New Sketch: Shy or Judgemental
Shy or Judgemental?
(LIGHTS UP. Game show set. Contestants ADAM and KERRY stand at their podiums. Host KENT runs out)
Kent: Hello, hello, and welcome to Shy or Judgmental, Silver Lake’s hottest game show! You ever meet someone who’s kinda distant and you can’t tell if they’re just nervous or if they hate you? Then this is the game show for you! Let’s meet our first character… Portland.
(Portland walks out, packing a pack of cigarettes and looking at the ground.)
Kent: Contestants, is Portland shy, or judgmental?
Adam: Is Portland a nickname?
Portland: Real name.
Kerry: What kind of music do you listen to?
Portland: Athens Georgia bands, mostly, stuff you've never heard of.
Kerry: He’s insulting my intelligence so I’m leaning judgmental!
Kent: But remember, Kerry, he may be so shy that he doesn't know he's being rude!
Adam: Hey you’re interesting, we should hang out sometime.
Portland: Aw, I'm kinda busy with my band...
Adam: (HITS BUZZER, HOLDS UP SIGN) Judgmental!
Kent: Correct! Ten points to Adam. And here comes Francine!
(PORTLAND exits, FRANCINE enters, looking at her hands & the ground)
Kerry: So how was your night last night?
Francine: Ugh. Uh, nice, I guess?
Adam: Hey, we should get coffee sometime.
Francine: Ah... I'd need to check my schedule.
Kerry: (HITS BUZZER, HOLDS UP SIGN) Judgmental!
Kent: Oh, sorry Kerry, she's actually just really shy. Shy and weird. Time for round two, group round!
(A group of 5-6 people come out. CANDICE, who is in the group, is staying off to the side while the group talks like normal people at a party)
Kent: Candice isn't participating in this conversation about the TV show "Lost". Why?
(MUSIC PLAYS, contestants write answers)
Adam: I'm going to say she's judgmental because she thinks: (HOLDS UP ANSWER) "I stopped watching after the first season when it became clear the writers had no idea what they were doing."
Kerry: I'm going shy, because she thinks (HOLDS UP ANSWER) "She’s afraid if she tries to talk about Lost she’ll look stupid, and enough people think she’s stupid already, like her parents."
Kent: Well for the answer, let's go to Candice.
Candice: Just because people say a show is smart doesn’t make it true.
Adam: Yes!
Kent: That was a tough one.
Adam: It was, but then I noticed her purse was handmade!
Kent: Alright, time for the final round. Contestants, meet “The Ultimate Stumper”!
(CADE walks out)
Kent: Contestants, this is Cade, and he’s tricky so watch out.
Adam: What kinds of girls do you like?
Cade: Rockabilly girls.
Adam: That doesn’t help, everybody likes rockabilly girls!
Kerry: What's your favorite fast food restaurant?
Cade: Arby’s.
Kerry: Do you eat there ironically?
Cade: Yes…and no.
(Kerry grouses)
Adam: Do you smoke pot?
Cade: Uh, only idiots smoke pot.
Adam: Ah-ha!
Cade: So yes! Yes I do smoke pot.
Kent: Time’s up! Kerry, your answer?
Kerry: Well, he’s self deprecating, but he also looks and acts like a dick. I’m gonna say…judgmental?
(BUZZ - WRONG)
Kent: Adam for the steal.
Adam: Cade is shy…AND judgmental! And smug.
Kent: Cade?
Cade: I’m all of those things, and also, aloof!
Kent: Adam, you win, and now you get to live in Silver Lake! That's all the time we have for this week, join us next week on "Shy or Judgmental!" BLACKOUT.