanted me to essay back because they suck.
SO LET ME START WITH DERA. Oh man. As seen above, this has not been a good week for Ikki. And Gokudera and Ikki are known for their ridiculous arguments and mini-fallouts and big-fallouts. So with Ikki being like this - tired, frustrated, and trying to keep it together for his team - well. He's really not thinking when he speaks.
Basic overview of Ikki's thoughts on Dera: He's one of Ikki's in a very different way. Not in the same way his team is, or his family, or even Zexion or Prussia. Dera already belongs to Tsuna, in the way that Ikki sees it. But Dera is also his friend, his ally, and someone he went after OVER AND OVER to get past barriers and whatnot to get close to Dera. Because Dera has something Ikki needs - that thing where he has no problem telling Ikki he sucks and he fails and even IF it pisses Ikki off to the point where it causes some of their fallouts, well. Ikki still needs it. In return, Ikki puts his complete trust in him - and has said as much, during one of said fallouts.
SO REFERENCING DERA'S ESSAY, saying what he did was kind of stupid. But it's also what he DOES. Any member of Kogarasumaru couldn't shown up and Ikki would say the exact same thing, or hell, accuse them worse. That's just how they are! Dumb boys who put the blame on each other first THEN trying to figure out what really happened later.
But the problem with doing this to Dera is that Dera misinterprets it. And thus Ikki hits one of Dera's bad pings and triggers a falling out. And it couldn't have come at a WORSE time because Ikki could really use Dera's support, despite him bitching at him the other night for calling him useless and questioning his abilities as a leader, which is something Ikki REALLY didn't need to hear at the time.
And right now? It's mean, but Ikki really . . . doesn't care. Well I should say - he can't care. Ikki's team takes priority over EVERYTHING - and as close as he and Dera are, he can't take the time to fix things right now. To put it bluntly - both of them would drop everything for their groups, without care for the other. It shows how loyal they are and whatnot. And that's what Ikki's doing right now - his team, his people need him - and Dera is not one of the people who really needs him right now. Therefore, having a fallout over Ikki accusing Dera of blowing up the treehouse at the wrong time is something that'll have to wait to get fixed. :/
Now onto Prussia. Oh Prussia. How the fuck did you get so close so fast?
Ikki and Prussia are very similar - they're retards, they fight a lot, they beat on each other. He FITS IN with the kind of people Ikki usually becomes friends with. And then after finding out Prussia was one of the country people, well. He couldn't not try, right?
Ikki did NOT expect him to take the offer. It was a out-of-nowhere suggestion to which he figured Prussia would laugh at him and tell him to fuck off and get a life. But no, Prussia did just the opposite, asked him what it would entail, etc . . . and thus Ikki had his first country person.
It was that thread that tipped Ikki off to how broken Prussia's wings might've been. A guy who lost all his territory, written out of existence and hated by his peers? Who obviously wants to keep flying? Well shit, that fits right into his pattern.
It was also in that thread that Prussia first learned about Dietrich - and just how much it scares Ikki to have to deal with this. And Prussia gave him advice! Advice he's been TRYING TO LISTEN TO. And this is a big thing, because Ikki doesn't normally listen to people - there are very few people who can get through to Ikki, and the fact that Prussia could do that so soon was a big thing.
There's also just . . . the fact that Ikki really does like Prussia. He is that Older Figure that Ikki . . . well. He doesn't have that right now. He has Zexion, who is a Mentor Type, and he has Raikou who is a Brother Type, and then there's Fay and Kurogane who are the parents. Prussia fills in the role that Sora had at one point - a mentor and a brother and someone Ikki kind of looks up to who can function on his level wrapped into a shounen retard.
Nishi put it in a great way one day when we were talking - Prussia is what Sora should've been. Or in another way, what Sora was before everything SPOILERED. And I think that this is part of the reason Prussia was able to get so close, so fast - it's familiar to Ikki, to have that kind of figure there. Something he's been lacking since Sora betrayed everyone.
And in all honesty, with everything that's been going on, he hasn't had time to sit and actually think about this - how he let someone else in on his side, especially someone of That Type who . . . he really kind of doesn't want. Not that he won't take it, because he knows he needs it in a way. It's just that it hurt him once in the past - and even though his wings are stronger than before, there's still that slight fear of betrayal happening.
So after this is all said and done, and Prussia wakes up and Ikki beats the everliving shit out of him, he'll have time to think it out. And he might even distance himself a bit to do it, because it's so much in so little time. The honesty post, CFUW, the dream - all of this just brought his defenses down more so Prussia could sneak in and catch him off-guard. So obviously he's gotta reevaluate his barriers and make them stronger. :|
AND THAT'S THAT. Any questions, comments and whatnot I'll happily answer. :|b Because like hell is all of this coherent.
Ikki's Views on People
To get into later stuff I'm going to essay about, I should probably explain how I feel Ikki sees other people.
To put it lightly - Ikki gets what he wants. He is a selfish bastard who has no problems fighting for what he wants until he gets it, because he knows, eventually, that he will. This is seen very clearly in how Ikki deals with his goals and accomplishes them - he knows what he wants, he will figure out how to get what he wants, and goddammit HE WILL GET IT.
Ikki is also a very "in the now" kind of person. Sure, he's got his goals, but you never see him think beyond them until he's accomplished what he wants to do. There is never any talk of what happens after the Tower. It's "We're doing this now, so we can get to the top". And the Tower isn't so much a future goal anymore; it's right there on the horizon, a few battles away. And yet, even then, there is not much past that until they win. There is no looking back.
And this goes into how he deals with people. If he wants to get close to someone? He's damn well gonna do it. In a way, it's like he's setting a goal - there are barriers in his way, and he has to break them down until he's victorious. This is a Big Thing when it comes to people and their broken wings, but that's something I'll get into a bit later.
But in a way, people aren't getting close to Ikki, he's the one getting close to them. It's a selfish thing, but it's how Ikki functions. With a dominating personality like his, it's his move, his decision, his everything. There are very few exceptions to this, and even then, Ikki never sees it that way.
This is, I think, why there aren't many people actually close to Ikki - he's got plenty of friends, sure, and he's a popular guy with an "endearingly" retarded pesonality. But as for people who're actually close to him, who can understand him and his selfish way of thinking?
It's a fairly low number if you don't count Kogarasumaru. He picks and chooses these people in a similar way to how he picks his team - and it's basically something like "If I get close to this person, will they give me something I need?" And again, it's a very selfish way of thinking, but again, it's how he functions.
As for the people he does chose - it's their strengths or potential strengths he focuses on, things he can see at that moment. This is why first impressions to someone like Ikki are a Big Deal - he is the kind of person to judge from just that. Again, it's his "in the now" way of treating things that makes him go off of that.
And this is why things in the past don't matter to him. There's no looking back, right? So why should he judge people off stuff that's already happened? Unless it has some kind of effect on him, Ikki doesn't care. The past is something that chains people to the Earth, and Ikki is someone who belongs in the sky. That really is the plainest way of saying it.
Broken Wings
Moving on . . . Akito mentioned in their honesty thread that Ikki has a pattern with people he gathers, and this is so painfully true it isn't even funny. Ikki seeks out people with issues - broken or damaged wings, people who can't fly the way they want or at all because something (or somethings) keep them on the ground. If you look at just who he's gathered in camp - Zexion, Fay, Kurogane, Gokudera, Raikou, Prussia to name a few - they all fit into that pattern in some way, shape or form.
This isn't an entirely conscious thing. He can't really . . . tell people are like that when he first meets them. But once he figures it out, well. All bets are off!
In a way, this isn't to help them. As I've said, Ikki is selfish. He gets something out of this too! But he is in fact trying to help them in his own way - but getting close to them, by showing them how to fly, he's giving them what they need to heal their wings so they can fly on their own. He can't make people fly - and he's well aware of that and has no intentions of forcing it on people. Like he said to shadow!Prussia, all he can do is lend them some of his feathers and show them how to do it.
This isn't to say he doesn't care and doesn't want to help - but he can't if they won't let him. He'll listen if people want to talk out stuff, he'll offer what strength he can, but in the end, it's up to them. He's just there to guide the way.
CFUW Fallouts and Where Ikki Stands In This Mess
So right now, Ikki is in a . . . really bad place. Hell, all of Kogarasumaru is. Not only are two of theirs in the game (Emiri, Prussia), but Ikki also has a few friends in there, too. All of which, as of last night, are MIA or coma'd.
Ikki's views on the game are very plain - he hates the game, hates what it makes people do with choosing who lives and who dies, and he wants nothing to do it. But because his people are involved, it means he's involved. So he's basically been tossed back into the game without actually being in it, if that makes sense. That's how he sees it, anyway.
So finding out the game is happening again and that his people are in it just -- hit him really hard. He went through hell in that game, and it turned out horrible in the end and he just. Really, really hates it. There is also some issues with that game starting up the whole thing with Dietrich too, but.
But because teammates are involved, he has been doing his best not to fall apart this entire week. Because he can't! He's the leader - people are going to look to him for guidance, and if he's not there to do it, who will? It's his responsibility to keep his team from falling apart and will worry about himself second.
It's easy to put it like this, especially after rambling on and on about how selfish Ikki is; 90% of the time Ikki IS a selfish, arrogant bastard. This is why from an outsider's view it looks like he doesn't get the respect he demands, why his team beats on him, etc. He comes off as a punk kid who puts himself on a pedestal. But it's that other 10% that's the reason why his team is so loyal to him. Part of that is Ikki honestly and truly does care for his team and his people. In his selfish way of thinking, they're his, and he takes care of what belongs to him.
And that is why, right there, he's been able to stay as strong as he's been. He's had his moments, of course - flipping out at Gokudera, almost losing it with Prussia, and then again when Zexion returned - but he's been able to bounce because for one important reason:
He's needed. As I said, he's the leader. He has to be there for his people, because he's needed. And in a way, this is what keeps Ikki together, too - knowing that he can keep his team together, be strong for them, and if any of that helps them, it helps him too. It gives him something to focus on, something that is actually really important to him.
Because honestly? Ikki isn't good at much else. He can sympathize on some level with Emiri and Prussia about the game, and can definitely sympathize with Raikou about it, but he can't be that person who's comforting because he really doesn't know how to. His way of comfrting is to stand there and tell people to buck up, we're fucking KOGARASUMARU and we'll get through this. And this works, because he BELIEVES in this, so damn much. Kogarasumaru is everything to him, he knows their potential, their everything - and if they can make it through shit back home, they can make it through here, even if it's a shitty game.
Another reason he needs this is because otherwise he's useless. He isn't a wizard or an RPG character or hell, he has no super powers of his own; there really isn't anything he CAN do other than be there for his team. And being there for his team is what keeps his mind off how useless he really is in all of this. Despite people letting him get involved and whatnot, all he has is his fists and the wind. And even Ikki knows that's not enough in the long run when it comes to all this fighting.
So the fact that he's keeping it together even now - knowing all his important people in the game have been killed/something's going on with them where ARE they, knowing he's useless when it comes down to it - just goes to show how much Ikki needs his team sometimes, just like they need him. And this goes back to why he gathered them in the first place - he needs something from them, so he gives them something in return. It's basically just give and take.
Dera and Prussia Or more specifically, Dera and Prussia wanted me to essay back because they suck.
SO LET ME START WITH DERA. Oh man. As seen above, this has not been a good week for Ikki. And Gokudera and Ikki are known for their ridiculous arguments and mini-fallouts and big-fallouts. So with Ikki being like this - tired, frustrated, and trying to keep it together for his team - well. He's really not thinking when he speaks.
Basic overview of Ikki's thoughts on Dera: He's one of Ikki's in a very different way. Not in the same way his team is, or his family, or even Zexion or Prussia. Dera already belongs to Tsuna, in the way that Ikki sees it. But Dera is also his friend, his ally, and someone he went after OVER AND OVER to get past barriers and whatnot to get close to Dera. Because Dera has something Ikki needs - that thing where he has no problem telling Ikki he sucks and he fails and even IF it pisses Ikki off to the point where it causes some of their fallouts, well. Ikki still needs it. In return, Ikki puts his complete trust in him - and has said as much, during one of said fallouts.
SO REFERENCING DERA'S ESSAY, saying what he did was kind of stupid. But it's also what he DOES. Any member of Kogarasumaru couldn't shown up and Ikki would say the exact same thing, or hell, accuse them worse. That's just how they are! Dumb boys who put the blame on each other first THEN trying to figure out what really happened later.
But the problem with doing this to Dera is that Dera misinterprets it. And thus Ikki hits one of Dera's bad pings and triggers a falling out. And it couldn't have come at a WORSE time because Ikki could really use Dera's support, despite him bitching at him the other night for calling him useless and questioning his abilities as a leader, which is something Ikki REALLY didn't need to hear at the time.
And right now? It's mean, but Ikki really . . . doesn't care. Well I should say - he can't care. Ikki's team takes priority over EVERYTHING - and as close as he and Dera are, he can't take the time to fix things right now. To put it bluntly - both of them would drop everything for their groups, without care for the other. It shows how loyal they are and whatnot. And that's what Ikki's doing right now - his team, his people need him - and Dera is not one of the people who really needs him right now. Therefore, having a fallout over Ikki accusing Dera of blowing up the treehouse at the wrong time is something that'll have to wait to get fixed. :/
Now onto Prussia. Oh Prussia. How the fuck did you get so close so fast?
Ikki and Prussia are very similar - they're retards, they fight a lot, they beat on each other. He FITS IN with the kind of people Ikki usually becomes friends with. And then after finding out Prussia was one of the country people, well. He couldn't not try, right?
Ikki did NOT expect him to take the offer. It was a out-of-nowhere suggestion to which he figured Prussia would laugh at him and tell him to fuck off and get a life. But no, Prussia did just the opposite, asked him what it would entail, etc . . . and thus Ikki had his first country person.
It was that thread that tipped Ikki off to how broken Prussia's wings might've been. A guy who lost all his territory, written out of existence and hated by his peers? Who obviously wants to keep flying? Well shit, that fits right into his pattern.
It was also in that thread that Prussia first learned about Dietrich - and just how much it scares Ikki to have to deal with this. And Prussia gave him advice! Advice he's been TRYING TO LISTEN TO. And this is a big thing, because Ikki doesn't normally listen to people - there are very few people who can get through to Ikki, and the fact that Prussia could do that so soon was a big thing.
There's also just . . . the fact that Ikki really does like Prussia. He is that Older Figure that Ikki . . . well. He doesn't have that right now. He has Zexion, who is a Mentor Type, and he has Raikou who is a Brother Type, and then there's Fay and Kurogane who are the parents. Prussia fills in the role that Sora had at one point - a mentor and a brother and someone Ikki kind of looks up to who can function on his level wrapped into a shounen retard.
Nishi put it in a great way one day when we were talking - Prussia is what Sora should've been. Or in another way, what Sora was before everything SPOILERED. And I think that this is part of the reason Prussia was able to get so close, so fast - it's familiar to Ikki, to have that kind of figure there. Something he's been lacking since Sora betrayed everyone.
And in all honesty, with everything that's been going on, he hasn't had time to sit and actually think about this - how he let someone else in on his side, especially someone of That Type who . . . he really kind of doesn't want. Not that he won't take it, because he knows he needs it in a way. It's just that it hurt him once in the past - and even though his wings are stronger than before, there's still that slight fear of betrayal happening.
So after this is all said and done, and Prussia wakes up and Ikki beats the everliving shit out of him, he'll have time to think it out. And he might even distance himself a bit to do it, because it's so much in so little time. The honesty post, CFUW, the dream - all of this just brought his defenses down more so Prussia could sneak in and catch him off-guard. So obviously he's gotta reevaluate his barriers and make them stronger. :|
AND THAT'S THAT. Any questions, comments and whatnot I'll happily answer. :|b Because like hell is all of this coherent.