Blog : The edge of greatness
Do you ever think that you're on the edge of something great? I think about the things that I enjoy doing, and it's never really the same day to day. I seem to excel in things where other people may take some time to learn and understand. It's like I am a jack of all trades, but a master of none. I experiment with something, I try something new, and I feel like I'm ahead of the tide at first, but after a while, I lose interest and the people who I was leading end up passing me in my indifference. So the cycle continues. I'm pretty good at doing so many things, but I still cannot find something that I'm really good at. I'm sure that this is just my finicky nature, but it still bothers me.
For instance, in grade school, I was really good at math. I won 3 national medals in my class, more than anyone else in my grade. After I moved, and then went to high school, I fell below the average for one reason or another. I turned to programming and web publishing, and for a while, I was at the front of things among my friends and classmates. Then they passed me up and I lost interest. When I play a video game, I usually start out doing really good. In the case of MMO's, I can stay at the front of the wave, but after a while, I fall behind.
It's like a metaphor for my life. I'm on the edge of greatness, but I always falter and fall behind, eventually falling out completely. Discipline? Maybe I just lack it completely. Sometimes it feels like that's my way of doing things. Maybe I need that initial rush of ego to get me going further. Perhaps I go farther than most people, and they have the same kinds of frustration that I feel.
I was just thinking about what I really wanted to do with the rest of my life. I could do anything I think and be good at it with enough time, but do I really want to just do anything? I think if there was something I could do where I could continually ride that first wave in the front, then move on to another wave, I might be happy. Unfortunately, I don't have any idea what kind of job that would be. Writer? I've been thinking lately that I might like to be a writer, but I don't know if that would be the right job for me. I'm almost certain that I don't want to be a videographer; certainly not in the air force. Maybe an editor. I really like correcting people, and I think that I have a very good sense of the english language and what reads correctly. They don't just hire editors though, and I have no english degree. Maybe a movie critic or a review writer. I just don't know. But it is nice to know I can pick up something new and run with it for a little while and not be completely bad at it. That's something, isn't it?