A Year, A Year, Not LIke Other Years
And then much like other years. 2006 was the disaster, lightning struck tower year. 2007 was a year of implementing some of my re-evaluations of 2006. I had decided the three things most important in my life were: Friends/family, writing, spirituality.
I didn't quite do resolutions at the beginning of the year but more ongoing resolutions.
*WRITING--I sent out more stories/poems than I've ever done before. I probably received more rejections than ever before (I wonder if I could make it into the Guinness Book of Records). And I published more than any other year. I made probably (haven't added it up) about $550-$600 on fiction and worked for 6 months as a spin doctor making more than I ever did before on writing. I also wrote more than I did in many years.
What I didn't do was get going on a novel (except for rereading the partial one and writing a few pages on the erotic one). That's still a goal and I plan to implement it this coming year, where once a week (probably Mondays) I'll take my laptop off to a restaurant, have a small meal and a few drinks and write only on a novel. It can be one of several I have going but I must write on the novel.
*HEALTH--I also started doing yoga again. As well, I then added in working out in December. I had planned to teach bellydance in the spring but that didn't happen because of several jobs. I had also stopped going to the class I had been taking because it became obvious that the instructor didn't really like me or acknowledge me. I didn't need that or the degrading of my confidence so I stopped. With a few nudges from some friends I taught some experimental classes in my living room in Dec. As of January I"ll be teaching beginning bellydance in a studio nearby.
Yoga will stop at some point so I will either need to find another yoga class, add an extra workout class or take an advanced bellydance. I'll see how that all pans out but my goal is still to get my self fit and then take up kickboxing. I didn't make it this year but I'm closer. Other health issues included getting my teeth fixed. This is now and still ongoing as I just broke a molar and it's going to need a crown. I also haven't got rid of two months of red eyes with no clue from the doctors and my back is still really iffy. Did a detox through the naturopathic school but still getting rashes so there is some inconclusive onging stuff to deal with.
I have a long way to go to get in really good shape. And losing weight has been extremely difficult.
*WORK--I will have to look for new work in 2008. I'm bored where I am and have neither the pay nor the benefits to keep me. I've signed up for a photoshop course in Feb. to begin some upgrading. As well, I'll have to really start looking and maybe contact some recruiters again. Sigh. I hate looking for work but I'm getting tired of limping along. I want to be capitalistic and safe now.
*FRIENDS/FAMILY--I'm still working on this area but then that's ongoing, always. I've expanded my friend group a bit, but need to do that more. Need to connect with some oldtime friends more regularly and again let go of one long relationship which I think is no longer really a friendship but something a little less. I can't change anything there until the other person wants to change it. I just have to accept it.
I lost my dear friend Bear a few weeks ago and will be a while feeling that loss. It's both easier and harder than I thought it would be. I also lost my cat Figgy in the spring and that was equally hard. Two beings I loved very much and I miss them both. There is indeed a hole in my life where they were. I just wonder if our souls start to look like Swiss cheese as we get older and more of our friends leave us. It's a discomfitting thought and I hope I have enough joy to counter it.
On the man/relationship front I have come (again) to accept that I guess a long term relationship is not meant for me. I do deep down still hold hope but I'm no longer really looking as I'm just too aberrant for the places that most "normal" people find mates. It does make me sad but there are gains and losses no matter which way a person's life goes.
*SPIRITUALITY--I of course still have it. Greg and I went to several things in the US and I went to the Fringe Yule and the Gathering. Firsts that. Still I feel that I need that truly ecstatic ritual to touch godhead/divine energy/my deeper self, whatever you call it. I gently dropped the idea to Greg of maybe looking at starting a coven again. It's been over a year and our wounds had to heal. It will be slow in coming. Or maybe I'll join the Fringe (I never thought I'd say that) or the Unitarians. I don't know. I need something more regular. I need to continue the search and I'm not there yet.
I have to put Ireland in here. It really touched me. Not super deep but I want to go back and I can feel a depth beginning. It's like I felt the first time I came to Vancouver and came back twice more in one year before I moved--a homesickness. And this one might be spiritual. It's a terrifying thought though, to move some place so far from all I know and love. I do want to go back and might be able to do it next year.
**OTHER STUFF--I managed to pay down my bills, get my teeth fixed, buy a new carpet, a camera and a laptop. Of course the camera is off with a theif now but I did manage these things. And the trip of course. I didn't get to a new writing desk, framing pictures, laser eye surgery or hugely expensive dental work. But it's been a mostly positive year.
I appreciate that I have such good friends. They all do what they can; sometimes exasperating, sometimes generous and thoughtful. It's what makes us each individuals and I appreciate it all. I'm lucky to have so many friends and don't always realize it. I'm lucky to have many acquaintances as well. My enemies are few and I'm not even sure who they are. Better that way.
I feel this coming year will have some great trials for me but something truly great will happen. It is exciting and I won't rush it.
I also appreciate the health I have. The problems are not major and I can do most everything I want. That is a blessing. I appreciate that I can still love the world, both the natural beauty (and see it) and the people. The horrors that media heaps on us never shows the true balance of all the good deeds, the small things that is the glue of humanity and I weep for our world at the same time. I appreciate that I have a future and will try to not waste it, to make it what I want it to be, to be what I want to be, to nurture what I can around me and be more accepting. I will try. Sometimes I will fail and sometimes I will succeed and that will be what makes me human and ultimately me.
And so I say to everyone who reads this. May you have a year that increases your wealth, your health, that brings you prosperity of spirit and joy, that lets you see the beauty in every day. May your year be full and with wonder. And in true humility I give you love to bolster you through the hard times.