Why hello there
7 months later...
Hello, nobody that reads this. Here is what you missed.
In January, I finally got a girlfriend. She was cute, was massively into cosplay, I finally thought things were turning around for me. Two months later, she dumps me because I'm "too nice." Fucking fantastic. Oh, I gave her my virginity too. Whoops. Serves me right for trying to treat her how I only know how, I guess? And now I am still failing miserably at getting over her. I absolutely still love her with all my heart and would do anything to be able to have her back. I miss cuddling with her. I miss fooling around with her. I miss falling asleep beside somebody I can trust with everything that I am, and who I can kiss when I wake up. Yeah, I miss the sex, don't get me wrong. But I could survive without the sex; I could have during the relationship and I could now. What I miss is being able to finally, after a quarter century of waiting, be emotionally dependent on somebody else. Having that ripped away from you, via text message no less, really really hurts. Still. It's been four months now. Twice as long as the relationship lasted. And still, every night I pray for the same thing. That I could either have her back, or that I would finally get over her and be genuinely happy with just being friends. Because try as I might, it's not happening for me yet. I don't know if this is punishment or what, to be stuck like this. If it is, I guess I deserve it. It just sucks when you would do basically anything to get somebody back, but you know that anything and everything still is not enough. So back to lonely nights in a lonely room laying in a lonely bed. There really are no words for how much I miss her. I wish it would stop with every ounce of my being. Well, the ounces that aren't busy wishing I could have her back. Which is all of me. But whatever.
I moved out last Sunday. Finally escaped the parents. Don't get me wrong, I love them obviously. They treated me very well. But I just couldn't do it anymore. What finally pushed it over the edge was that after a midnight movie watching with a friend, we were too pooped to take her home. So we slept in a bed downstairs - she was cold, and I am a human furnace. Nothing happened, we never even took our clothes off, etc. And what do my parents do? A week and a half later, the day they leave on a two week vacation, they leave a letter on my laptop chastising me for daring to sleep on the same floor of the house as a girl. Not the same bed, the same FLOOR OF THE HOUSE. Like, wtf. Anyways, that kinda did it for me. It's my life, and ill lead it however the fuck I wish.
The new place is pretty sweet. There's a pool, a gym, and a sauna in the basement. Living with two friends of mine, so good times all around.
Thats more or less it. Worked Canadian and US nationals for Pokemon again this year. Working Worlds in a few weeks. Yay for free trips all over the place, and stuff.
And yet all I can think about is how much I wish I could share my vacation with her. I would like to believe that I actually do know how to treat a girl, and that trying to be caring and supportive and just unconditionally love them despite their faults is how its supposed to work. It's just still really hard to believe that right now.
"Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I met you, I have been changed for good." Whether I like it or not.
Hello, nobody that reads this. Here is what you missed.
In January, I finally got a girlfriend. She was cute, was massively into cosplay, I finally thought things were turning around for me. Two months later, she dumps me because I'm "too nice." Fucking fantastic. Oh, I gave her my virginity too. Whoops. Serves me right for trying to treat her how I only know how, I guess? And now I am still failing miserably at getting over her. I absolutely still love her with all my heart and would do anything to be able to have her back. I miss cuddling with her. I miss fooling around with her. I miss falling asleep beside somebody I can trust with everything that I am, and who I can kiss when I wake up. Yeah, I miss the sex, don't get me wrong. But I could survive without the sex; I could have during the relationship and I could now. What I miss is being able to finally, after a quarter century of waiting, be emotionally dependent on somebody else. Having that ripped away from you, via text message no less, really really hurts. Still. It's been four months now. Twice as long as the relationship lasted. And still, every night I pray for the same thing. That I could either have her back, or that I would finally get over her and be genuinely happy with just being friends. Because try as I might, it's not happening for me yet. I don't know if this is punishment or what, to be stuck like this. If it is, I guess I deserve it. It just sucks when you would do basically anything to get somebody back, but you know that anything and everything still is not enough. So back to lonely nights in a lonely room laying in a lonely bed. There really are no words for how much I miss her. I wish it would stop with every ounce of my being. Well, the ounces that aren't busy wishing I could have her back. Which is all of me. But whatever.
I moved out last Sunday. Finally escaped the parents. Don't get me wrong, I love them obviously. They treated me very well. But I just couldn't do it anymore. What finally pushed it over the edge was that after a midnight movie watching with a friend, we were too pooped to take her home. So we slept in a bed downstairs - she was cold, and I am a human furnace. Nothing happened, we never even took our clothes off, etc. And what do my parents do? A week and a half later, the day they leave on a two week vacation, they leave a letter on my laptop chastising me for daring to sleep on the same floor of the house as a girl. Not the same bed, the same FLOOR OF THE HOUSE. Like, wtf. Anyways, that kinda did it for me. It's my life, and ill lead it however the fuck I wish.
The new place is pretty sweet. There's a pool, a gym, and a sauna in the basement. Living with two friends of mine, so good times all around.
Thats more or less it. Worked Canadian and US nationals for Pokemon again this year. Working Worlds in a few weeks. Yay for free trips all over the place, and stuff.
And yet all I can think about is how much I wish I could share my vacation with her. I would like to believe that I actually do know how to treat a girl, and that trying to be caring and supportive and just unconditionally love them despite their faults is how its supposed to work. It's just still really hard to believe that right now.
"Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I met you, I have been changed for good." Whether I like it or not.