Minority Report
So this is what it feels like to be a minority. I walked out of the theatre tonight, shaking my head. Most everyone else was clapping, cheering, or still gazing raptly at the screen. The movie? Transformers.
I knew I was in trouble early on, during the first robot attack. My thoughts ran something like this "Oh, that looks kind of cool. A bit blurry, though. I hope that's not what it's like for the rest of the movie. ... You've got to be kidding me." I can't really put into words the contempt I have for this movie, because it's not just about the bad plot or the terrible acting. It was as though the movie just started off on the wrong foot, and then proceeded to sway drunkenly for the next two and a half hours. The characters are a mix of (a) attractive, young twentysomethings with improbable talents ("Oh hay! I just graduated from high school in Australia but apparently I'm qualified to advise the Secretary of Defense on this robot invasion. Did you notice my breasts?") or (b) aging government agents who just can't wrap their minds around these newfangled techno-whatchamacallits. These people drive and run around almost aimlessly, speaking in clichés, screaming constantly, and usually managing to stand directly in the way of the giant robots. As for the giant robots, I hate to say it but they all looked the same. If you're going to colour code them so the audience can distinguish them, try using more colours than yellow, light yellow, grey, dark grey, and metallic grey. I'm pretty sure the fight scenes would have been more engaging if it didn't look like a metal spider orgy half the time.
As for the levels of product placement in the film, it seemed that more screen time was devoted to the Chevy/GMC and Apple logos than to many supporting characters. And really, thank god. I'd rather watch a hood ornament for an hour than sit through another minute of Shia LaBeouf's hamfisted attempts at playing an awkward teenager. Actually, that's a pretty good summation of the movie in itself. The first half is Shia LaBeouf acting like a loser in highschool while he drives a cool car, and then the car turns into a robot with robot friends who turn into other expensive cars. Through it all, Shia LaBeouf is still a loser, and his juvie sidekick is still a tramp. But, if you want to see plenty of closeups of them gazing at each other while the sun shines in the background and makes their sweat look sexy, and more blurry robot fight scenes than a hyperactive six-year-old could stand, then I guess this is the movie for you.
I knew I was in trouble early on, during the first robot attack. My thoughts ran something like this "Oh, that looks kind of cool. A bit blurry, though. I hope that's not what it's like for the rest of the movie. ... You've got to be kidding me." I can't really put into words the contempt I have for this movie, because it's not just about the bad plot or the terrible acting. It was as though the movie just started off on the wrong foot, and then proceeded to sway drunkenly for the next two and a half hours. The characters are a mix of (a) attractive, young twentysomethings with improbable talents ("Oh hay! I just graduated from high school in Australia but apparently I'm qualified to advise the Secretary of Defense on this robot invasion. Did you notice my breasts?") or (b) aging government agents who just can't wrap their minds around these newfangled techno-whatchamacallits. These people drive and run around almost aimlessly, speaking in clichés, screaming constantly, and usually managing to stand directly in the way of the giant robots. As for the giant robots, I hate to say it but they all looked the same. If you're going to colour code them so the audience can distinguish them, try using more colours than yellow, light yellow, grey, dark grey, and metallic grey. I'm pretty sure the fight scenes would have been more engaging if it didn't look like a metal spider orgy half the time.
As for the levels of product placement in the film, it seemed that more screen time was devoted to the Chevy/GMC and Apple logos than to many supporting characters. And really, thank god. I'd rather watch a hood ornament for an hour than sit through another minute of Shia LaBeouf's hamfisted attempts at playing an awkward teenager. Actually, that's a pretty good summation of the movie in itself. The first half is Shia LaBeouf acting like a loser in highschool while he drives a cool car, and then the car turns into a robot with robot friends who turn into other expensive cars. Through it all, Shia LaBeouf is still a loser, and his juvie sidekick is still a tramp. But, if you want to see plenty of closeups of them gazing at each other while the sun shines in the background and makes their sweat look sexy, and more blurry robot fight scenes than a hyperactive six-year-old could stand, then I guess this is the movie for you.