(no subject)

[aster]

So the cat went missing a week ago, we thought he'd gone off to die because that's what cats do when they're sick. Anyway I found him yesterday in the long grass in a really bad way, and was so happy to find him, and took him to the vet, but then it turned out the dribbling and disinterest in food was a tumour in his neck that had completely crushed his jaw, and the vet said the kindest thing to do would be to have him put down, because they probably wouldn't be able to fix him. So that's what we did, and I cried all over the vet, then I cried all over my boyfriend, but it was ok because when I found him he was basking in the sun, he was so pleased to see me and he purred as I stroked his head right up until the end. It was horrible and I can't stop thinking about it, and how he was the last thing left from my childhood, and even though there was nothing any of us could do I can't help but feel guilty. But it was a good way to go, and I'm glad he's not in pain anymore.

Another letter about redundancy/options yesterday. This week has been an absolute bag of shit so tonight I am gonna eat Chinese food and drink bloody Marys and try to think about all the reasons why life is good because really, it is, there is just the inevitable, that doesn't mean it is all bad. I am so used to feeling happy all the time that I forgot how to deal with being sad, but I think that's ok anyway because I have good friends and a good man that help me and make me feel bright again, and that is enough: that is everything.